Once you have solved this filthy little secret problem that you’ve been hiding from your loved ones, you can turn your attention to those big greasy turds that you have been producing every day. You flush them away but we know, we can smell the odour of shit and air freshener. We know when the captain starts walking with short strides he’s clearing the poop deck, ready to drop anchor.

bro is doing the 3 day no fart challenge 💀

It’s not possible to never fart but you can do things to reduce gas in your intestines. Here is an article about it. Sounds pretty miserable to me.

https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-stop-farting#elimination-diet

Yes. A keto diet (less than 20gr of carbohydrates per day) or a no-carb diet make you rarely if ever fart.

Bacteria in your intestines can break down some carbs releasing methane and hydrogen gas. If there is very little carbs in your diet, then the bacteria in your gut won’t produce a lot of gas.

This is a common realization of first-timers of these diets and therefore a frequently asked question on r/keto etc.

Side-note:

Due to the shift in diet, some gut bacteria, that rely heavily on carbs, might die off, which increases gas, but after a couple of days your body adapts to the diet and the flatulence ends.

There is a diet created by Monash University researchers called the Low FODMAP diet. Essentially FODMAPs are harder to digest sugars that exacerbate GI symtpoms, like farts and cramps. Most people won’t see or feel much of a difference but those with GI issues (or those with a fart journal) may see a difference with the diet

However it is a rather strict diet to keep at first until you start reintroducing foods to figure out which foods cause the gas, so I would only recommend it if the gas is extreme or there is cramping or other GI related symtpoms.

I was on the diet for over a year by recommendation of a gastroenterologist and can confirm that after some time the farts were kinda rare and not the smelly kind. But like others have mentioned, farts are natural and cannot be eliminated.

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Neat fact: Late in WWII, Germany deployed a rocket fighter. This rocket could climb to 12K in a three minuets. Consequently, the pilots had to eat a special low fiber diet to prevent gas because the change in pressure caused severe intestinal distress.

Of course that was the least of the pilot’s problems. The Me163 was so crazy dangerous it made OceanGate look as safe as the Bank of England.

Uhoh. It’s another no poo post

I hardly ever fart, the rest of my family are a veritable natural gas factory. I do not eat sugar, or dairy and an vegetarian. Lots of black beans, not magical fruit for me. I never eat processed foods, and hardly ever eat bread or other gluten… I do have pasta once a week or so

I can guarantee that if you drank pure petroleum and ate quicklime then you would spend the rest of your life without worrying about farts.

Cyanid comes to mind.

Im not sure if this is allowed, but I asked chatgpt because I just discovered it and I’m bored:

Flatulence is a natural bodily function and a normal part of the digestive process. It is not possible to eliminate farting completely, as it is a result of gas buildup in the gastrointestinal system. However, certain dietary changes may help reduce excessive gas production and the frequency of flatulence:

1. Avoid gas-producing foods: Some foods can cause more gas than others, such as beans, lentils, cabbage, broccoli, onions, carbonated drinks, and certain types of fruits. Limiting or avoiding these foods may help decrease flatulence.

2. Eat smaller, more frequent meals: Overeating can lead to increased intestinal gas production. Consuming smaller portions at mealtime and having regular, balanced meals throughout the day can be beneficial.

3. Slow down while eating: Eating too quickly can cause swallowing air, leading to increased gas in the digestive system. Take your time to chew food thoroughly and avoid talking while eating.

4. Be mindful of food intolerances: Some individuals may have intolerances to certain foods, such as lactose or gluten, which can contribute to excessive gas production. Identifying and avoiding trigger foods can help alleviate symptoms.

5. Probiotics: Consuming foods and beverages that contain live cultures of beneficial bacteria (probiotics) may help promote a healthy balance of gut bacteria and reduce digestive issues, including gas. Examples include yogurt, sauerkraut, and kefir.

Remember, occasional flatulence is normal and healthy. If you experience excessive or persistent bloating, discomfort, or changes in bowel habits, it is advisable to consult a medical professional to rule out any underlying digestive conditions or concerns.

My auntie swore by taking charcoal tablets. We just suspected she’d gone deaf.

The whole30 diet did that and more for me!

Gut ecology is complex and everyone’s is different and it changes over time and with age and when you have to take antibiotics, etc. There’s no one sure-fire way to just eliminate it.