Now that we have determined in this thread that a friendly/flirty conversation is indeed not harassment, women are just people too, the old gender roles are dead and public parks are a singles hunting ground, how do I make it clear I’m open to being approached?
Since chatting someone up is out of the question for me, I’d rather hedge my bets on some women using those tricks all you Casanovas left in that thread on me. We’re all progressive here, I don’t see why the man must start this dance.
But I can’t help but notice that this plan has not worked at all yet. How do I express I’m single and ready to mingle, except by just having that printed on my shirt? Like was said, having just a friendly conversation with any gender would be a start, can’t remember those happening in a while either.
Get a pirate hat. Wear that pirate hat. If they start the convo, quickly let them know you are on the lookout for more booty.
On a more serious note, other than having something interesting to talk about (dog, coloured hair, pirate hat), be sure to watch the eyes and try to hold eye contact with people who interest you first. We look at things that interest us. But please don’t stare!
Longer than one second is basically a big sign of interest, so maybe crack a smile. IF they are super interested and confident, chances are good that they will approach you.
Good luck, sailor.
be in the moment
speak about the moment
if that moment isn’t happening, dont force it
What you need, my friend, is a slump buster. Casual sex with a woman you otherwise wouldn’t be interested in. I don’t know if it’s a sixth (or 7th or 8th) sense that women have, but they can tell if you’ve gotten any recently. If you have, it makes you more desirable. Alternatively, a good wank before going out in public, but that’s not nearly as effective. I ended many droughts with a slump buster back in my single days.
Do something poorly/dangerous in the gym, attach yourself (politely) to the person who comes to help,
Or do something you’re passionate about and offer your knowledge to people who are earnestly trying their best but not doing it well (be conscience and ask if they’d like your experience to guide them)
Alternatively go hang out at an old folks home, they’d love your company, they’ll regail you with stories from their glory days, and they’ll probably talk you up to their family.
Volunteer your time at animal shelters/public service events.
attach yourself (politely) to the person who comes to help
This probably explains some of the interactions I’ve had when all I wanted to do is to help someone in need. Not in the gym, but mostly in the streets. Like someone getting lost, and offering to show them the way. Or offering my seat to the elderly.
But really, being helpful sometimes is all it takes for give someone the reason to talk to you (and vice versa). Not that I managed to be in a relationship with this kind of a start.
I hate it as a tactic that’s been used on me, but darn if it isn’t effective. Also I genuinely appreciate people who offer their advice when I’m doing something foolishly, but my actions are from a place of genuine ignorance, not trying to catch someone into my friend circle.
And the other way is distasteful too! Going around helping people because you want to “fish for friends”? Yeah, you could do worse things, I suppose, but still pretty icky.
Some people though, they can be pretty classy about it and if done that way, and no one is harmed, why not?
Re: the old folks home - sometimes people do volunteer singing groups for entertainment. If you like singing and are halfway OK at it (or at least sound good in a group), I recommend it if you find the opportunity, and like the kind of music old people may enjoy (I dig the Kingston Trio hard now, which was a wildly unexpected turn of events).
To this day, one of my favourite memories was doing one of these shows with an audience member going off about banging dudes under the boardwalk after we sang “Under the Boardwalk”, smoking banana peels, and all sorts of things that made her my favourite person over 70 (sorry Grandma).
Hell yes! Grandma was wild! I love old person stories, so many of them are fabricated, but also so many that I think are fabricated turn out to be legitimate. Oh you did party with (famous people from back in the day)? No shit…
Probably the best thing I ever did to get random people to talk to me was growing a big curly handlebar moustache, now complimented with a long bushy beard.
My fashion choices also tend to make me stand out a bit- brightly colored Hawaiian shirts in the warmer months (I have one with pictures of the dog breed I have on it, that gets a lot of people approaching me,) occasionally a kilt (people love to ask about the kilt) interesting sunglasses, hats (used to wear a bowler occasionally, I’m less of a fan of it these days, panama hat in the summer, etc.)
Clothing and style choices are a little tricky. There’s kind of a fine line between wearing something interesting that makes people want to talk to you and coming across as a fedora-wearing neckbeard who’s trying too hard. Those choices have to look good on you, you have to like them and give off a bit of confidence while wearing them, and it has to be something that will catch the attention of the kind of person you want to attract.
And most importantly, you need to be able to carry a conversation from there. That’s the hard part.
Having some story or a joke at the ready is a pretty good crutch to kind of get yourself over that last part. For example my go-to when people come up to me to compliment my beard/moustache is to joke that “I grew it myself” which is usually good for a chuckle, and then the ice is broken, and you can kind of try to steer the conversation from there.
I’ve had a lot of fun conversations with strangers and made a few friends along the way. I never personally had much luck turning that into a romantic relationship, but that was also never something I actively pursued much in general, I just kind of let things go from there and through friends who I met that way I eventually met my wife.
Hawaiian shirt, interesting sunglasses, hat, beard, moustache… are you Dr Jacobi?
I’ve been approached by a woman exactly one time. We’ve now been married for 21 years.
By being interesting.
How you do that is up to you. Like visibly enjoying hobbies, having an eccentric look, going for a fun personality, or being in cool locations. It also allows you to talk about something you personally enjoy.
People here talking about “props”, and that’s fair and dandy but only and only if you truly like or are into said props. Because you will attract people who are into that too, but also repel those who aren’t. As a woman I never cared much about either people with dogs or babies. None of my business. But I have approached people with other animals or doing arts for example.
My recommendation would be to join a group activity and stick to it for a couple months. See how it goes, then switch to something else. It can be life drawing, bushwalking, patisserie, guitar, board games- you name it. This puts you back in control because the activity acts as the prop, and by context you are allowed to say “oh such nice drawings, how do you do xyz?” " Are those shoes good for walking?" “Do you bake often?” You start the conversation and it doesn’t need to be personal at all. I’m always surprised to see normal people cross the line and start asking personal questions about me once I make it obvious that I’m open to conversation.
IMO this is the best option. Choose activities you’d like to do and you’ll meet women with similar interests and it’s way easier to connect.
Just get it printed on a shirt.
Along with something funny.
To steal a tip from JB Smoove - walk around with one shoelace untied. Someone will notice.
“Hey, your shoelace is untied”
“Oh, thanks”
Ice: broken
Man sometimes I see teenagers walking around with their shoes untied. I’ll tell them “hey your shoes untied” and they look at me like “… yeah, and?”
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not someone you wanna prone bone anyway
I actually laughed out loud at the specificity here. Thank you for this, you’ve brightened my day.
Depending on how you land, you might be quite limited in positions anyway
I doubt anything would work for me (even for just friendships) with where and how I exist.
Then again I’ve never had much luck with connection (my brain isn’t built for that).
Wait, who said gender roles are dead? That’s not a thing. Assuming youre a man, most women that are interested in you (or might be interested in you in the future) will expect you to make the first move. I don’t think that’s the patriarchy at work; most straight women want a man who is confident and assertive and I don’t think there’s anything problematic about that.
As a straight man, I also want a woman who is confident and assertive.
Try to look like you might have cocaine on you.
(Sorry man, I got nothing 😔 )
Literally wear a name tag.
A guy, that goes by the name of etymology nerd, did this everyday for a month and people approached him more often.
He made a short video explaining why this was the case and how it was an invitation to converse.
Huh. I got to try this.
