Let’s have a lunch and learn!
Wow, lots of “double clicks”, which is fairly new to the usual list.
Because it’s new and awful. Also implies that these massive new work is just a simple tasks. 0/10
Leadership at the company I work for started saying “let’s double click that” to mean let’s go into more detail on that topic. Hate it.
Also “let’s take this offline” which just means let’s have a different meeting about it, it’ll still be online because we’re all remote.
Oh snap I should have read more comments before posting about “double clicking”. I hate it.
I’ve been hearing “velocity” a lot recently and that also makes me cringe.
Also “let’s take this offline” which just means let’s have a different meeting about it, it’ll still be online because we’re all remote.
See, I would think that would mean for more individual discussion, as in “this isn’t relevant to this meeting, why don’t you and I talk about this after the meeting or at a later point.”
I think everyone has those coworkers who see meetings as an opportunity to ask about things with no relevance to anyone else in the room and makes everybody sit through 10 minutes (per discussion) about an issue that only pertains to them, instead of just going to the manager/whatever’s office in their own time to ask about their personal situation.
If it’s just to table it until another meeting, though, that doesn’t make any sense.
I think in many cases it results in separate discussion over slack, probably between managers but it still often ends up in a follow up meeting.
The first one is an Abomination unto Nuggan. I’m OK with the second one being used in a meeting to divert a topic that needs covered but is getting off tack.
In my experience, “take this offline” means they don’t want to have the discussion in front of present company.
For example, mentioning anything less-than-ideal in a meeting in front of large groups. It’s basically a thinly veiled way to control morale through selective information.
I guess it depends on the company, so far mine it’s just making more meetings but keeping the current one focused. I’m fine with that, just hate the expression because it only makes sense if the follow up meeting was in person but we’re all remote
Looks like everyone has ignored that you’re talking about the expression not the act. I also hate take it offline, I’ll just say… this sounds like a separate meeting.
Take it offline as in turning it off? “We’re taking the service offline” or “Let’s talk about this face to face?”
Nope, all in a teams meeting discussing something, topic diverges or becomes too complicated and is slowing the meeting. Manager says “let’s take this offline” or “we’ll discuss offline”. Keeps the meeting focused but I hate the phrase. It’s not offline because it’ll just be another teams meeting!
Do you have a better way to phrase it? I usually see this to mean “focus on this topic rather than get distracted. We can discuss that later” … or I guess that’s a better way to phrase it
Let’s take that offline perhaps better as let’s discuss that separately/later.
Double clicking should just be something like “to go into more detail” or something. I get why it happens, easy and quick to say, i just find it so irritating.
Before “double clicking”, it was “drill down”. That was no better
I really wish they’d use drill down instead
let’s discuss that separately/later
That can come off as, “Not now dumbass.” The new slang comes off as, “Yeah, needs covered, and we will, but not now.”
As always though, it’s all in the tone.
Any talk of “we” from the boss really means “you”. It’s exceptionally maddening when the boss is already a POS who has an A+ for delegation but F- for teamwork and care factor.
Streamline
I mean, yeah, but actually streamlining things is something I like. I work on helicoptersn so example:
Aircraft is broken because of a faulty component. So the maintainer has to go and sign on to our grossly over-bloated computer (which can take anywhere from 5 to 45 minutes to start up), look up the relevant illustrated parts breakdown and download it (because they’ve moved everything to the cloud from our previous local servers) which runs through our exceptionally bottle-necked security system (seriously, usually ~50-100kbps download on a 100Mbps connection), find the part, log into a different system to get the national standard number and see what type it is to find what system to look in to see if we have it, look up the part location. Look up the maintenance procedure card (which is not classified) from the same place as the manual, download it at 100kbps, figure out the operational check for the replaced component is not in the card but in a separate maintenance manual, go back into that system and download that manual, find the ops check. Try to print out both the card and the ops check from whatever printer wants to work today. Fill out a requisition form, grab the part, and now you can start the job. Basically, add approximately an hour of work to any task for this nonsense.
Streamlined: Have a standalone computer that is not connected to the internet, is regularly updated via approved external hard drive with the latest Maintenance Procedure Cards and manuals, pre-filled requisition forms (with locations) for parts, lists of consumable components (like gaskets) for each repair, connected to a standalone printer hardwired to the standalone computer. Pull up card, manual, form, and ops check and print in 5 minutes.
Finding time wasters that only serve to frustrate workers and finding ways to cut those time wasters out makes the workers and the managers happy, assuming the people doing the job want to do the job well and quickly (we all want to be here, so that describes our hangar deck).
I’m a fan of streamlining.
Like many buzzwords it’s both a legitimate good idea and a concept a lot of people with no idea what’s going on get a bug up their asses about and use to mean “shake stuff up that had been working fine on a hunch”
Place I worked at some time ago made a big speech and unveiled the following company motto to a lot of confused faces: “Engagement makes awareness sustainable.”
Nice. I’ll drive alignment on this value with my directs. I’ll status you tomorrow.
I heard “rightsizing” for the first time last year.
I have no idea what knucklehead PR dumbass came up with that but it made the following layoffs even more unpalatable.
The only time I hear rightsizing is for cloud resources. I’ve never heard of it in human resources. That sucks.
I can’t read this shit on the weekend you guys are killing me :p
I had one retail manager who constantly kept using “moving forward” for everything. It was so freaking grating!
I hate that I’ve learned to censor myself around these soulless void-skulls by replacing “problem” with “challenge.” No, I don’t “solve problems”, because to acknowledge something as a problem is negativity we just don’t need here at Emperor Clothing Inc! I “tackle challenges”!
It’s so freaking goofy and they just eat it up. Everything needs some sort of business-positive spin or they lose their minds and think you’re not being a “team player.”
Seeing opportunities everywhere. The same underlying mechanism is at work here as with challenge: Let’s replace the word for this bad thing with a different word that means something similar but positive. And then it looks like something good! I am very smart
I’ve got a manager that’s replaced problem with “opportunity to succeed”. Well, I’ve got 99 opportunities to succeed I guess.
Well, I’ve got 99 opportunities to succeed…
…but management ain’t one!
Alright, team, let’s circle back and ensure we’re fully aligned on our north star objectives. We need to leverage synergy, engage in blue-sky thinking, and touch base on our pain points to drive mission-critical outcomes. But let’s not boil the ocean with unnecessary jargon - at the end of the day, we need to optimize our bandwidth for real, value-driven impact. If we keep moving the needle with this kind of thought leadership theater, we risk losing sight of our core competencies and drowning in a sea of meaningless buzzwords. Let’s pivot toward clear, actionable insights and sunset the overuse of strategic messaging before it becomes a blocker to true innovation. Instead of just playing the fast-follow game with every trending framework, let’s focus on original, high-impact execution that actually drives results.
Thoughts?Chris, do you have any builds?No?
Good. Then let’s action this and drive it across the finish line!
Jesus fucking Christ. This was excellently written and horribly real.
Other than the lack of a “shift left” it’s just about perfect.
What’s shift left
Basically just means handling problems earlier rather than later, catching issues early instead of fixing them when they cause expensive issues.
It usually means moving tasks earlier in a workflow. You could often also just say “start early”.
There’s also “shift right”. 😄
shift right
Me commenting insteada sleeping when I have to get up in 5 hours right?
Perfect example!
Buzzwords
Perfect except for ‘Thoughts?’ Instead of that it should be an appeal to the speaker’s boss: ‘Chris, do you have any builds?’
Done. 😁
There was a website at some point that would put up themed meeting phrases each week, with points if anyone used them and caught it. I still remember a few of them.
“I don’t want a pot of gold at the end of this rainbow, I expect a pot of uranium.”
“We either play barbie or go home. I didn’t get come here today to be Skipper.”
“I don’t say we build a barbie dream house, I want use to build a barbie on ecstasy house.”
“Is this a queen alien problem? Or more of a face hugger we can ignore for a while?”
I want this to still exist
Sounds like AI slop finally found a good use.
How do I delete someone else’s comment.
Thank you for reaching out. After a strategic review of available pathways, we regret to inform you that the requested course of action is not viable.
Thanks. It hit close to home. I hate it.
I threw up in my mouth a little bit.
Lol
“We work hard and play hard” makes my skin crawl. Also, had a manager who would describe every situation with a war analogy. Sorry Bob, this is Finance, we’re not literally killing each other. Take it down a notch.
Everybody dance now!
I work hard and I play hard. Not here to play.
Touch base
Can we “just double click on that” for a second?
shudders
I had a visceral reaction to this. If you’ve heard this in real life, my deepest sympathies.
What is it even supposed to mean?!
“Let’s explore that topic more”
Ew.
I have to say, I have used the phrase “Drill Down” to refer to the same thing? Does it cause the same reaction?
What would a linux user say for this?
“Can we just dot slash that then chmod plus x that semicolon dot slash that for a second”A linux user would just throw a craft beer bottle.
I’m in this comment and I begrudgingly like it. Carry on.
“pAiN pOiNtS”
these are not knots in muscles they are severe institutional shortcomings and failings that are draining us all, making us want to jump ship, hazardous, and in some cases even making the company lose profit but you fuckheads just want to write down pAiN pOiNtS and jerk yourselves and the shareholders off instead of actually doing ANYTHING MEANINGFUL
What’s our North Star?
This phrase is currently running riot at my work. Leadership have just created a new “North Star” so that they can Kingdom Build and leave their mark; years of progress on other projects are being thrown on a mini-bonfire of the vanities.
It’s just a bullshit saying for something they’ll never achieve.
I’ve even heard people say it’s never achievable but we should use that as our direction. I can’t stand corporate fucking bullshit.
I’ve never heard it in a corporate context, but I had thought in a personal context it’s not necessarily something to be achieved but what is meaningful or what has value for you.
For example…
Uh…
Yeah actually IDK what my north star is. Maybe enough internet for me.
Any mention of “family” and I’m out. You aren’t my fucking family. I barely tolerate any of you, and I only go that far because I am forced to participate in this bullshit just so I can feed and shelter myself. Just give me my project, shut your dick sheath, and let me grind my life away in silence.
On a totally unrelated note, “team player”.