I’d be Cables Don’t Tangle Man.
I take perfect shits no matter what. Never constipated or have diahrea. Wipes are always perfectly clean.
But that’s my “me” time…
You can still hang out or whatever your thing is.
B-side Man
Your super hero name is now “Number Two”
What’s the opposite of procrastination?
Eagerness girl? That… sounds wrong somehow.All hail Productiva, Slayer of Tasks!
Fuck yes. I want that one!
I’d be infinite stamina man. never get out of breath again, even while jogging
I don’t know if this qualifies as “b-tier”, but I’d really would like a superpower where when hearing a sound I knew exactly what made it.
I live in an old house, in the middle of a forest. Lots of weird noises both inside and outside. Being able to know if a sound I just heard requires my attention (i.e. “is that some animal messing around in my walls, or just the old wood squeaking”) would be gold. The amount of times I’ve gotten out of bed in the middle of the night to investigate something is too damn high. After countless mice, vasps nests, birds, and various mammals deciding to move in with us, my paranoia levels have skyrocketed.
Would also sort out the “is that my kid crying, or just the draft through the vents”-question, as well as “is that normal wood settling noises, or is there more rot I’ve yet to find and the whole house is collapsing”.
I’m happy I’m not alone. Last night something was going through my kitchen. It sounded larger than a mouse and it didn’t care about making noise. You know that moment when you’re asleep and your body wakes you up slightly cuz something is off. And you’re in that low power state thinking about whether you should think or not because it’ll wake you up?
Anyway I was so exhausted I thought let it have some fun I just can’t care.
There are dozens of us!
I’ve had the exact same reaction - “whatever it is, as long as it stays out of the bedroom I’ll deal with it tomorrow”.
My favorite incident here, as a tangent, is when my wife came to me for help while I was doing something in the garden. A large crow was sitting on the kitchen counter. My initial thought was “well there goes my day” as birds tend to be the worst to get out. However, everyone keep saying how smart those birds are so I figured I’d do what I do when half-ferral cats stumble in.
So I walked in, see the crow, the crow sees me, and we kind of just stare at each other. I slowly backed up, went around the house and entered again through the backdoor. I grabbed his attention again before going out once more, and in again through the main door. We stared at each other some more, and then he just lightly jumped across the floor and went out the back door. No frantical flying and crapping everywhere. 10/10 experience as far as birds stuck in the house goes.
It’s probably in my imagination, but we shared a moment there. What’s not in my imagination though is that afterwards a bunch of crows started hanging around the house. So I started giving them some snacks every once in a while, because why not. Long story long, we have a small murder of crows watching over the property.
The crow whisperer.
A while back my shed suddenly was demolished spontaneously. So I’m running around in full makeup trying to get all the gardening stuff out to put it in my place.
There were some shockingly large spiders there. I’m talking the largest that I’ve ever seen irl outside a zoo.
Doesn’t matter, eggs and all are going inside.
So the other day I woke up and I saw one of those babies right above my head on the wall. I’m like I better get rid of this thing before I give it a name. Scurries off under my bed.
I imagine it’s still there but I’ve made my peace with it.
And as for mice. Honestly I’d build them a little home and give them little sandwiches. In fact I have made little sandwiches for them. The issue is just that they make my kitchen dirty.
Your house sounds awesome to look at, but my ADHD wouldn’t allow me to live there. Nothing would get done, and my family would die when the house collapsed.
This sounds like a good premise for a horror story. You get your hearing superpower and everything is finally great, no need to get up and investigate benign noises. And then one day, you hear a sound that no matter what you do, you can’t tell what and where it’s coming from.
That would make a great writing prompt imo [email protected]
I’ll be “Always-knows-what-that-weird-pain-is Man”
Single square of toilet paper man
Sorry that’s A-tier
I’d say S-tier actually
Shit-tier?
I chose being able to make other people fart or burp. Well on a second thought, that’s maybe C tier at best.
B Tier would be able to make people overhear their wakeup alarm. Useless against people with a good inner clock though.
I would be Sleep-on-command man
That’s me. The secret is to give up caffeine entirely and stick to a sleep schedule even on weekends.
I did the opposite. I just work so much that I’m exhausted all the time.
If you’re in a state of perma-exhaustion, sleep is easy
I have that one and it gets annoying some times.
It’s “on command”. Stop commanding yourself to sleep. 😁
Missed that detail. I’m just the sleep-anywhere-anytime-as-long-as-I-am-not-moving, then.
“puts his pants on both legs at the same time” guy.
His coup de grâce is getting out of bed in the morning.
The power to always pack exactly the right things that I will need when I go somewhere.
As an American it obviously has to be no healthcare bills man.
I don’t think that one is B tier in the USA.
I’ve got a friend with FANTASTIC health, and over the course of her life it’s probably saved her a hundred thousand dollars compared to the average person
That’s like A+ tier.
My toes are unstubbable
The trade-off is you now have a 1d4 chance of stepping on LEGO bricks in the dark. Even if you don’t own any LEGO.
Considering how expensive those bricks are getting, I think that’s a pretty good tradeoff
Wow now this is the superpower I want. I’d walk through my house in the dark with WILD ABANDON!
Then good luck to your shin.
Eh, I played soccer and work as a maintenance man in the hospitality industry so my shins are long since destroyed.
Ah, the shins of a hockey player…
And step on the cat
Be careful what you wish for, your superpower could just remove your toes.
No-one said anything about a monkey’s paw!
Or break all your table and chair legs whenever your foot approaches them.
That button in the lift that closes the doors? I can press it with the power of my mind.
Definitely a rabbit. Dude with Let Me Take Your Luggage is doing some pretty cool stuff ngl
Food-doesnt-make-me-overweight-or-mess-up-my-health man.
So I can eat whatever I want and it’s perfectly healthy for me whatever it is. I’d eat ao much ice cream it wouldn’t be funny.
