idk i use emoji all the time, if someone told me they would think i was a girl because of it, i would… look at them like they were fuckin idiots and ignore them LMAO

but i’m quite a bit older, if i had to guess (altho i am being a bit presumptuous here)- this reads like something one would hear from some insecure teenagers who haven’t really unpacked gender roles. the concept of “passing” over text message is quite funny, i won’t lie

just remind yourself that you are a guy, regardless of your mannerisms or texting style or… whatever. there’s no correct way to be a guy, and i would say that being the way you are, especially if others say it’s “wrong”, is pretty damn manly, imo

you’ll find whatever feels right for you, as far as presenting as a guy, from there

well uh, i get an error “cannot complete request”, so,

organizing work, mutual aid, and unionizing work is the new work of seeing and being seen. hell, give it long enough and it might usurp churches as third places

lmao i understand the point you’re trying to make (“happiness is an equation largely derived from our social circle”; and, not coincidentally, women tend to have bigger ones) but, per the article:

It’s worth noting that consistent with past research, both men and women in relationships were happier than their single counterparts, on average.

again, i understand your point, they just literally contradicted it lmao

it was my hope that explaining things the way i had would expose OP’s contradictory behavior, although i would certainly hear you out if you felt i could have approached it better

i added my 2c because i thought OP might be more amenable if the point about the woman who had been abused was conceded, as well as trying to clear up the understanding about why we gauge people based on how they gender people they don’t like

i think you’re probably right about them feeling directly empathic about the situation, although i don’t think that excuses the way they were behaving. they were pretty clear upfront about defending the woman who had been abused, so i feel like if they had an equally understandable story, they would have been upfront about it as well. of course, that is an assumption on my part, which could be incorrect, but i think questioning why they felt like their behavior was OK was fair

Banning is language control

yyyyyyyyes, you’re correct. what i meant in my post was more like, we cannot control what OP thinks or how OP speaks of people personally. like, we literally have no power there. i intended to juxtapose that with what you’ve mentioned, banning and such, but perhaps i wasn’t as clear as i could have been

i hear what you’re saying about issuing a warning vs a ban, although they had a direct dialogue with ada about the situation, so not sure how much more of a warning would have been effective. and, you know, sometimes one does want to just silence the opposition; it’s not every person or every space’s job to be persuasive and understanding; as you say, we are an online safe space for trans people, not the government. i definitely don’t disagree with ada’s moderation style for LBZ, and i don’t disagree with her choice here, either

the things you’re explaining are things i’ve been thinking about, though, so i appreciate you saying them, regardless

so uh, generally, as transgender people and allies, we use one’s respect of a transgender person’s gender as a gauge of how valid they perceive the self identification of gender

and this includes trans people who have done shitty things, committed crimes, or, as in your case, been abusive

we use this as a gauge because it reflects how much the viewer believes that respect of gender identity is a right vs a privilege. if a trans person commits a crime or wrongs you, and you decide misgendering that person is OK, then it would seem you think treating trans people as their gender is revocable i.e. a privilege, not a right

it’s not so much “hurting our feelings” as, indicating to us, that trans rights are not important to you, or that the transgender identity is only worth respecting if you’re a “good person”, or whatever you judge is such

now, i will say, it’s completely understandable that the woman you’re talking about has trouble gendering her abuser correctly, for many reasons you have pointed out, and i think it would have been good for her to have been met with more compassion, since this can be a difficult thing even for people coming from less abusive circumstances

however, i would also note that you are misgendering her abuser, and you have no such defense, so why do you feel like it’s alright to misgender someone because they’re an abuser? you say you’re a staunch defender of LGBTQ rights, but for the reasons i explained above, those actions are not reflective of that ideal

defending this abused woman, in this case, makes a lot of sense. but you have no defense for misgendering her abuser, you were not the one abused, so why are you doing it?

obviously, we can’t control your language. however, free speech is not a guaranteed right, here in this community, and honestly, i would advocate for you to be banned here, too, since it really seems like you care more about your ability to misgender someone because you think they’re bad, rather than recognize that trans people can do bad things, and we can still condemn that (and honestly, insult them and call them bastards or whatever), without having to resort to misgendering them and furthering the normalization of delegitimizing trans people

do you game or do other hobbies that keep your hands busy but your ears open? throw up some of those self love affirmation videos off youtube, the ones you’re supposed to listen to while sleeping. i can’t speak for if they work while you sleep, they’d keep me up, but they work great as essentially background noise and help your mood and self compassion improve over time

instead of braces, you can get surgery and fix your jaw that way, which will also move your jaw forward and (maybe, i guess?) eliminate the need for a chin enhancing implant

there’s not like a problem if you do get braces, but you could kill two birds with one stone instead of spending the time and effort on braces and then getting chin enhancing FMS

if you like your chin and don’t plan to get FMS, just get braces, though

can a brotha get a sound warning on this piece?

turned my volume up bc i thought it was gonna be a quiet fox noise and got CLANGGGG 💀💀💀

this is an interesting question. i’m transmasc and a little over five years since coming out and starting HRT. i’m also pretty old (for the internet, anyways), so i had lived a life while presenting female - i have a lot of experiences, memories, friends, ect from that time period

i never had dreams where i was a man, pre-transition. even nowadays, sometimes i dream and it uses my past self concept as a woman. it was a little surprising to realize i had dreams where i was a man, actually (which would have probably been a few years after i transitioned). but it varies, and i don’t put too much stock in it. it was hard enough for me to figure out that i’m a man, i don’t hold it against my dreams or whatever. and, conversely, it doesn’t bring me a ton of relief if i have a dream where i am a man, because i am one when i wake up, and that’s all that matters to me

in a lot of ways though, when i dream, my essence is that of myself, with the traits that i largely identify as - not male or female, but rather, determined, persevering, and intent on finding truth. these define who i am much more than my gender, in my dreams

all that said, the question about self concept is the hardest one for me to answer. i feel like an entirely separate person - albeit one who has the memories of another person’s lived life - and, in a way, the same heart. however, there is a definite break between where she ended and i began, which was marked by the moment i realized that i’m trans. so i don’t really know how to answer that, maybe it’s a slower and less traumatic experience for others? i had to forget everything i had learned, i had to rediscover who i was from scratch. in doing so, i realized that many things i attributed to “who i am” were much more tenuous than i had previously believed

but i think that’s a good realization, to know that you’ll still be yourself no matter what changes. it frees you to grow as a person, without clinging to notions of who you were or who you should be

no matter what you need to do to survive or blend in, no matter what body you have, don’t forget or doubt yourself in your womanhood

i might have had more to write, but i’m too sleepy and thought it would be better to write this out before i forgot. i’m looking forward to reading more of the responses in this thread later though