The worst thing is growing up and seeing them less and less to the point where once you do end up seeing them, they look WAY older than your mental image of them. Cherish your parents while you have them
And see them as often as possible. One day it is too late and it hits real hard.
My dad had cancer last year and though he’s got through it it’s aged him so much… gotta hold on to the good memories
My mom will be 89 in a couple of months and it’s so hard to watch her get so frail when her mind is still so sharp. I recently started recording her stories, like how she became a Univac programmer in the 60’s. I cherish every minute because I hear the clock ticking and it’s SO loud and never goes away. I’m going to miss my mom so much. It’s like my heart’s already breaking under the weight of losing her.
Your mum was a programmer in the 60s? She must be incredibly in so many ways!
Sounds like you’re kind of grieving in advance, which is natural and healthy so long as you channel it into something constructive like you are.
Everyone’s parents will leave, yours is the best case scenario.
I watched my mom and dad grow old, not sure about up.
… and now I’m kind of sad.
Brilliant! I sure was child when I was raising mine but I really didn’t think of my own parents like. I have to mull this over
If they have kids in their 20s, yes.
My mom had me when she was 40 and I feel better off for it.
As a dad, I think about this fact so much.
I still feel just like a kid with no clue about everything, but I still have to do stuff, because I’m responsible for my own kids now.
I’m almost 40 and still feel this way. My kids are 15 and 7.
I’m a mom whose kids are all grown, and I still feel it to this day. 😂
I’m glad to read that!
Lmao I’m a grown kid who’s helping teach my dad a lot and it’s so funny to see the back and forth, to see him excited about his work softball team or messing something up. He’s one of those “always need to look fully in control” types so it’s refreshing to see him actually be human sometimes
That’s why I think people shouldn’t have kids until they have at least a couple of hundred years of life experience.
People should have 10 years of experience with having a kid before they’re allowed to have a kid
And at least two related certs.
You’ll doom humanity like that.
I realize that’s a joke, but we waited until our 30s to have a kid specifically so we could have life experience and more financial stability before taking on that responsibility. I think that’s the best way to do it. Being 46 with a 13-year-old is a lot easier than it would have been for me 13 years ago.
The other side of that is worth considering too. Being 46 with a 23 year old would be great.
I feel the same way often. And the kids look up to me with the absolute confidence and trust that their dad knows what he’s doing and will know what to do when they have trouble. I know that’s how it should be so they can be children. But at the same time I know it’s just not true and I’m just winging it.
You need to be a little more generous to yourself, friend. Compared to a kid, you do know what you’re doing, and thankfully kid troubles are mostly not a big deal, so you probably will know what to do. From a certain point of view.
Do you think there is value in teaching kids, from a young age, that their parents are not infallible? If not, why? If so, how would you teach that to a kid in a way they would understand and incorporate?
With the still-developing prefrontal, good luck.
Not the person above, but I think it’s very important to teach that parents aren’t infallible or all-knowing. Everyone makes mistakes, even the people we base ourselves off so much. Admitting mistakes and saying you’re sorry to your kid when you’re actually wrong can help build their humility
Besides, kids tend to repeat and emulate their parents’ styles when they have their own kids
I think kids come to learn this on their own. But at the same time, normalizing being open about emotions is a good thing, to help promote an environment where saying “I’m okay, I’m just having a rough day today” is something that’s just normal.
But there’s a sense of security to parents being infallible that can be dangerous to break. I lost that feeling with my mother when I was five, in a pretty major way to be fair, and for the next few years I had nightmares about everyone I loved dying and I wouldn’t be able to stop them. Kids are powerless to the world around them in a lot of ways, and rely on adults to protect them and teach them how to protect themselves. So by seeing your parents as able to get through anything, you have a sense of safety at home.
So basically, normalize small challenges and openings to not be perfect, but be trying your best. Allow being human. But make sure the kid knows that no matter what, you will make sure both you and them are okay. Normalize the bumps in the road, and always reaching the end alright.
My parents failed me a lot. My childhood sucked, and because of that I go through life numb.
I couldn’t even start to heal until I realized my parents are people. Flawed people. The first time my mom came to me for reassurance, I understood the insecure woman that was doing her best and putting up a strong front.
The time my dad opened up and almost apologized for what was so obviously the wrong thing, I saw a man who isn’t unwilling to acknowledge his failings, he’s fundamentally unable to recognize them.
There are no adults, we’re all just children putting up a front. It makes you feel safe to think the people in control of us are competent… If you like how things are. Otherwise, it’s like living under a cruel god
Understanding they’re people doing the best they can makes you feel a hell of a lot less alone when things aren’t good
Believing your parents are infallible is good for one thing - equating belief in authority with safety. It doesn’t make them happier or better equipped to actually handle the world - it only makes them feel safe under very specific circumstances
Don’t tell your children everything, but don’t lie to them. You’re responsible for teaching them how the world works - lie to them about your own competence, and they’ll be crippled in understanding until they see through your lies
Ngl wing it with confidence and reassurance and when they grow up it’ll be even more impressive
my kids have a pretty good grasp that i’m also just finding my way in the world, and that it’s okay.
i feel like, anyone who comes across as though they have it all figured out are likely just unaware that the catalyst that brings it all crashing down is never really THAT far away.
Yeah, there’s a balance of “I’m not perfect, but I will always be here to look out for you” that has to be struck. Too far one way and the moment you break, the kids are gonna be scared and confused at what’s happening. And too far the other puts the responsibility on the child to take on a parent role (and believe me when I say that fucks you up)
Was out with my daughter and her friend, and we found a wallet on the ground. The friend picked it up and immediately handed it to me, and now I’m ‘what am I meant to do with it?’. But only in my head, because I’m the grown up who just can deal with everything.
Try to find an address in the wallet and mail it. Otherwise, hand it to the police.
It felt wrong to put it in my bag, so I held it out in front of me like a dirty nappy, and took it to the nearby shopping centre’s concierge.
Yep: you gotta hold it so that it’s clearly visible as not in your pocket and thus claimed by you.
This, oddly, seems to be The Way.
And when you are an adult you could still see the kid side in you parents.
My mother has complained for years how her adopted parents didn’t do a good job raising her. At the time they had three kids of their own and then adopted my mother and her sibling who are their nieces. One day I did the math and pointed out to my mother that her adopted parents were only 25 when they took on 5 kids and did she think their age had something to do with it? It blew her mind and gave her a whole new perspective … for a few minutes. Then she jumped back on the whinge wagon. Sometimes what we want to see is more important than objective observations.
So is this community just going through Reddit and verbatim reposting old threads?
Just wait until the bots get here, hoo boy.
Followed by ad companies making shower thoughts about their products.
Followed by Propaganda accounts having shower thoughts not about Tiannamen Square.
Followed by Propaganda accounts having shower thoughts not about Tiannamen Square.
Lemmygrad seems to be full of tankies and has been here for a long time…
I’m hoping bots won’t be too much of a thing, because farming account karma isn’t a thing. There will be some, but hopefully it’s not literally everything like Reddit was by the end.
Let me make it feel like home: “triscuits are just savory shredded wheat” ™
This place needs content, can’t have your cake and eat it too. Just unfollow the reddit sub if you don’t want to see it.
That is honestly such a pathetic content goblin retort.
What do you mean with the cake thing in this context?
I beleive they mean you can’t expect there to be content and also expect it to be fresh and new.
I think “have your cake and eat it too” is a little ill fitting but its the general gist of wanting something and then wanting it in another way which is not compatible with the first way.
Fine with me. The posts are new.
Yeah
Reddit front page was also a bunch of old Reddit threads/memes getting reposted. Feels just like home.
What do you think the name is? (I have already) red it!
I always thought the universe did a nasty by making the ideal breeding age for humans to be when it really is one of the worst times mentally/emotionally. 20 or so yrs later when more experience (and hopefully wisdom) has been gained, the eggs are shrivelling and the bullets are misfiring.
It was really weird for me to have some honest talks with my parents once I was well into adulthood. It took me way too long to realize they are people with their own problems to solve and a life and preferences, a personal history and all that. It’s weird how you tend to see your parents differently from other people until they deem you old enough to open up.
My parents died when I was young. Seeing other people’s adult relationships with their parents is so foreign to me. My parents are frozen in time in my memories, and I can’t imagine what their lives were really like or what kind of People they were.
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Same. My mother died when I was 26. My step mother is now 70, and her mother just died a couple months ago.
I can’t imagine my mother still being here, and still being here until I’m old.
My dad didn’t grow up. He just got older.
felt this
Pretty sure you watch parents grow old unless they had you when they were in junior high.
It was weird for me when I was finally older than my parents when they had me, and I was still a barely functioning human being. Props to you, mom and dad. You did the best you could and I appreciate that you brought me into this world (most days).
