Being too damn nice.

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Sitting down too much. It took four lumbagos in three years to finally get the point.

I don’t write as much anymore unfortunately, but the huge upside is that, after two decades of not being able to do so, I can finally squat again with heels planted without tipping over. A proper Slav squat. Practicing this almost daily for nearly a year has improved my foundational skateboarding skills significantly. And I simply feel more youthful too.

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Alcohol. I never drank until I got an IT internship and the boss was big into craft beers. I started drinking craft beer every night just to have something to bond with him through to try to turn the internship into a full-time job. I did get the job, but then struggled for years with alcohol dependence.

After my dad died I nearly drank myself to death and managed to quit for an entire year. Then I got cheated on, and home was no longer a safe space, so I hung out at the bar every day instead. It’s been 6 months and I’ve gone from ~75 beers / week to ~24. Just tapering myself off slowly. Wegovy helps - I can’t have more than a few drinks without feeling super bloated now.

Feeding my dog from the table.

Gonna have to go with alcohol and benzodiazepine abuse for this one, basically because it’s the only one that I have beaten (citation needed). Only one relapse in the past 10-ish years or so! Though it took a few relationships with it, and I’ve gone through multiple hospitalizations (some even voluntarily), and because of that combo and all the other shit that was going on in my head (not to mention the cocktail of SSRIs and eventual SNRIs like Effexor at max dosage combined with stuff like Seroquel at max dosage for literal years, of which Effexor is still the bane of my existence; and stuff like ECT) there’s like this hazy quality in my own past for me. As if I’m talking about someone else. I can’t even remember most of my life from around 2013-2018 or so.

I’d say the worst part about abusing benzos with alcohol is how good it feels. I still have the cravings. Like even now I’d be up for it. That combined with the fact that it only brings out the worst in me, every narcissistic and sosiopathic tendency is not only brought forth but amplified also. And it’s unhealthy in general.

So if you don’t happen to die in your sleep; once you wake up and realize just how many people you’ve hurt, when the full weight of your own actions and the coming consequences descend upon you, you just might hope that you did. Vice, thy name is me

watching Corner Gas!

Social media. I’ll close the app and put my phone in my pocket, done with scrolling, then immediately take out my phone and open an app.

I have quit sugar, caffeine, nicotine, weed, and am trying to get my alcohol consumption under control.

Sugar was almost automatic. I just don’t have much of a sweet tooth, so consciously avoiding sugar was really easy. I can’t say I’ve noticed much of a difference since, although overly sugary things like Coke now taste disgusting, and I can immediately tell when something has been sweetened with sugar, even if it’s really subtle. It’s like a 6th sense. You’ll be surprised at the stupid shit people put sugar into. Pickles, mustard, tomato sauce… these things do not need sugar!

Caffeine had the most intense withdrawal effects. The caffeine headache is unlike any other headache I’ve ever had, and I’m a migraine sufferer. The brainfog was horrible too. Coming out the other side is great though. Plus having a coffee from that point on is a fucking glorious experience.

Nicotine took me years, and I wouldn’t have accomplished it without switching to vaping first. I’ve written about this before but that makes it sound easier than it was. There were many many many failed attempts before I put down the vape for good. This one has had the best benefits though. You don’t realise how good breathing is until you’re fully quit for a while.

Weed was really not my choice. I really really overdid it, and I now can’t touch the stuff. I’ve tried, and it’s always a terrible time. I just withdraw inwards and become an anxious, paranoid mess. What’s worse is it takes me days to recover as well. Doesn’t matter how little I have or how “no really this weed is super mellow dude” it is, I consistently have a bad time now. I miss this one the most. I used to really enjoy what it was like in the beginning.

Alcohol is my fucking kryptonite. I cannot get it under control. I think my only option at this point is really to go teetotal. it’s not really bad enough for me to what to be so drastic with it though. I’m not an angry drunk, I don’t spend more than I can afford on it, it’s not really negatively affecting my life… I just drink too much and too often, and I worry for my health.

Caffeine I have quit a few times and that has the worst physical withdrawal of anything I have quit (hard drugs & alcohol I have never used enough to become physically habituated). Speed probably the most difficult emotionally/psychologically.

I don’t worry about caffeine anymore, just maintain the habit.

Porn and weed.

I’ve no doubt there are people that can use it moderately, but my brain just keeps wanting more. I quit cigarettes with no issues. I went from drinking a 6-pack a night to barely drinking at all. But those two really are hard to escape. Every time I kick weed I always have a night where I’m relaxing and I go and get a preroll - then end up getting more and smoking for the next few days before I realize what I’m doing. Same thing with porn. I can smoke a hell of a lot of porn.

But seriously, it’s hard to quit. And I think that part of the reason is due to my inability to label either of those things as “real addictions” in my head. Neither of those things are demonstrably decreasing my quality of life, at least not the way cigarettes and alcohol did, so I’m having trouble contextualizing them as harmful. Porn is easier for me in that regard, since it definitely subconsciously affects my views on the human body, and noticing that more is helping me shake the habit.

For the record, I do think weed is a lot less harmful than booze. But there’s a right way and a wrong way to use it, and I’ve been using it the wrong way for so long that I don’t think I can use it the right way.

To quote one of the great philosophers of our times:

“Well, Stan, the truth is marijuana probably isn’t gonna make you kill people, and it most likely isn’t gonna fund terrorism, but, well son, pot makes you feel fine with being bored, and it’s when you’re bored that you should be learning some new skill or discovering some new science or being creative. If you smoke pot you may grow up to find out that you aren’t good at anything.”

Now, I don’t necessarily think all of that is true. Plenty of people are creative and innovative and also smoke pot, but it does make you content with doing nothing. Very relaxing in the moment, until you realize, after a few years of daily smoking, that all your friends have been learning new things and growing and you’ve been sitting on the couch watching TV the whole time. It’s totally fine to use every now and then, and by no means should be illegal, but we do need to start being realistic about how daily cannabis use quells that burning desire to be active and improve ourselves.

Nicotine. I was able to quit for about three months last year. Going to give it another try tomorrow now that I’ve run out of patches.

Edit: Lasted 2 days. I’m back on the patches again

I quit heroin and other heavy opioids just before fentanyl really hit the streets. Quit cold turkey after losing a few friends and realizing that I could get a bag cut with fent and die, and I couldn’t do that to my siblings; they’re a lot younger than me and really idolized me at the time.

When I was well enough to get to a store without shitting myself or throwing up bile everywhere, I went and bought a handle(1.75l) of the cheapest vodka I could. I continued that every day until 4 years ago.

I have cirrhosis, and my liver could shit the bed at any time, but I’m alive and I’m clean (for the most part) and sober. I work in recovery and am working to become a Drug and Alcohol Counselor now.

I quit smoking about 6 months ago. I went to the store, didn’t have quite enough for a pack, and just haven’t bought another. Tobacco has been the hardest for me by far. Alcohol withdrawal almost killed me - I had to be hospitalized for near a month - but I was on high doses of benzodiazepines so I don’t remember much of it. The cravings for a cigarette are intense. They’ve gotten better zand they will continue to do so, but damn, it’s rough.

Not to claim equivalence or anything, but smartphone and the internet (ironic saying so here I know).

I’m a xennial … old enough to remember living without all this and the middle time where computers were either games or just useful tools.

For me, and I’m pretty sure many others, I’m pretty convinced it’s better that way.

I’d really like to get away from these things, at least just to relearn older habits.