Push your chair in after leaving a table at a cafeteria. It blocks the path for people who are carrying trays and may not have a free hand to push it in themselves.
One could write a book on unspoken rules for tipping in the US. Do you tip on takeout? Do you tip baristas? Does it depend on the beverage? Do you tip if you sit down but bus your own table? What’s considered a good tip (and this is situation-dependent)? The only thing I can tell is if you’re worried about something happening to you, then 20% of the price is generally a safe amount.
Easy highly controversial fix : dont tip and start demanding that people are paid a living wage
Do not start or continue a phone conversation when going to the bathroom - public or private restroom but especially in public bathrooms.
About ten years ago I was talking to one of my sisters on the phone. She was in NZ, I’m in the UK, so it wasn’t an everyday thing. Evening for me, morning for her. So we’re chatting away and suddenly there’s a weird noise, like interference on the line. I remarked on it - and it turned out it was her PEEING. She somehow thought I wouldn’t hear? Bloody hell.
I’ve seen people facetiming in the men’s room.
Reading the answers to this questions, I’d say “Not understanding the meaning of most people”.
Do NOT stop to talk in doorways.
Or at the bottom of escalators.
Don’t make phone calls on speaker when in public. Not even if you hold it up to your ear.
People that do this are inviting you to join the call. Announce yourself and ask what the caller is wearing.
Uh… Khakis.
“She sounds HIDEOUS!”
Keep your fetishes to yourself!
The worst are people who do that in the bathroom. Like, hello, I’m trying to jerk off in peace here, stop polluting the air with your banal conversation.
Similarly, watching videos/listening to music on full volume in public without headphones
Put your cart back when you’re done shopping.
Looks like it’s time to test the waters of Lemmy. This one has generally gone over poorly on reddit every time it’s come up, so let’s find out how it does here:
What about people who have a high degree of difficulty getting around? A good friend of mine has a herniated disc and a bunch of neurological issues as a result of a car accident he was in, he walks with one of those rolling walkers at a very slow speed grunting and groaning the entire time, and that was at the best of times. He barely manages shopping by using those electric cart things, but with all the reaching and bending he has to do, by the time he got back out to the car he was sweating like crazy and in obvious pain, even with my help. The idea of expecting someone in that situation to endure another couple minutes of horrendous pain just to make someone else’s life very slightly more convenient by bringing his cart back up to the store even from the handicapped parking spaces strikes me as absurd, but he can’t always get help with his shopping so I know he has to sometimes.
I think rules, written or otherwise, should have exceptions to account for extreme circumstances like this, but a lot of online people just go ‘No, if you don’t bring your cart back you’re a BAD PERSON no matter what!’.
Of course there are exceptions to every rule. Likewise, “don’t talk loudly on your phone in public” is a rule everyone should know, but no one’s going to judge you if you’re talking loudly on your phone to 911 because you just saw someone get hit by a car.
You can’t call the police or an ambulance if you’re at the movies!
Thats like saying ik murders bad but what if the guy you killled kidnapped your whole family and held them hostage, like nah shit well consider it being okay in that case, but that is a fringe case far from common
Equating not putting the shopping cart back with murder is a bit fucking hyperbolic. One of those ends the life of another person and the other very slightly inconveniences them at most. And I now I can’t even take you seriously enough to read the rest of your admittedly-short post after a statement like that.
Not every comparison is literal, and you focused on the wrong part.
Maybe tuck the godawful analogies away til the end next time then? shrug
There are always outliers and exceptions to rules, they are usually not who/what is being discussed lol
Yeah but people (on the internet and off) like to make blanket statements like ‘Anyone who doesn’t put the shopping cart back is a terrible person’, so sometimes they have to be reminded that the world is not as black and white as they’d like to imagine.
Nah man, language is messy and people are lazy. Language is messy meaning people generally don’t get so detail oriented and pedantic when someone says an absolute that clearly has some exceptions. People are lazy meaning most people aren’t going to care to hash out the specifics of the edge cases that don’t fit the generic statement.
Your test seems to be more about how pedantic everyone is, and god I hope Lemmy loses that to reddit…
Yeah that was definitely a thing I saw a lot more on reddit than here re:‘shit human being’, so fair point, I’m with you in hoping that kind of thing doesn’t come over here/goes away.
The carts go back in the corral so they don’t damage other people’s cars, not for convenience. I’m sorry your friend is hurt but my property shouldn’t be damaged because of that. And nobody’s going to judge him if he leaves it next the handicapped parking space he was in. Anyway, all the grocery stores by me will literally send someone to push the cart and put your groceries in the car for you if you’re unable. The cashiers will even straight up ask if they think you need help.
He always puts them in a place where they won’t be in the way of other cars, lifts a wheel up onto a curb or something so it won’t be blown around by the wind, etc. He is not damaging anyone’s property.
Also I’ve been with him to help him shop several times and never seen anyone offer (and he says he they never offer when he’s by himself), so maybe it’s different where you live? shrug That sounds pretty great for his situation tho.
If he’s putting it up on the curb he’s doing the best for his situation and to me that’s fine. The damage comes from people leaving them just laying around and then the wind picks up. I have been around the block a few times it’s true but in my life I’ve saved at least 3 people’s cars from getting dented by carts I saw flying through the parking lot because of wind.
Does he ask for help? Even if it’s not a normal thing at that store, a nice conversation with a store manager can go a long way in my experience. Maybe it’s because I live in a neighborhood with a significant amount of older folks (at least that’s what it looks like at the grocery store!) but I bet any grocery will do that if you ask.
Fair enough. Yeah fuck leaving it out in the middle of everything or where it can roll/be blown away. If my buddy who gets winded walking to the bathroom can manage it so can everyone else. Although I guess to be fair there are more likely to be curbs near the handicap parking than for most other people, though also they have working legs and cart corrals, so…
I think rules, written or otherwise, should have exceptions to account for extreme circumstances like this, but a lot of online people just go ‘No, if you don’t bring your cart back you’re a BAD PERSON no matter what!’.
To treat any rule as immutable is an idealist junk perspective. Rules, like all ideas, need to be applied to a context, and I personally don’t see the point in codifying every possible exception. Law officials, programmers and others can tell you how Sisyphean that task would be.
So yes, there are exceptions (obviously!). If you’re putting your cart back and you injure your leg, you don’t have to crawl on your arms just to put it back. But we can still generally say “people should put their cart back after shopping” and it’s clear that we’re generalizing.
The major problem with this kind of pattern is you’re looking to establish edge-case boundaries, rather than the most broadly applicable standard. The attempt to document and "solve for every case just leads to overly complicated and disingenuous discussions. Our fascination and obsession with “accuracy and precision” as applied to human behavior is one that breaks down very quickly unless you’re attempting to be hyper-rational, at which point, any rules assigned to human behavior break down.
In short, “use your best judgement.”
Note: I think that we have passed the golden moment where “human judgement” had any kind of value. There was a long time where we (all humanity) were stumbling in the dark, and we have now stepped back into that cave. But for a brief, shining moment, the percentage of people who had critical reasoning skills was growing, and it was majestic.
What I’m looking to do is point out that the world isn’t ever black-and-white, that the broadly applicable standards - while I agree that they are in fact broadly applicable - are never universal, and that edge-cases exist everywhere and need to be accounted for or the world is just a worse place for everyone. I’m not saying ‘your solution must handle solve for every case’, I’m saying ‘be aware that your solution needs to be flexible enough to account the fact that the real world is messy and things are never as simple as you’d like to believe.’
I am specifically, as you say, advocating for the use of best judgement over moral absolutes (I have heard it said, in person and online, that anyone who doesn’t put a shopping cart back no matter the reason is a shit human being, f.ex, so there are definitely people out there slinging moral absolutes on the subject of shopping carts.)
I highly doubt you have heard a significant number of people who would genuinely say “disabled people who don’t put their carts back are shit people.”
The number of people who would unironically say that is such a small edge case that it’s not necessary to talk about them when you say things like “everyone knows that disabilities result in different needs and moral responsibilities,” just like it’s not necessary to mention disability when you generalize and say “people who don’t put their carts back are shit people.”
Edge cases don’t have to be accounted for in every conversation, not everything is a court of law.
This isn’t really any more deep than “only a sith deals in absolutes”
Not a significant number, no, but also not zero. No the common refrain is as I said it, with the implication that anyone who doesn’t for any reason is a shit human being, and Iono if you know this, but disabled people are part of ‘anyone’ too. My whole point is that they make blanket statements about a thing that annoys them without realizing that some of those carts are out there for some pretty good reasons actually.
Put your cart back when you’re done shopping
OP didn’t make a blanket statement that “anyone who does X is a piece of shit.”
He said an unwritten rule, like your own statement:
Don’t be stupid
Which is significantly closer to ableism than the shopping carts, with the implication that anyone who is stupid is a piece of shit.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying “don’t be stupid,” for the record, but in case you weren’t aware, people with brain damage are included under “anyone.”
You’ve picked a bizarrely specific hill to die on.
that is such a small edge case that it’s not necessary to talk about them
Did you manage to overlook this point?
I’ll leave this here: https://youtube.com/@cartnarcs
Zipper merging.
If your lane is closing ahead, it is better for everyone in traffic if you drive all the way to the end of the lane and cut in at the last moment.
Note that this does not apply to exit lanes. The basic rule is if late merging blocks someone from going somewhere, merge early. Otherwise, merge as late as you can.
Zipper merge isn’t a thing where I live. It’s advised in the provincial drivers’ handbook to merge early. Some folks from other provinces are trying to change things but it’s too ingrained, been this way for as long as I can remember.
Merging early when at speed makes sense, because you still have a lot of lane left before you have to merge - less pressure, more time, less likely to make a bad decision.
Merging late during slow traffic makes sense, as it allows you to align with gaps in the traffic and for the traffic to make space for you without having to actually stop.
The problem with zipper merges as this person describes them is a zipper merge is SUPPOSED TO get traffic back up to speed. However, when your take on the zipper merge is “up there where the wreck is at the last possible spot I can merge” there’s no time for a human to safely merge at speed. So everything has to continue at a crawl.
So the people jumping out of their lane and “zipper merging” at the last second instead of 50 feet out or so end up making things worse for everyone.
The zipper does not and should not be at the point of the physical problem on the road. Just like you should not just drive to the end of the on ramp and at the last possible second merge into the lane on your left without paying attention.
That’s what I said?
Merge early at speed, merge late during congestion
I really can’t more strongly disagree with this take.
Zipper merging is to interleave two lanes of traffic when there’s one lane of traffic available ahead.
It DOES NOT matter if it’s done with 3 feet to merge or 300 feet to merge. There’s no efficiency gain.
What does matter is some assholes trying to merge at speed at the last possible second.
The zipper point should not be the point where there’s NO ROOM to merge SAFELY without EVERYONE going 3 miles per hour.
The handful of times I’ve seen a zipper merge actually start to work, someone rushes down to the end of the line where the problem is, nearly causes a second accident trying to get over, and then everything starts moving at a crawl again.
You don’t need to zipper merge at the “physical barrier” causing the zipper merge to be necessary.
It DOES NOT matter if it’s done with 3 feet to merge or 300 feet to merge. There’s no efficiency gain.
Merging early leaves unused road. Shoving the cars into fewer lanes makes the traffic jam longer and makes it impact more interesections far behind the actual hangup. If you can merge early without slowing down, sure go for it. I’m mostly talking about the scenarios where it’s already slowed to a crawl and people feel like they have to merge early to not be seen as “cutting in line.”
Edit, also to add, if everyone merges early even at speed, eventually, the car density in the reduced lanes will reach a point where people naturally slow down and you have bumper to bumper traffic.
I suggest Traffic by Tom Vanderbilt for more.
“Unused road” is ridiculous except in extremes. Unless people merge well over a mile back, 1 lane of traffic will make no difference. The only way “unused road” matters is for the people that haven’t entered the traffic jam yet who are getting off before they reach it.
Very few people (from what I’ve seen) merge more than 30 car lengths out. 30 cars is not going to make a difference.
What does make a difference is the fact that we can’t do a merge at speed because some people want to “zipper late.” It’s the zipper behavior that matters, the “at the very end” part never should’ve been added to that recommendation.
Looking at an actual research paper about this, the zipper merge demonstrated is not at the last possible point. A merge point forms ahead of that point and that’s what should be used. The pictures from their study show the zipper occurring over a wide area with many of the zipped cars driving in the middle.
https://rosap.ntl.bts.gov/view/dot/35694
I don’t know how studies like this have become the recommendations we have. They seem to me to miss critical bits.
Edit: based on my quick read, it’s worth noting the study finds only minimal support for the zipper merge and only in contexts not involving trucks largely based on visual analysis from their video feed as the quantitative data was not statistically significant. We need better transparency on recommendations like this frankly and the research supporting them. We should be able to have an honest debate on the merits of the papers.
If your seat reclines in an airplane, you have every right to recline it except during takeoff and landing. This one is controversial.
I’m 6’6” and my knees push against the seat in front of me even when not reclined.
I have a right to be able to travel without you causing me discomfort, and that’s a bit stronger than you having the privilege of getting more comfortable.
If you are the kind of person who asserts this “right” when someone asks you not to, you’re kind of a dick.
What if I get back pain if I’m not able to recline? I think your discomfort takes the backseat to my back pain (no pun intended).
Nah homie, I’m also tall. Airplanes are airplanes, book the exit row. Your right to travel comfortably ends with the right to the same for the people around you. If you want more room, pay for the exit row.
New rule: only six tall people allowed per flight.
I need to lean back slightly or I won’t be able to walk straight when we land, so I’m gonna need to do that two inch recline.
The airlines are our enemy, not each other.
My kneecaps need to be in one piece as well.
Yeah, and that is why I get the row in front of the emergency exit row when possible to reduce the chance of fighting for space.
I generally agree with you, though I haven’t flown in like 20 years because of the situation with airplanes, so I happen to think if they’re going to pack you in like sardines they should just disable the reclining feature cause there comes a point where any reclining at all is just making things markedly worse for the people behind you.
Yeah they want people to fight each other instead of them. What plane situation you talking about?
A combination of the TSA (security theater; jump through a bunch of bullshit hoops just so you feel safe without actually making you any safer) and airlines cramming more people into the same amount of space to increase their profits.
Hard agree.
I genuinely never begrudge anyone reclining back into me, because I will pass that right along to whoever is behind me.
My knees disagree with you.
Your knees are in my seat space. Airline companies want us to fight each other instead of them.
Fight not, here, rest your head on my lap pillow. UwU
What if you fart? Will you warn me?
Definitely!
When exiting an airplane, it is more efficient to remain in your row until the row ahead of you has accessed their belongings. This includes people that have no overhead luggage. Sometimes someone’s overhead luggage is behind their seat and it causes noticeable congestion/delays if there are people standing in the aisle obstructing their path. An exception could be made for patrons that need extra time for mobility issues, but this is usually arranged in advance with the flight attendants. Having said that, it’s best to make every effort to exit with expediency because there could be others that have very little time to reach their connecting flight.
It’s safe to generally assume that most others are equally (or more) tired of being on the plane and want to leave ASAP.
Be aware of your surroundings. This is not just a safety thing for yourself, but a courtesy thing for other people.
There’s really only two of them:
- Don’t be stupid.
- Don’t be a dick.
They’re not even unspoken, people say them all the time, but some people just don’t pay attention I guess.
Unfortunately, the current capitalist system in place for most of the world is incompatible with most people to varying degrees. This leads to people not sleeping as much as they should, which makes people stupid and behave like dicks.
I mean there are lots of reasons for people to be stupid/be a dick; the point is to rise above that shit. I get it tho, I was born in the 70s so I’ve been watching this world backslide into shit for nigh on 50 years now, it just keeps bombarding you with more and more shit. But if you let ‘fuck it I’m tired’ be an excuse then you’re not even trying anymore.
You’re absolutely correct, but lol this is really weird given your other comments in this post.
Why didn’t you clarify about edge cases, like disabilities?
Don’t be a dick.
Here’s a weird one:
Don’t offer advice unless its something you have some experience with.
Googling someone’s issues and giving them a boilerplate answer from the first thing you find isn’t helpful and can actually be a hinderance more than anything.
You’ve got my vote for president.
I have to disagree honestly. So many times someone tells me about some question they’re pondering, and when I offer some suggestion about what may be going on or how to fix it, they’re like “Why are you talking about something you know nothing about? You don’t have to have an opinion.”
But am I allowed to? I’m a curious person. If something interesting or strange or problematic is happening in your life, the first thing my brain is going to do is start trying to explain it. So I could keep it to myself, but then since my mind is on something I’m not allowed to talk about, I’m going to sit there and be silent and then they’ll be like “What? Do you have any reaction at all or are you going to just sit there in silence?”
And then I pull out my beretta…
I think it’s fine to have an opinion, just qualify it with “I’ve not been in that situation before, but … I think bla … because bla.”
It’s just about being honest.
I also hate when people get angry you didn’t follow their advice. Sometimes their advice was horse shit to begin with anyway. Just because someone seeks advice doesn’t mean they’re obligated to follow it. At least in my case, thank God I didn’t.
I had a friend who’s latest and greatest dating advice was to go back and hangout at the college I graduated from (at the time already) several years ago.
I thought it was an incredibly disingenuous and creepy suggestion.
Him and his partner were like “it’s totally fine…”
Not a single female friend disagreed with me that, that would be very creepy and I absolutely should not do that.
He got mad that I would never listen to his (terrible) dating advice.
I do remember from college there were women who were into this. It may be a successful strategy if you have no shame or morals
Or their advice might be fine in general, but doesn’t apply to your specific situation.
I had someone do the same but with fucking AI in my field of expertise
Absolutely. And be open that you don’t have experience with it!!
I feel like boomers are the worst about this (as a young business owner I get tons of random dumb business advice from that age group) but that could just be bias
That is partially what inspired me to post this. A lot of business advice I have gotten has been staggeringly bad.
I realize most people have worked at a business and should know a thing or two about how it works, but I don’t think many consider the huge differences between their workplace and how a small business operates.
Something I’ve learned to practice with friends. When people call me I try to make sure I ask “do you want advice or do you just want someone to listen?”
Remember to be kind.
I’m one of a kind. Does that count?
Kind of.
