I’ll go first…after 10 years of speculating in the market (read: gambling in high risk assets) I realized I shouldn’t ever touch a brokerage account in my lifetime. A monkey would have made better choices than I did. Greed has altered the course of life many times over. I am at an age where I may recover from my actions over the decades, but it has taken its toll. I am frugal and have a good head on me, but having such impulsivity in financial instruments was not how I envisioned my adulthood. Its a bitter pill to swallow, since money is livelihood of my family, but I need to “invest” all I have into relationships, meaningful moments, and fulfilling hobbies.
Yes… quitting all your jobs and becoming homeless is much better then getting abused 80 hours a week by your 3 employers
But there can be a better way.
That I didn’t know who I was. My lack of self awareness hampered my growth trajectory, my maturity, and relationships. My first failed marriage was a pinnacle of this issue. Though, fast forward 5 years, I’m a vastly different person, know who I am and what I want and where I want to end up. I feel guilty for my ex wife and the impact I had on them. I hope they’re happier where ever they may be.
Self discovery - the journey of a lifetime
That sounds super healthy actually. Good outlook to have. We all make mistakes, what matters is if we learned from them.
Know thyself…congrats. I can say with certainty that the guilt of affecting ones close to you will never leave you. Light comes from darkness.
Greed has altered the course of life many times over.
I continually fight this myself. I made a fair amount of profit in crypto, but I 100 percent realize that it’s just blind luck. I like the idea of it and I love the news about it, so it’s very difficult for me to not to go 100 percent in every time I see a trend!
So far, I’ve resisted the urge to go to crazy with it, but ugh, it’s tough . And I lie to my gf and tell her that I just follow, but don’t invest. So I’m pretty much the kind of asshole that I grew up despising. lol
I’ve never invested more than I can afford to lose, and cash out the minute I make a little profit. But I can see how addicting it is and how easily some people could fall off the cliff.
A lot of crypto isn’t blind luck any more than the stock market is. I’ve made smart, strategic, well researched crypto investments over 13 years and it’s been quite successful. Bitcoin, Ethereum, Solana, Sui…
If you keep up with the engineering and filter all the noise, it’s historically been really smart investment / store of value.
That said if you’re just following influencers and aren’t an engineer or have a keen eye for finding truly knowledgable people - yeah it’s risky af!!
Yeah, well I have been lucky, but I always cash out early. But it’s hard for me not to just be all in all the time! I do love watching the stands and the news about it though.
Nothing wrong with holding long term something you believe will be a more secure store of value over your local currency. People have always held gold and other precious metals to hedge against government fiat inflation.
Truth! Lemmy is very anti-crypto, but it has a lot of advantages in socialist and anarchist circles. Sometimes Lemmy just hates anything that is popular, because they think it means “rich.”
Even tho the average Lemmy poster makes more than the average Americans wage.
That no matter how often people said it as a kid, I’m not capable of anything I put my mind to. I’m not smart, I’m very very mediocre at best, and my interests don’t align with my capabilities so my only options for work are things I don’t generally want to do.
I only really had 2 goals in life, a third developed later, and I’ve failed at all if them. I wanted to be in a loving relationship (going on 40 and have been single for the last decade), to not be the person who hates going to their job every day, and eventually I started wanting to own a home because I found that I need space for the hobbies I enjoyed. It’s a Sinatra song right, 0 out of 3 ain’t bad? Something like that… Lol
I grew being told I was smart. And to be fair, I am. I always grasped things quick and got through school without much effort.
But what it really ended up being was undiagnosed ADHD.
But when I had to really focus and stick with something for an extended period of time I always struggled. Especially when I lost the structure of being forced to go to school every day.
Im 35 this year and I never expected to be able to hold down a relationship, I had flings but nothing stuck. It wasn’t until other things in life going that I rekindled a missed connection from years past. It was only 2 years ago and now she and her daughter live with me.
As for hobbies, I really wish there was a better way to do it than owning all my own stuff. Communal woodshops and auto shops that were more easily accessible. Then hacker spaces for the more niche things. But I know that’s a resource that’s more accessible around cities.
On the plus side, you’re eloquent and express yourself very well. Any interest in writing/editing as a career or side hustle?
I appreciate the compliment!! I had thought about writing, but whenever I try I get like two sentences down and immediately start thinking “who the hell am I to be writing something?” I start feeling like a pretentious jerk and stop lol
Why won’t you try your luck at love again? Buying a house is easier done with a partner who works too…
That’s one part that’s really killing me, not having the relationship makes not having the house pretty much guaranteed.
It’s sorta complicated, but mostly I’m just not a desirable person and I live in an area that’s predominantly really really old people. With my lack of education and the general state of the economy, moving away from my job never felt smart and because of where I live moving is really complicated. I can’t get a new job first because the move would put to way too far for a commute so you’re stuck in that “how can I get a place to live without a job, and how do I get a job without a place to live?” situation.
I’m sorry you’re in such circumstances, yeah, it’s kinda shit… But hopefully you’re wrong about being undesirable and someone good and not too old comes along! Maybe it could start online? Anyway, sorry again, God bless you.
No worries, thanks for the kind words! Hope you have a great weekend! :)
how can I get a place to live without a job, and how do I get a job without a place to live?" situation.
as someone who went through this exact situation, I decided to just say “fuck it” and kinda threw myself out into the universe, with the understanding that if I failed the landing I was probably just going to die. I was homeless for a little bit, and the first job I had was a lot shittier than anything I’d worked before, but it is possible. The biggest issue I’d say is the lack of education; however, my partner at the time only had a high school diploma and was able to leverage his service industry experience to quickly find work.
Yes, at a certain point you have to pull the trigger. I’ve found that my fear of possible problems has been far greater than reality and I was always able to find a way around them and progress. Blind faith in yourself, even if you have to pretend, really helps. lol
not a desirable person
This is one thing you need to resolve. People pick up on this and it is self-sabotage. I bet you judge yourself far more harshly than anyone else does and things you think are bad about yourself no one even pays attention too.
As far as the other issues lots of people have dealt with it. You obviously need to move and I’d study what job opportunities are possible out there. I’d keep an open mind about what jobs I could do too. Save up what money you can to get a new place. I suspect you don’t have much stuff so the act of moving could be as easy as renting a u-haul. Jobs almost always will accommodate a new person if they need a few weeks to move if you tell them up front. Believe me, if I could do it anyone can.
Ugh, I hate the lie we’ve promoted for decades that “you can be anything!” and “you’re all special!”. No, we can’t all be anything we want. I’ll never be a rock star, I’ll never be a great athlete, etc. And we aren’t all special, we are more alike than we may care to admit.
Your specific issues may be due to unrealistic expectations. Do you hate jobs in general due to being on a schedule all the time? Should you have your own business? Look at what you choose in other people, what you look for may need to change since it has a bad track record. Look at your own behavior too, are you self sabotaging? Do you have bad traits like a short temper? As far as a house that has so many variables like where you live may just be too expensive, need to look harder for smaller and older homes in your price range, etc.
I agree, I’m not saying anyone should be put down for wanting to try something difficult but that they should be told of the odds of success. Maybe encourage them to put their effort into something more achievable. Everyone should be allowed to try of course, no one has good odds for becoming famous/successful but inevitably some people will be
As far as the job goes, I just meant that my interests are more aligned with scientific research/discovery but that I’m in no way shape or form a “scientist.” I’m nowhere near smart enough for that. Other than that I do like fixing things, but I hate driving and I need a schedule. I hated being a service technician never knowing when the day would be over and having to get a call once I got home to go back out.
For the house, it’s 100% the area… Houses that are basically twice burned down, glorified sheds, once selling for $60k USD back in 2016 are now $250k+ it’s absolute insanity.
Are you qualified to be a technical assistant? You could get involved in a science oriented environment without, say, having a degree in a scientific field. It could be pharmacology, etc.
I’m not sure if I am qualified to do that, but I’d have to look into it. I appreciate the suggestions! Certainly would beat the dead end factory job I have now lol
I’m a lazy follower who never figured out who I was, so I just followed the path of least resistance. As a result, I don’t like myself very much and cope with sarcasm and wit.
That trauma is not an identity and if I want to grow as a person I have to resolve that trauma and let go of the past.
I gotta spend less time on lemmy
TikTok → Reddit → Lemmy → …grass?
Screw grass, touch moss instead
I prefer to touch lichen
I enjoy a nice fern
I’m a bitter, angry, mfer and I need to chill out sometimes
Same here. I lose my temper too easily then I get back to normal quickly and wonder why I was so upset.
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Relatable tbh. I think a good part of it was depression in my younger years, but, I used to be an incredibly angry person.
It took a long time for me to accept that the truth is, you don’t get angry about shit you don’t care about. Hard to accept that half the things I’d get angry at weren’t worth it. The other half anger just wasn’t a helpful response. Been a long process of learning to have a better reaction for me.
Yeah I had a lot of issues as a kid too and being angry felt a hell of a lot better than being sad. Eventually it just got exhausting though. I can only imagine how annoying I was for other people to deal with. At least I was never one to lash out at others too much thanks to my mother showing me how it felt to be on the receiving end of that all the time.
Being angry is still basically my default emotional state but it’s at least much less intense than it used to be which I think is a decent achievement considering how much there is to be angry about these days
The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent. I was just studious and invested enough time to pass exams. People not doing what they should do is not them being stupid but me not grasping the full picture.
The second biggest pill that I am still swallowing is that I am not a good person. I try to behave in a good way, but it’s manipulative and not authentic. People don’t like goodness if it doesn’t come from the heart.
The biggest pill was that I am not intelligent.
The fact that you’re even saying this implies that you’re more intelligent than so many people.
Understanding the limits of your own understanding is a big part of intelligence imo
People don’t like goodness if it doesn’t come from the heart.
I’m curious if you mean in an abstract way, of if you’ve done nice-seeming things for people only for them to call you out on whatever ulterior motives.
Cool that you’re way at the end of the willing-to-face-facts bell curve, though.
The latter made me aware of the former.
The thing with the former case is that basically nobody does nice things out of pure abstract altruism. Being nice can bring pleasure, be part of an identity, avoid shame and maybe boost your ego. That’s why people do it, and why they can turn around and be a monster the next moment if a new way to meet those needs becomes dominant (just open a history book). So, I wouldn’t worry too much.
Edit: Where that leaves human kindness and relationships morally speaking is a bigger question. And given that we’ve just established how little people care about abstract things, a weirdly irrelevant one.
This is the part where I’d normally give practical advice, if I wasn’t staring straight into the existentialist abyss. Anyway…
You sound like a very interesting person if I may say so (: Love me some folks who were brave enough to have faced these gigantic pillbottles.
Don’t they?? I’m instantly charmed.
Top shelf introspection here.
Re being a good person I wouldn’t sweat your mirror neurons over it too much. I suspect that if most people did the kind of self-analysis you’ve done, they would find similar, ulterior drives.
Anyway, so while I’ve long since shelved the fantasy of “true altruism” I have noticed that I’m more likely to behave nicely if I can set myself up for success by doing things like eating enough, working out, avoiding running late, etc. In a very real way I am a nicer person when I’m, for example, not running late.
I do this because behaving nicely is important to my self image, and leads to a more pleasant feeling life.
It’s something.
For me it was the discovery that my parents were shitty people on the narcissism spectrum. I had no clue, because when you grow up in a toxic environment, it’s your “normal” and all you know.
That not only am I not a good person, it’s mostly impossible for a person to be truly good. Even knowing what good is, in its entirety, is nigh impossible. The best that can be done isn’t necessarily within my energy and/or skill.
There are wrongs that cannot meaningfully be righted.
Doing a little good some of the time is the most I can ever aspire to.
I feel you. The more you know, the less you can do any good. You can try and try and try all around and all you achieved by doing your best in doing good is discovering more bad and feel like you’ve failed altogether. I try to stick to the thought of that it’s only MY best I can do, I’m not almighty and everywhere. And maybe I just have set my standards/morals too high.
Autism enters the chat
The definition of what is “good” changes depending on the person, the situation, etc. It is like defining what is “perfect”.
So what happens when two people in the same or similar situation define the same action, one defines it as good, the other as evil? It’s pretty easy to construct a situation where each person feels morally justified in killing the other.
That doesn’t seem like a very useful morality.
I didn’t say it was a moral system, I never even used the word, it is human psychology and philosophy. Even in your example I could say “This was was to liberate X” then someone else says “That war killed so many civilians!”. Someone fires a bunch of people to save the rest from losing their jobs, the fired people say it was bad, the others it was good. Same event, two views. You can have “Hot summers are perfect”, the next person hates them.
That’s Jesus’ “why do you call me good? Only the Father is good”. You can never be perfect nor infallible, of course, but maybe you’ll be good enough and God will approve of you and that’s all we can work towards. No need to use this understanding to give yourself moral allowances though: let your mistakes be mistakes and not plans for immorality.
Woah, did Jesus actually say that (AFAWK)? Because I knew a Christian Scientist who said the whole religion’s view of Jesus was that he wasn’t a god, he was “a perfect man”. That quote sounds like he was literally disclaiming this.
Of course! Mark 10:18. One must remember Jesus was a miraculous prophet of God (not dissimilar to Moses, but his birth was more “special”, more akin that of Isaac), a monotheist that constantly referenced “the law and the prophets” (several callbacks to Solomon in particular whom I also hold in high regard, primarily because of Ecclesiastes) and how he wasn’t here to break the law but to enforce it… he wasn’t followed because he wasn’t a “Jew” and it was a new and revolutionary religion he had established, he was followed because he WAS one and remembered/knew what it meant to be one in earnest. What Rome/Paulian tradition did afterwards with the image of Jesus, the creation of a entirely separate dogma in which ‘God’ is actually a pantheon and also partly FLESH AND BONE/anthropomorphic (following their pagan/polytheistic traditions, and because if not the empire might be reticent to accept such drastic changes), is something else.
There’s no “perfect” man, not even the prophets can be with all their God-given information and their great character, as no man is omniscient nor fully in control of themselves. And Jesus goes even harder, saying he’s not even “good”, because such a strict category only belongs to God. We can only be “good enough”, and that’s for God to decide.
While it may sound similar it’s meaningfully different. Jesus’ statement asserts that good is an attritibute that can be had by some being, just not you or me. I am asserting that good is not something anyone can be. There’s no deity involved here.
I’m just not that… (insert thing here)
I only exist to care for the people I love, and without them I have nothing else to organize my life around.
Codependency is a bitch. But it’s never too late to start differentiating yourself.
This one burns me to the core, and echoes my life. It scares me to know, that without that, I am truly alone
If they care for you and love you back, that shouldn’t be a problem, right? Life is, and I’m quoting Solomon here, ultimately meaningless/vain/empty/vapor, what better life could we have than to love and be loved? Not everyone is a prophet/disease curing scientist/victorious revolutionary, the rest of us can focus on just enjoying our lives wisely (fearing God and keeping his commandments = being a good person in earnest), loving and being loved, as it fills us way better than food and shopping can.
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I really am kind of messy but it’s because I work so much I don’t have time to do anything properly at all. I always feel frantic.
