People and their kids like to come over unannounced, and without permission, to look at my ducks like it’s the fuckin zoo or some shit.
Need some humor for this situation to ease my frustration
HIMARS
“I’m assisting as part of an experimental penal system. I just want you to be aware that all of these ducks were once human child rapists who were transformed in exchange for lighter sentences.”
Obvious answer is to give the kids ducklings for every visit. Pressuring kids parents to stop their kids coming over without permission. Unless they want to own duck pets.
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Or, the neighbourhood starts a new trend for duckling soup…
You kids stay the DUCK off my lawn!!!
My grandmom used to hang dead birds in her garden to warn others from coming to eat her berries. Maybe this works with kids too, you just need to get a dead one from somewhere first.
Walls, barbed wire, around the entire perimeter. Hire a pmc to patrol the grounds. If the kids are caught, extraordinary rendition them to a blacksite in an allied former Soviet state. If they escape before capture, send out operatives disguised as soccer/little league/gymnastics coaches until you locate and black bag them. Same fate as the initially captured. They’ll either get the memo or run out of kids
If they escape before capture, send out operatives disguised as soccer/little league/gymnastics coaches until you locate and black bag them.
Put up a sign that says, “Pursuant to ordinance 347-1236, a sexual predator resides here”
That makes it sounds like it’s legally mandated for there to be a sexual predator there. When the house gets sold, do the new owners now have to go and molest someone??
And to think usually the buyers are the ones getting fucked.
Build a moat. It would certainly keep me out.
Now the ducks colonize the moat and you have two attractions. You may or may not also need a third - a drawbridge - for your own access.
Solve that problem with a portcullis. Now you have four attractions.
Woohoo, free swimming pool!
Now, a lava moat…
It wouldn’t be a clean pool though.
Yeah, everyone knows the kids pee in there.
I was thinking more like it catches leaves and dead animals.
You could make sure they see you taking a dump on the closet edge of your yard, build a fence like that and I think they’ll get the message
Go back to Jersey tweakers
“There is at least one more bear trap on my grounds than you can spot.”
Trespassers will be trebucheted.
Decorate your home like a child’s bedroom.
Have photos of only you everywhere, esp in the bathroom and hallways.
Invite just the parents over for dinner. Serve blue rare steaks and have the fanciest silverware arranged on the tables.
Cover your yard in red paint, chunks of meat and feathers? You wanted humour, but was that a bit too grim? Sorry…
Put up a gate and a sign saying “$1 Entrance Fee”. If you want to get even sillier, draw a horizontal line about 7ft off the ground on the sign plus the text “Must be at least this tall to enter”.
Build an exact replica of that area right next to the original. They’ll be confused, are they visiting the real ducks or a simulacrum of the ducks?
