(…) just take your meds
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BPD is becoming increasingly more treatable and less therapists have the opinion that you stated here. It’s just that CBT, the traditionally used approach, is not the most effective solution. It’s DBT that is effective for BPD. As the commenter below you said, mindfulness has been great for them, and that’s a core part of BPD. I don’t have BPD but my diagnosis includes “traits of BPD” on my chart and I thought therapy didn’t work for me until I went to a specifically DBT-focused skills group.
its true. as a person with cptsd (bpd) ive mainly had to resort to giving myself the therapy i need through reading, being mindful every moment of the day (i legit have conversations with myself in real time to decide-what i want to say- vs the impact it will have), and psychiatric medication. The real difficult thing is getting the said person with BPD to WANT to change, and i mean with a desperate fervor, otherwise therapy is basically a silly talk session for me where i jab at the therapist to make them say what i want them to say.
too add an analogy to this, its like building a car with Kinex building sticks, painting it over and making it look like a normal vehicle but driving it is a whole different issue. you cant change the structure under the paint, but you can slowly reinforce every bit of it until its ready to drive on the freeway.
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its very real. My principle (a 72 year old educator) sent me to counseling after telling me, a fifteen year old boy, “there is something wrong with you”, however when i got to counseling i passed with flying colors. I legitimately thought i was normal for the longest time.
Honesty will take us a long way. Allistic people treat honesty like a two sided blade, but if you can find somebody who will let you know when youre being shitty and you can legitimately look up too (not a fucked up attachment syndrome where they’re perfect) then itll make all the difference.
oh and medication. Find a good psych, theres no shame in it and it beats self harm lol
Set boundaries and enforce them.
They told me about a Dark Plagus dude and some tragedy. I spaced out but I’m pretty sure the lesson was to always keep partying.
Find a job as soon as possible so you can make yourself useful and you’ll feel better.
At this point I’m fully convinced therapy is about making you a cog in the machine of capitalism and not about making you feel better and more realized as a person.
Having a job and feeling useful is in no way exclusive to capitalism.
Sure, but reducing a person’s purpose to that (and their issues to a lack of it) is.
I mean there’s truth in that though. It doesn’t need to be a cog in the machine, you could work for a non profit or something.
Go for a walk, be mindful of your surroundings
That’ll be $300
Girl I have a $120 bill that is going to bankrupt me at the moment, you ain’t getting shit from me.
That’s fine, we aren’t accepting new patients right now anyways
Last therapist I talked to asked me what my problems were. I said they’re personal and I have a hard time talking about them. He essentially said “alright not much we can do then” and ended the meeting. This was after about 2 weeks of waiting for the appointment too. I haven’t bothered looking for another therapist.
They don’t care about me. They care about the money I give them.
i mean, what did you want them to do? slice your head open and dig around manually until they find the Bad Thoughts?
It’d be nice if they didn’t give up in 2 minutes.
I had a friend in college who shopped around between all the available therapists and finally decided on the one she had the best rapport with. I know there are wait times and other difficulties, but it goes a long way to find somebody you click with.
May be kinda specific (and poorly worded), but basically she said that negative feelings come from places where my mental image of the world conflicts with objective reality. This was mostly related to my relationship with my father, as i was looking up to him and seeking his approval, while ignoring the fact that neither he should be a role model or i can be a person whom he would accept. I found this advice applicable to many other situations, but unfortunately i mostly use it after the fact — i get disappointed or angry about something and then i ask myself “Ok, but what i imagined things would be? What else am i wrong about?”
This sounds a lot like the Second Noble Truth in Buddhism. “Suffering is caused by desire”, meaning that there is a disconnect between what you wish were so, and what is actually so.
I started writing “true, but in my case it wasn’t limited only to desiring something” and stopped mid sentence. I was sad that i couldn’t fit in my family, because i desired to be a part of it. Giving that desire up removed my suffering, so yeah.
I should probably look into Buddhism.
Bro just do it you wont. (I got a therapist from betterhelp)
Mine explained my emotional dysregulation patterns and helped me identify the triggers and how to address them.
By far, the most useful technique they shared with me was the TIPP skills technique, which helps me come down when I am having strong emotional reactions as a trauma response or from anxiety. Essentially:
- temperature - use cold temp to lower heart rate, warm to raise it
- intense exercise - helps manage overwhelming energy levels
- paced breathing - I’m not big on breathing but it works for some
- paired muscle relaxation - my favourite as it also interrupts thought patterns
Hope you’re able to access help though, obviously it is much better when personalized and you also get the safe space to release your fears and anxieties
you also get the safe space to release your fears and anxieties
I literally feel anxious reading this sentence. Gah.
“No one else can do the work for you.”
This is the best response.
Elon Musk enters the chat room
I shouldn’t be paranoid about him double billing me/my insurance.
Not all therapists are good ones.
that negative feelings come from places where my mental image of the world conflicts with objective reality.
Used to work in the backend of insurance.
It’s ‘possible’ to double bill for a good reason, but it’s an outlier of a situation.
If you have a shitty insurance company, they’ll stretch money in bad times by only paying places out after multiple requests. They also get trained that if an insurance company drags their feet, the second time they’re billed, they get paid, so they always do it.
Any insurance company worth its salt will catch double billing.
Now, all that said, a LOT of providers double bill and get paid multiple times.
It’s usually assholes all-the-way down.
Right, kick ass. Well, don’t want to sound like a dick or nothin’, but, ah… it says on your chart that you’re fucked up.
a therapist I had helped me rethink problems in terms of pragmatically adjusting my environment or conditions to nudge my behaviors rather than relying on willpower or behavioral changes that were slow or simply not happening
a small example was moving my computer out of my bedroom and developing a night-time routine that included reading a book before bed to help reduce compulsive computer use
realizing I am somewhat deterministic in my behavior, and my behavior is caused by conditions I have some influence over, was a helpful insight and got me past just constantly failing to live up to my expectations for myself and never moving past that - I can treat my psychological problems like puzzles to solve
realizing I am somewhat deterministic in my behavior
So you are like this:
Sorry, I know that the joke is terrible, but I had to bring it.
Legit is this loss?
What do you mean?
How in hell do you think this could be loss?
Super sleep deprived 😔
I had to self-teach myself that once I hit adulthood. Things like “if left to pay a bill at some specified time (not immediately), I will fail. So all bills go on autopay.” It’s burned me a few times, but not nearly as often as constantly being burned with late fees and such.
Also, when my wife met me, she met someone who led a Spartan existence, with all my no-furniture belongings fitting in a piece of luggage. She thought it was preference, and completely blew off me constantly complaining about clutter and mess in the house. Once I explained (ten years in) that I can’t have many things without it becoming a huge unmitigated mess (like having “pathways” through the clutter), so having a whole lot of stuff is shitting on my coping mechanisms and stressing me out, making me constantly uncomfortable in my own home. She understood, and stopped giving me shit for it… not that it changed the clutter, but at least when i complain I don’t get hand-waved, I get an apology. Which is something, I guess (until I snap and the dumpster and donation center get a ton of bags).
Can confirm - switching my approach to changing my conditioning rather than directly trying to change my behaviors through sheer will, I’ve actually managed to make some progress for the first time in what feels like years. Take it slow, step by step - you don’t have to change everything about your environemnt all at once - it might even be counterproductive. And in a few months you start to notice an accumulation of changes in your behavior.
I also kinda feel this corraborates my suspicion that conciousness is not as conciouss as we like to give it (ourselves, really) credit.
+1 learning to parent yourself
If you think you picked a bad partner because there’s something wrong with you because of how you were parented, actually a bad partner sought you out because they saw those vulnerabilities in you.
