Some random dude walked up to me while I was waiting outside a food place for my food and asked me this question.
I said “no, I dont give out random favors” and something along the lines of that’s sus.
Is it rude to say no to random dude that asks for a favor?
You do not owe any random person anything.
(yes really. It may be rude on occasion but you do not owe politeness to just anyone either. And oftentimes politeness is also abused)
When I was growing up, attending Jewish day school, my Rabbi taught me that an opportunity to help a stranger is a gift. I would entertain the question and I recommend that you do too in the future. Obviously you don’t need to comply with any unreasonable requests but typically a stranger is only going to ask you for something that takes like 2 minutes of your time and no real loss.
Helping people is enriching and will give you a sense of well-being in this fucked up grim world. You come out ahead in these situations. On the flip side, it’s clear that refusing this stranger is eating at you at least a little and has done some tiny damage to your soul, strictly figuratively speaking.
I take your point, and in general agree with it. We should try to help.
Hoever, someone approaches like that and my radar is going off. Sorry, my safety comes first, so I’m just going to say “No thanks”, every time, because we all know this person is trying to scam someone. (And I literally mean “No thanks” - It’s oddly disarming by reversing the roles, if only for a moment).
Someone once told me “don’t let them use your principles against you”, which is exactly what this scammer is doing.
There’s a world of difference between helping a stranger and allowing yourself to be pulled into a potentially risky situation.
This is the same reason I never pick up hitch hikers (I have in certain areas/circumstances).
Though I have no problem helping someone on the side of the road. I’ve helped random people carry stuff out of the store to their car - by offering to help them.
These are different situations which you can assess in the moment.
He was probably going to ask you to take a photo or something. It’s fine to say no, but kind of rude to refuse to hear the request.
“You can ask.”
Not at all everyone has their own set of boundaries and if you don’t want to do something for a stranger that’s OK too.
Thanks, that’s kind of my stance. I’m suspicious of random humans.
It would be rude to not even allow them to ask. But it wouldn’t be rude to turn down the favor after hearing what it is.
(Seriously: If it’s a stranger, it’s not rude at all. It’s actually more rude to ask a complete stranger for a random favor)
Your stance is that I’m required to say yes for some random street person to ask you for a favor?
As in yes, please explain the favor first so I can say no afterwards?
I suffer from anxiety and nearly had a panic attack. Been mugged and had broken bone from it.
Edit, i guess I could have handled it better and was slightly rude for immediate denial.
I don’t think you’re required to do it, personally, but I agree that it would be rude to not even hear someone out. Especially with someone you know even as an acquaintance. It could be anything from, “can you hold this for a second” to “do you mind splitting this $8000 timeshare with me?”
If it’s just a completely random person on the street, and their first word is “can you do me a favor” that’s different. I think it’s still rude, I just also think that when you engage with entirely random people being rude is acceptable sometimes. Especially if there’s an actual reason for you to feel unsafe- if you’re alone/it’s a shady area type thing.
This probably depends on the area, though. I’m from the southeastern US and from my understanding people engage with each other waaay more in public here than they do in- as a random example- New York.
You chose a seemingly intentionally rude way to respond. There’s a whole lot of ways to decline something, and it’s just as easy to be polite as not. “Sorry, I don’t have time,” even just “sorry” and keep walking are great options. Or you can choose to make someone feel bad just for asking/needing help with something. Not sure why you’d choose to make a stranger feel bad, but I guess that’s up to you.
And btw, the way you are responding to comments makes clear that, rather than genuinely asking this question, you are just looking for people to tell you it was ok to be rude.
Keep walking while sitting and waiting for my food…
The interaction made me feel bad.
Like maybe they are getting ready to con me. The foot in the door that someone referenced earlier. I was attempting to be polite and firm with “no, I dont do thing”. It didn’t matter the human that was asking.
I guess you could say OP’s wording was a bit rude (stylistically, not in substance, imo). Personally I’d go with a “No, sorry.” or “Sorry, in a rush!” if on the move, and leave it at that as elaboration leaves the door open for them to pry. Either way the question is about whether it’s rude to refuse, not whether the specific example was.
Personally, I’d rather assume OP is chatting/providing more context rather than fishing for sympathy. Many of the comments that say it is rude also say but not if it’s a rando, which it was.
I have severe anxiety too. It is an unfortunate additional challenge, but it does not absolve us our part in society nor give us an excuse to treat others poorly.
Not gonna lie, I was here to call you an asshole for not even hearing out the request, then I read it was a random dude on the street. Nah, refusing to engage with strangers on the street in any capacity is not rude and, depending on where you live, it may be a smart thing to do.
It’s not rude at all IMO. Some people like to help some others not, simply as that.
“I’m sorry but I really don’t have the bandwidth right now.”
my usual answer when I’m suspecting some kind of boundary-pushing behavior is “well you can ask…” …but I have to hear out my psych patients, you don’t owe strangers the same obligation.
I don’t think it’s rude. It’s a favor, after all, not expected behavior.
I almost always respond with, “depends on the favor.” They could be asking for you to take their picture; they could be asking for $1000 for their MLM. I’m not signing a blank check by answering “yes”.
This is my go-to as well, never fails. Because a lot of the things people want me to do for them (especially at work in public-facing job) are legitimately things I won’t or don’t want to do.
Rudeness is in the presentation, not the fact.
If you say “fuck off”, that’s rude.
If you say “I don’t do favors for people I don’t know” or “I don’t take requests from strangers” those are neutral and acceptable facts.
If you say “you can ask, but it doesn’t mean I’ll do it” that’s another neutral and acceptable way to address it if you’re willing to see what the favor might be, since some favors might me acceptable.
I tend to be willing to hear the request, but only with the caveat that I will most likely not comply. Last time a stranger asked if I could “help them”, my response was “I doubt I can, and I might not, but ask away”. They asked, and all they wanted was a light. I no longer smoke, but I carry a lighter. So I checked the surroundings and lit his cig
Years ago, I had a patient that lived in a really shifty area, and folks would approach me on my way up to their apartment. I’d see them coming and before they could reach me, I’d tell them that if they were wanting something to not waste their time, but if they were looking for trouble, they found it.
Which was rude in other circumstances, but necessary in that place at that time.
Your response was acceptable in that time at that place. Not necessarily the friendliest way of phrasing it, but sometimes being friendly doesn’t go well.
The ones that you call neutral, I would say are still rude.
There’s always leeway in that kind of thing for sure.
Part of it Is what we assume is the minimum degree of energy/effort we’re required to spend on a given person. Places with a higher degree of obligation to strangers are going to see what I call neutral as anything from rude to outright antisocial.
Even here in the south, where the obligation is relatively minor, my neutral would be seen as unfriendly, though not rude. People shit on southern hospitality because it can seem artificial, but there is a genuine “code” where the standard of obligation is higher than in many places in the US. Someone approaches you politely in public here, you really are supposed to hear them out at least. Some of the older folks still think that if someone drops by to visit you almost have to invite them in if they’re even remotely known to you. And likely offer them a drink. And you won’t talk shit about them until they leave lol.
I grew up in notoriously rude New Jersey. You might be surprised to learn that we also had a similar code, we’re just less tactful about it. People in that region are assholes but genuinely kind, helpful people. Kind of like the opposite of the south.
See, that’s the thing people do “the opposite of the south”
Have you been down here for extended times? Ever been in a rural town when a house burns down and everyone rallies to keep the family going? Or seen the nigh endless parade of food when a person is sick, or dying?
This fucking idea that southern manners and hospitality are fake is such bullshit. Empty headed bullshit at that. Oh, there’s plenty of “bless your heart” going on, but there’s also people feeding every damn kid that’s in the house, no matter whose they are.
The fuck outta here with that “opposite” bullshit.
Right fucking now, my sister has three kids that are no blood relation in her house, feeding them, making sure they’re clothed, making sure they were getting to school, making birthday parties happen.
Why? Because that’s what you fucking do.
That’s just as much a part of southern hospitality as whatever half-assed concept you think it is.
Opposite of the south. The fuck?
Yes. I have spent time living in the south and I have family from there.
Your rant has nothing to do with my comment. I was talking about superficial friendliness versus rudeness.
Well, the reason it came across otherwise is this sentence:
People in that region are assholes but genuinely kind, helpful people.
When that’s followed up by “the opposite of the south”, it would read that the entire sentence is what’s opposite, not just part of it.
My apologies for not asking for clarification and assuming the worst.
firmly agree. It’s all about the presentation. For example, using what was provided above the act of just saying no was a neutral sentence. Adding afterward that that’s just sus changed it from being a neutral to a negative because now you’re accusing the other person of being sketchy/sus,without providing the ability to prove otherwise. That I find rude.
Well, yes, I would say it’s rude if you have no reason to say no. At least hear them out is usually considered nice.
But…
If the person is clearly wanting to sell something to me, or trick me into something, or take advantage of me (typical in touristic places) I would just say “no thanks” and move on.
I tend to say something along the lines of “what’s your problem?”
Gives an opening to hear more without committing, and makes it clear it’s still THEIR problem.
‘No.’ is a complete sentence and you do not have to justify yourself in any way. I don’t think that would be considered rude, either.
