its hard for me to really understand why?

I think usually the answer is pretty personal. I’ve spent many nights binging youtube or some such, in hopes that someone else may have unpacked something I’m going through already. It helps me to listen to other people’s stories from similar backgrounds as me (at least in certain aspects).

Otherwise, I definitely don’t think it’s silly to get upset over a word. Words are one of the main tools we use to relate to each other (other than art), so they hold a lot of meaning. It’s part of what makes messing around with them in the form of writing or poetry so fun (imo).

If I were to try, my best guess might be that you’ve come across situations where that word was used to “other” someone and maybe you didn’t see it as a problem at the time and internalised it somewhat, to the point where it came up in an otherwise innocuous thought about yourself. Maybe it irks you, because now that you clearly identify with not being cis, you instinctively know that you’re not lesser or less deserving of love, care and respect than any other person.

So a simple affirmation to tell yourself to combat that situation might be “I deserve to be loved, just like anyone” or “I deserve to be seen as an equal to my peers”. Tbh the affirmations you get from doing this often end up sounding like some “live, laugh, love” shit a little bit from an outsider’s perspective, but if you dig down and find the core truth that you’ve neglected to internalise due to this fucked up world, then it can actually be really healing and effective, from my experience at least. But it can also take time and multiple cycles of “this truth is bullshit actually”, which hopefully will make you want to dig down deeper and find what’s actually going on.

To add a little warning at the end tho, it’s not like this is the end-all way of “fixing yourself”. We’re all living in the same fucked place and are going through an almost incomprehensible amount of fuckery together. Sometimes you won’t be able to find the exact reason you’re feeling a certain way and that’s still okay and doesn’t mean you’re any less truthful to yourself or any less deserving of being ok. Sometimes we even unpack these things as a society, when certain previously unseen contradictions sharpen to the point of being unbearable and spill out into the open.