So I landed a really nice job with a really cool company and they plan on hiring me this March, but before they can do that I need to pass a drug test. My manager personally doesn’t care whether or not I smoke weed but I live in a state where weed is illegal, and the company does care and would bar me from hiring if I were to fail a drug test.
I was stupid and smoked a fuck ton of weed last Sunday (before I knew that A; I need to take a drug test in the first place, and B; that weed can remain present in urine for up to (and possibly over) 30 days in frequent smokers (which I am)). This would originally have been fine if it weren’t for the fact that after agreeing to the background check, I would be scheduled for a drug test by the 13th (within 4 days). So my original plan to just drink a shit ton of water to flush myself out within a month wouldn’t work.
I also had a plan to sneak in a jar of my sober friend’s pee but then I learned that you’re actually required to pee in front of the observer so that plan wouldn’t work either.
So basically I’m fucked and I don’t know what to do :( My future pretty much depends on this job and I don’t know what I would do if I were to fuck this opportunity up. What do I do?
Also, idk how relevant this is but I’m 5’9" (~175 cm), 160 lbs (~72.6 kg), AMAB, and very infrequently exercise. I also have POTS so I sweat frequently and have poor water retention.
I have nothing to say that hasn’t already been said but good luck OP o7. Rooting for you
Obviously the first step is to stop smoking yesterday. You can buy test strips off of Amazon. I’d recommend getting those and then testing yourself as soon as you get them. And for the next several weeks you should have a huge container of water in your hands at all times and constantly drinking (and peeing). Once a week you should test yourself and if you are still showing positive when it is time for your test then you may want to see if you can postpone (like, maybe an out of town uncle died or something).
The test is in 4 days.
Yeah, you’re probably going to want to “get COVID.”
erowid.org has advice on passing drug tests
I second this (consulting Erowid), because my advice/direct experience is almost 20 years old.
back then (maybe today?) head shops would also sell “detox drinks” which was basically like a 20oz bottle of a colored drink.
the instructions would be to wait until maybe an hour or 30 mins before the test, down the entire bottle. then refill the bottle with water and drink that. within like 10 minutes you’ll have to pee. after that first pee, youll feel the need to go every 20 mins or so and all of those will be “clean”.
I used it to pass employment drug screens multiple times and would keep a bottle in my trunk just in case. pretty sure it was just an over the counter diuretic.
I don’t have advice (sorry), this is just a massive cultural difference between the US and Canada, and I never understood why it is a thing there. In Canada there’s basically only drug tests for like pilots or truckers, I’ve never been asked to do one for a job.
America likes to drug test for jobs that people should absolutely be smoking weed to cope with. Ive had to do it for basic computer repair and i think fucking Blockbuster made me do it too.
Zydot. I’ve personally used it to pass tests. You have to follow the directions exactly, but it works.
Another tactic to stall is to piss dilute by drinking an absurd amount of water. That is usually an automatic re-test but it takes like a week to come back from the lab so it buys time
I got sent back the next day one time, because my urine was too dilute. Funny enough, it didn’t matter to me because I was clean, but I like to stay hydrated I guess.
But just saying, it very much depends on the testing center
Yep, also beware that different companies have different standards. If you’re trying to enter a Federal govt position or you’re on Parole they might consider a “dilute” as a “fail” whereas the company I worked for considered it “null” and required a re-test.
If the test isn’t monitored, the safest bet if you’ve smoked weed in the last 30 days is to cheat with a water balloon of clean piss, as I mentioned above.
is the employer telling you it’ll be monitored? What’s the setup, is this a “Go to the office and piss in a cup for us” or is it a “go to an actual lab”. In either case synthetic piss should work (if it looks legit and passes the test strip they just toss the sample, no follow-ups) but absolutely under no circumstances should you work for a company where another employee watches you pee, that’s a massive red flag.
a company where another employee watches you pee
that’s how they do it in the US military, lmao.
absolutely under no circumstances should you work for a
company where another employee watches you peethe US militarystill true
You have any clean friends? Buy some of their piss, use a Turkey baster/snot sucker to fill up a water balloon, warm it in hot water in a ziploc in the car before you go into the lab, put it in your underwear (wear briefs or boxer briefs or some other type of tight underwear).
Make sure to bring a tac in one of your pockets. Once in the bathroom poke the balloon over the cup while peeing into the toilet. Smuggle the shreds of the balloon out the same way it came in.
I’ve done this twice successfully.
Other than the advice here, can you get a prescription for medical cannabis? Or what the rules are for out of state lawful cannabis consumption?
Employers like that don’t give a fuck if you have a prescription. If they get a dime of federal funding for whatever reason then the companies are required by feds to “prove” they are in compliance with federal employment guidlines. Which also means
No reefer.Gross country
Until its schedule 3 they are not obligated to care about that. If they are involved with the Feds or under federal regulations even if they wanted to they may still have to test for it.
For example I live in a legal weed state but because I work in the maritime industry(maybe bad opsec but whatever) and there are extremely strict rules that require random drug testing. There is even a law here that prohibits employers for testing for it but it doesn’t matter because the fed rules override it
If this isn’t a critical job where inspectors will stare at you as piss flows out your body, just ask someone to piss and put it in a big or small container and pour it into whatever container you’re giving to the testers. I really don’t think you need to do all that extra stuff with putting it in some contraption in your pants. You’ll need it to be warm, but just put it in a IV bag or something so it’ll fit in your back pocket or in your underwear lol.
Some people are suggesting ordering fake piss, but it might not come on time. In my experience, it’ll take a whole day to process the order, one day to put it on a truck or plane, THEN x days to get it delivered to you. So two day shipping may really be 4 day shipping. Plus I don’t know what they’re testing, but if fake piss is just colored tap water with piss scent, then it’ll probably not show up as piss in results.
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If you’re not a regular smoker, you will probably be okay, but definitely listen to the person who was talking about b12 and foamy piss etc.
I only smoke occasionally and I’ve passed tests a few days after smoking.
Prosthetic and fake pee may still be another option, practice using it before the test obviously.
A buddy of mine has passed numerous tests using a method with fruit pectin, creatine and drinking a fuckton of water. Essentially it sends most of the cannabis metabolites to your stool instead of your urine. It’s worked for him every time, just requires some materials from the grocery store and starting the process the day before your test. Definitely your best bet if they’re gonna make you piss in front of someone which is absolutely ridiculous. Important to note, its not a complete cleanse, but if you’ve already abstained for a week or so then it should work well enough.
Idk if someone already mentioned this but most dollar stores sell weed piss tests. Supposedly not as sensitive as most 12 panels, so if you’re going with some sort of detox strategy, take a couple tests beforehand and if you fail you know you gotta fake or delay somehow.
Metabolism varies a lot, I know heavy smokers who’ve pissed clean within a couple days using head shop detoxes. Detox drinks seem sus to me but idk.
If you don’t think you can pass and don’t want to fake, come up with a believable and verifiable emergency to buy yourself a couple days.
Option A(one I recommend as it has served me well throughout multiple drug tests over the years): Ask a friend who doesn’t smoke to piss in a water bottle for you, get a pair of gloves and one of those smaller contact lens solution bottles. Put on the gloves, rinse out the solution bottle and then pour some piss into it. Get a glove (optional) and a belt. Buy some hot-hands or other similar hand warmer from a gas station like 30 minutes before you have to take the test. Have the glove belted to your inner thigh so it isn’t obvious if they make you keep the door open. Handwarmer should get it warm enough (if you do like I used to and activate it in the gas station bathroom while you’re belting the piss to your thigh so it has time to warm up) that they’re not like “wow your piss is really cold”. The only downside of this method is, if you show up and there’s unexpectedly a line, you can potentially give yourself a nice burn from the hot-hands like I once did in high-school when I showed up to take the drug test for a local themepark and there were like 30 people in the room also waiting to piss in a cup while the one lab corp technician stood by the bathroom door.
Option B (I’ve only had this method work once and I am an extremely skinny pothead, so you’ll probably have better results but it isn’t my preferred method since the chances are slim for someone whose minimal fat cells are probably pure THC at this point): Exercise, drink cranberry juice, and make sure you’ve pissed like at least twice the day of. Then it’s just a matter of diluting your piss with heavy water intake. Vitamin B12 and whatnot as others have said helps.
