"bonus points for not answering ‘go outside drink water read a book’ etc etc’

Erm, well, the very first thing I suggest is going outside for a bit. A walk can do wonders.

But this is one part of a general strategy, really - when you are upset by something online, make a little space between yourself and the conversation, reflect on why it upsets you, and decide if it’s worth continuing to engage.

If it is, try to be as even-handed in your responses as possible. I find deliberately trying to tone down my own rhetoric makes me feel better - if I’m using super emotional language, all I’m doing is ratcheting up my own pissed-off-o-meter. I have a better experience trying to discuss something in good faith with a fellow human, even if they’re wrong or just being an asshole for the sake of it. Try to make a space for the other human to have a real discussion. Either it will become a good conversation, and might expose you or the other person to viewpoints you haven’t considered, or it will become clear that it’s not worth your time to continue.

If it’s not worth your time (either upon initial reflection or upon fresh evidence), just stop. Nothing good will come of continuing to go at it. Look at or do stuff that carries value for yourself instead.

The first step for me was realizing that this stuff made me angry and unhappy. Rather than viewing this as something I need to exercise my anger on I view it as something I need to avoid so I don’t get angry. Using the block feature really helped a lot.

Look, we’re human, things upset us - what matters is how you handle being upset, not the fact that you do get upset.

Personally, I have a few rules to help me

• don’t check notifications or social media right before bed.
• if a reply or statement upsets me, I will put away my phone for as long as it takes me to process my feelings and see the comment in a more neutral light.

I think that, in the moment, online arguments can feel extremely real and heated. But, then you go out and do other things, and it becomes less and less important over time.

Of course, then you come back and find a notification from one of those morons you’ve been arguing with, and then you’re right back in it. So I guess just practice? Like, just keep reminding yourself that it doesn’t actually matter, even if it feels like it does.

Also, shrooms help. I remember I got into a heated snit with some idiot online an hour or so before eating a bunch of caps. Then, when I was trying to explain what the argument was about to one of my friends, I couldn’t finish because hearing myself explain it became apparent just how ridiculous the entire thing was. I think psychedelics just give you perspective that you’re lacking in your normal day-to-day life.

Just move on and forget about it

Be thankful that this is the biggest problem I’m facing!

Don’t feed the trolls.

Walk away and take a breath.

Also, will this really matter to me:

• Tomorrow?
• In a week?
• In a month?
• In a year?

That helps to put challenging situations into perspective.

Very often I will be baited into arguing with a stranger on Lemmy here. Whenever someone gets under my skin I do my best to ignore them and step away from the PC and phone for a few hours and go smoke some pot. I have wasted enough time in my life arguing with strangers over differences in opinion. Too many trolls, mentally unwell people, and political extremist, all of which love to argue and are not interested in a meaningful exchange of ideas. At best they want to be ‘right’ and argue till their blue in the face, at worst they just want to waste my time and fuck with me.

Now I just let them say their piece and be done with it, to get along with my day in a positive way. And starves them of the interaction they want.

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Do you regert having involved in an argument itself or what

By not getting upset about something online. Here’s a person, you have not seen, behind a computer screen, most likely on another continent which you have no idea where. Who gives a fuck what they think or say, let them go.

I struggle with this too sometimes, from a couple angles. Primarily, I’m worried about how people perceive me. I’ve been practicing not giving a shit what other people think of me for about a decade now, and I’m pretty good, but it doesn’t always work. I have to remind myself that it just doesn’t matter if a stranger disagrees with me, or thinks I’m a fuckwad/idiot/etc, just like my opinion of them doesn’t change their life. We don’t know each other. Their negative opinion of me has no real impact on my life, and holding onto that helps me move past caring about their opinion.

Secondarily, I stress about misinformation/toxic ideas being spread. I pipe up in a lot of discussions about feminism and the patriarchy because I want to clarify misconceptions that a lot of people hold about these issues. But, as far as I know, I’ve never changed someone’s mind, and the effort just brings me down. I have to remind myself it’s not my responsibility to teach someone why they might be wrong. The odds that I would actually succeed are very low, unless the person is genuine and asking questions in good faith.

ETA: lastly, I ask myself how I want to feel today. Do I want this random asshole to ruin my day? I don’t want to give them that power over me. So I work to take back that power and make sure I have a good day in spite of their efforts.

I think it’s important to remember that when you are interacting online, especially with an unknown person, there is no relational component. You are effectively just words or text to them, there isn’t a “person” behind what they are reading. It’s very easy to be obstinate or argumentative with just words because you can’t see the reaction or impact on the other person. So it’s nearly impossible to change someone’s mind in that format unless they are really being genuine and looking to have an exchange of ideas.

I’ve found the best way for myself to handle these types of situations is to realize nothing I say is going to impact them or change their mind. If I’m really wound up I might type a response out to get the frustration and energy out and then delete it. I usually feel better after that and can move on with my day but engaging further is just going to lead to further frustration because you can’t actually reach the person.

The best option is to not engage. What are you trying to get out of the argument with the other person? Are they arguing in good faith? Odds are, they are either a troll trying to get under your skin, or will never change their mind because they are too entrenched on their side. By engaging, you are wasting your time and likely ruining your day for no reason.