Please don’t ask why I need this.
It would be great if the food also made me sweat less.
It has to be something I can easily find.
EDITS FOR CLARIFICATION:
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I am not planning on partaking in any illegal activities.
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I do not condone the use of illegal substances and am not planning on smuggling anything anywhere.
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I am not going on a hiking trip or mailing myself anywhere.
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I will be staying in a tent (not a small one; a huge with with air conditioning and everything). I will be traveling for five days, returning to my current location on day 3 and traveling again on the last two days. I will not poop on the first three days (hopefully).
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Clean toilets with all the expected facilities will be available to me. I am not going to poop for reasons that I wish to keep to myself.
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If it gets bad, like really bad, like a-piece-of-poop-is-literally-halfway-out-my-ass bad, I will use the toilets.
Please stop asking because I am not telling anyone the reason.
so this is where Lemmys lore began
What I would do in this situation would be a 4-day fast. It’s not for everybody, but you might want to at least consider it, because it’s definitely doable, and some people even claim it’s healthy (disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, don’t take medical advice from random people on the internet).
To prepare, I would suggest switching to OMAD (one meal a day - effectively you will be fasting 23h every day) up until the trip. OMAD will help your body adjust to long periods of not eating. To be successful with OMAD, you need to ensure that your single meal will cover your daily calorie and nutrient needs. There’s a bunch of resources about it online if you search.
Eat your last meal 48h before the trip - this will give you a chance to empty your bowels before you leave. Every day, make sure you drink enough electrolytes + take multivitamins. On the final day of your trip, it should be safe to have a SMALL meal (do not overdo it, you can hurt yourself by eating too much after a fast) - it should take your body over a full day before you’ll need to poop.
How long do you have to prepare? Personally, when I first started doing OMAD, it took me over a month before my body became adjusted to fasting. But now, it just feels completely natural.
I have only two days to prepare. I’ll also have to walk around a lot during those three days so I don’t think I’ll be able to survive with only one meal.
I was worried that lemmy wouldn’t reach the pinnacle of quality to match reddit, and then this post came along to soothe those fears. Good luck on your no poop quest.
This is the perfect comment, I laughed so hard
enjoy your sex trip and I wish you happy bottoming! if you’re not going to be doing too much physical labor during this time I recommend going full bottom mode: the week ahead of it start eating very lightly, initially a high fiber diet with added psyllium husk or metamucil. your body might be different but mine would say no dairy during this time. for the day before or even two, switch to a meatless and somewhat low fiber diet - ramen noodles is a classic, cookies, soup, other carbs. before you leave for the trip, clean out with an enema bulb (or store bought enemas if your ass is bougie or inexperienced). the combination of low fiber and low food throughput should keep you from having to poop and whatever poop is still in your tract will get largely removed by the enema.
while you’re out at your fuck-tent, consume most of your calories from simple carbs as much as your body will handle so as to give your microbiome less to work with - applesauce is kinda nice, fruit snacks, white bread. eat like a twink!
remember to stay hydrated!! I know you’re not trying to pee either but it’s important to hydrate even if it means suffering whatever penalty your dom is giving you when you ask to be let out to pee
lmaooooo
eat like a twink!
Is this why they call it the BRAT diet?
while you’re out at your fuck-tent
I’m dead holy shit 🤣
Gimping: A Primer
This guy kinks
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the real LPT is always in the comments
This is the way
I’ve replied to quite a few people and I’m going to bed now.
I’ll edit the posts with updates when my poopless journey ends. Either when the three-day poopless period is over (28th June) or when the whole thing is over (30 June/1 July).
Wish me luck.
This is the first post on lemmy I’ve bookmarked, congrats
Do we have remind me set up yet?
Remember: No vid, no did
(but seriously good luck and please don’t hurt/injure yourself my friend. Godspeed!)
Shine on, you crazy diamond.
Godspeed op. May your cheeks remain pristine.
It’s been 6 days since the original post. OP was 3 days out from the poopless leg of his trip. OP, I hope everything went according to plan!
Please update when back!
Sort comments by new to see his latest update.
What a time to be alive!
I nearly dropped my papers!
OP doesn’t want his crush knowing that he poops. Simple as.
This is one of those threads that’s going go be legendary is it? Like the eating their own foot on early Reddit
I’m honestly pretty sure I’ve read this on reddit and it’s a repost. Trying to remember which sub I read it on. This is not the first time in the past few weeks that I’ve read a person mysteriously trying to avoid pooping for a few days.
That’s a weird early Lemmy comment on my part.
Poop is always popular. Poop is universal. Poop is fun. We all poop. Poop is guaranteed engagement. While I don’t mind a poop post here and there, I sure hope we won’t bring all of those obviously fake posts from Reddit over here.
Use anti diarrhea medication, for example Loperamide, it’s available in every normal pharmacy (found it in France and Germany, no idea where you are). It will basically numb all your muscles in your gut and it will become impossible to poop.
For three days that should be fine, but you should reduce your food volume a bit.
This is unhealthy and stupid!!! But it works and is not crazy dangerous for your body.
P.S.:I guess you should just overcome your social fears and poop like a normal person.
This is unhealthy and stupid!!
So long as we’re giving this kind of advice, I don’t know why we’re stopping at loperamide
OP, heroin and other psychotropic opioids do the exact same thing. They’re much cheaper and more fun.
You could also superglue your anus shut. Fun imho but many will disagree
I’ll definitely grant you “more fun”, but cheaper??? Either you need a new Immodium guy or I need a new heroin guy…
I mean, I definitely need a new heroin guy, but that’s not the point and has nothing to do with OP, lol
Legendary post
``I was here for this post that will go down in Fediverse history.
This is like some bizzaro 90’s sitcom. “Quick, I need your help to not poop for 3 days! No time to explain!”
Without context. This is such a hilarious situation, it’s like, when a sitcom character whos role is to be the goof of the bunch, asks his friends this question and he’s serious and frantic.
