This has been on my mind lately. My dad is going through it, his sister has got it pretty bad and I apparently have the predisposed gene to get in my future.
I’m leaning no because I wouldn’t want to make my child go through slowly watching their dad’s mind leave them and also potentially pass it on to them when they get older.
It’s thrown me for a loop since I always imagined myself having kids and I’m around that age now.
What do you think?
Edit: I just want to say that I did not expect the kind of response this post got. I’m grateful for all of your comments and the perspectives it’s allowed me to peak into.
I also should mention that were I to have children they would most certainly not be burdened by being the crutch of my own personal journey of accepting and loving who I am. That is work for me alone and I would never unload that responsibility onto those I love and especially those who I’d be raising.
As for my partner not wanting kids, I would never consider forcing or persuading them to raise a child when they know for certain it’s not in their cards. This is another element in how I’ve been navigating this question. I love her with everything I have and I can’t imagine us being apart and yet there is a pang that lingers of the father I assumed I would eventually become.
Anyway, thanks again for your thoughtful replies. They’ve helped so much especially since this is the first time I’ve voiced these thoughts.
Definitely. They’ll be able to survive without me at that age and I’ll have my genes carry on. Not like they’ll last long with climate change anyways.
Absolutely without doubt. I am male 46 year I have a son (19) and daughter (22). I promise that if I randomly pick a happy moment out of my life it will include my kids, I smile when I think about them and I miss them when now that they are back at school. When I think, well they are now living their own lives now and not around as much, I remember how proud I am of them and what they are accomplishing.
As for me getting Alzheimer’s at 65, my thoughts would be to enjoy my children and hopefully grandchildren till I no longer can function. Then it’s time to “step away”, no need to be living without life. All that life is, memories and future expectations.
As for the kids potentially inheriting it I’d have to say life is a crap shoot but they would have many years to enjoy that life if that were the case. I know they would have the strength to deal with it. After all life is what you make it with a few bonus curve balls and sliders to keep you on your toes.
Another thought on your children dealing with parents falling ill at an advanced age (65 and above?? I guess). They will get over it, it hurts but it’s one of those inevitable things of life that you are hard wired to deal with.
Don’t let a potential future issue rob you of the enjoyment of the present.
This is the main reason I have not had children. I am almost 100% guaranteed to get Alzheimer’s in the pretty near future. Having watched countless of my family members go through the absolutely heart wrenching process of Alzheimer’s progression, I can’t in good conscience have children (so far anyway, I’m not 100% on it) for two reasons:
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I don’t want to put them through the grueling process of caring for, and dealing with someone dying from Alzheimer’s
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While it’s not guaranteed obviously, I don’t want to doom a child to a very very good chance of getting Alzheimer’s at some point in their lives.
There is of course a chance for a treatment to be developed but they’ve been saying that for decades and haven’t really come up with much of anything so far.
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There have been some major strides in treatments that slow and/or halt the progression of Alzheimer’s recently. I would think that in the next 30-50 years it would be a much more manageable disease.
I understand the concern of passing it down, but there is always adoption or sperm/egg donation, if you still wanted to be a parent. Honestly, nothing is guaranteed. You could die of something else long before Alzheimer’s could develop, or you could live to 100 in perfect health. Most of us will fall somewhere in between.
I wouldn’t let something like that stop you from starting a family if it’s what you really want in life.
Yes, my dad has been on medication that slows it, but it’s definitely taken a turn these past few months. We had to get the doctor to tell him to stop driving this month. It’s been really hard on him especially since he doesn’t know why and thinks it’s his fault and that it must be because he is simply too dumb enough to drive. It’s truly heartbreaking.
Also, that’s a good point that something entirely different could happen before Alzheimer’s.
I don’t have really any big fears in my life. I’m good with heights, I can run workshops and talk in front of hundreds of people. But I’ve always truly feared losing my mind since my psych 101 class in college. My plan is to go to a country that allows assisted suicide if I do end up getting it and can still make decisions in my right mind.
I think currently there are only two drugs that slow it down a bit (give maybe couple of years more) but are also very expensive and are quite dangerous (can cause brain swelling). So some improvements but still long way from a treatment.
Live your life my friend. I just had a baby and besides the lack of sleep, it is the most wonderful thing. Good luck!
No
I’ve had a pretty tough time with our kid and our test has always been.
If that happened today, would I wish she wasn’t here. So far the answer is always an unresounding no.
What kids?…
How inheritable is it (50-50%)? How certain is that fate? How old are you?
I would not count it as an absolute no. 65 years of life is better than many get, and everyone has something bad in their genetics.
Also, you seem to care and that is rare. As you care, that is a plus for you raising someone. Maybe not your generic kids, but someone.
I don’t want to have children, but if I knew I was going to get Alzheimer’s at 65 I would plan to leave this world at 64.
You can’t escape your fate, but you can choose to gift life to someone and care for them lovingly. They might then return the favour and have a very positive effect on your mental state when your brain starts to degrade. Maybe that’s a selfish reason.
I have strictly instructed my family, including my wife, that if I ever develop alzheimers I want to be euthanized. If I am sufficiently lucid at the point of diagnosis I will have no problem overdosing on something and going out in peace.
I’ve come up with the idea of an annual test of basic facts and current events (very basic). Once I get to the point where I can’t pass this test with flying colors, off me and launch my corpse into the ocean via trebuchet plz. Game over. Not interested in seeing where the rest of that ride goes. Seen it many times before with family members and I don’t like it.
Problem is there’s a catch 22. If you’re not lucid enough to answer those questions, you’re not lucid enough side whether you live or die from a legal standpoint.
Every law I know that allows euthanasia requires that the person have a terminal illness and enough mental faculties to make the decision. You run the risk of a loved one getting tried for murder if you ask them to give you the drugs and you are not competent to make the decision yourself.
With diseases like this you get better and worse days. What one should do is do the test daily and track it. If you see gaps in the test results (like you see that last 2 days you didn’t take the test but don’t remember why, or failed the test yesterday) you end it. At this point it’s clear that the next step will no not knowing where you are at all so there’s no point at prelonging it. You should nitrogen gas ready somewhere.
Yes.
There isn’t much that could make me not want to have kids.
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I actually already have children. It is one of the best things I have ever done in my life.
If I’m 64? No way. If I’m 30? I don’t see why not.
You could get hit by a truck the day after having your child leaving them without a parent. Don’t let fear hold you back. No one lives without experiencing any suffering at all, it’s just part of life. If you love your children and care for them, then they’re already setup to have a much better life than most will.
