Motor mouth
If they aren’t vegan.
Or, hear me out: if they are
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Yeah fuck people who are against animal abuse and actually live out their principles.
Like you could at least say “preachy vegans”. This is still problematic, because it ignores that everyone is preachy about issues they understand are immoral (we’re all preachy anti-racists, anti-rapists, etc.)
But just saying “vegan” is wild.
🚩
- Misophonia (slurping, chewing, degenerate behaviour)
- Lack of hygiene (eating with unwashed hands, fingering your nose, scratching your butt, dropping things on floor and eating with same unwashed hands, 5 second rule is mental illness)
- Overwhelming disregard for facts over feelings. Emotions are good but in a limited capacity, and cannot overtake logic in general.
- Brand fever, capitalism culture worshipping.
- Disrespect for your mind, body and soul. If you are fat or unhealthy, do not exercise, are constantly on social media drip feed rotting your brain, you do not exist.
- Emotional copers. Just get shit done.
- Solve your traumas before coming. I am not a part time therapist doing freelancing for you.
- No drugs, no smoking history. Minor to no alcohol.
- No past adultery, and a disgust for infidelity.
^This guy dates.
So, if I meet all other criteria, but I quit smoking in 2017 I’m out?
Pretty much. I need no factors that will result in potential neuro disorders or other problems carrying into my spouse or offspring in the future. Observing a family member’s death from alcohol, and another with Alzheimer’s from a history of alcohol and smoking, has made me consider these things strictly.
I guess that’s fair, best of luck.
Horniness mismatch. You’ll never synch up exactly, but if you aren’t at least in the same ballpark, everyone just comes away frustrated.
that’s not trivial that’s really important
That’s what polamory is for! I would hate to miss out on an emotionally meaningful relationship just because pp goes hard to often or pp not go hard often enough.
Never tried myself, but I’ve two sets of pals that are in poly relationships. The best advice they gave my curious mind on the topic is “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.” I’m still curious about trying some time, but it’s certainly not a “hell yes” for me.
Hmm yes that might be good advice. There is definitely a lot of work to be done on oneself if someone has only been in mono relationships.
If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a hell no.
A very common phrase is polyam circles. I’d recommend reading literature by and for polyamorous people if you still find yourself curious, but hesitant. Thorntree Press has a good selection of books to choose from. Also, seek out polyamory groups in your area. There are FB polyamory groups in just about every major city that usually aren’t too hard to search for, and those groups will often have a monthly munch which would afford you the opportunity to ask questions of a variety of people who live that relationship style.
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Bro said he is close with his ex-partners 💀
It’s a much bigger red flag if they hate everyone they’ve ever broken up with. That’s just childish. So your shit didn’t work out? Shake hands and walk along. They still have the good traits that made you consider them in the first place.
Yea sure, but you don’t have to be close to them and still be friends. Just move on
No one said you had to. Straw man.
It’s a much bigger red flag if they hate everyone they’ve ever broken up with.
“And what’s the common thread here?”
I find it very promising when someone I date, when they reflect on a past relationship, is willing to admit the mistakes they made which led to the breakup and highlight the positive steps they’ve taken to rectify those shortcomings to become a better person and not cause future partners the same hurt. Very sexy, that.
Exactly. There’s a big difference between recognizing mistakes and projecting all failures on the other person.
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If you have one crazy ex, you have one crazy ex. If you have all crazy exes, you ARE the crazy ex. But if you have no crazy exes but a bunch of relationships that didn’t work out I’d want to make sure you aren’t their crazy ex.
I do have a crazy ex, it’s an ongoing joke my friends talk about to this day. She tried to burn my apartment down because I had a birthday card from my sister. She peed in a solo cup and left it on my floor. She broke all the mirrors in my apartment because I didn’t tell her she was pretty that day. Oh, she also threatened me with a firearm because I didn’t chase her into the next room to make her feel better after an argument.
I’d say those quantify her as pretty loose in the head. Her parents were great though, we even did stuff without her because they knew how difficult she could be.
Not that you said people can’t have crazy ex’s, but for real, some people are just a tad unhinged. My other relationships were all fine and handled pretty well all in all.
Incapacity to discuss random topics just for the fun of it. Taking herself too seriously.
I married an Irish/Scottish girl. I should have seen the gorgeous red hair and green eyes and run for the hills, but no.
She’ll debate anything, any time, anywhere. Trump during a commercial? Sure. Abortion over a muffin? Totally. Raisins (scourge or sweet snack?) in an airline security line? All day.
Find yourself a good scot and you’ll converse until you die. Violently.
Talking abortion over muffin is unironically the most hilarious idea I’ve read today.
I don’t see the problem. Sounds like an awesome person
Red hair green eyes and conversable ? You might have unlocked something in me.
Incompatible taste in music. My taste is the benchmark they have to meet and I will not compromise, obviously.
Music is incredibly important to me, and the music tastes of me and my girlfriend could not be much more incompatible. We have a great relationship though, it can be a strength: we challenge each other to broaden our horizons. But it does lead to suboptimal car rides haha
this is why i like to date people who don’t care about music.
I couldn’t date a cop
My sister in law is a cop when she’s not moonlighting as EMT or Fire. Met my wife Through her as the mutual friend. Her whole family is great.
I just don’t know where this toxic generalization comes from.
Do you actually not know where the generalization comes from, or do you just not like it?
What you want to do is hit back, and read a few headlines. I guarantee you’ll figure it out. I have faith in you.
Probably just salty about the tear gas. Maybe they just can’t get over being beaten to near hospitalization with a bicycle for protesting peacefully.
People who downvote EMTs and firefighters have a special place in hell.
People who downvote American cops have a special place in heaven.
That’s just a safety tip
Just the tip.
Something something, fuck the police!
Not like that
In a tight latex police uniform?
Is bad breath trivial? True story.
Nah. It’s a health thing, a hygiene thing, and a lack of social awareness. Nothing trivial about it
No
Picky eater or stuck on music from their youth.
Someone else mentioned libido mismatch, I don’t consider that trivial.
music from their youth
You mean Sesame Street or Nickelback? What kind of ‘youth’? What if it’s Nirvana or the stones?
If it’s the SpongeBob squarepants theme then it’s ok. In fact that’s a bonus.
It’s surprising how being stuck on music from your youth is common. While I do listen to new bands, I was reminded the other day that Futures by Jimmy Eat World is almost twenty years old.
I will say on the picky eating habit, that can be a common behavior seen in autistic folks. With me my picky eating stems from texture - if a food feels weird in my mouth I get nasty gag reflex or vomit. Doesn’t matter how often I try, there’s foods and ingredients that, if I chew on it, I will vomit. It fucking sucks. I have to swallow my edibles whole with water cause most gummies make me vomit if I chew them.
Obviously not all picky eating habits are autism related, but myself and the other autistic picky eaters I know are just as frustrated, if not more, about having those habits.
Being stuck on music though, that I can understand. Even with me having my comfort zones, it’s always an occasion worth celebrating when I find an artist or album that absolutely SLAPS me silly from how rad it is.
ADHD here, big texture issues too, I still won’t eat nuts or beans, due to similar reasons (they flake apart in my mouth and I hate the feeling), I have gotten better though, I’ll eat peppers and a lot of vegetables I hated as a kid.
As a kid, I wasn’t a picky eater, but I wouldn’t eat asparagus. Eventually I started eating it. One of the few common American foods I turned my nose up at? Chef Boyardee and similar canned soup noodles. To me, they were always overcooked pasta in a bland, overly salty, homogeneous tomato liquid. I love soup, but screw that.
This makes sense but would be such a mismatch with me. Also I think kids who do not get early exposure to flavors and textures can also develop into picky adults. It’s not a judgement exactly, but a hard no nonetheless.
I am opposite and enjoy novel textures and smells and flavors, enjoy cooking and eating (and cocktails!). It’s nice to share that with people. Obviously nobody likes EVERYTHING, I sure don’t, but just having that open mind about flavors is important to me.
Music, same - I just enjoy it so much, finding new songs, going to concerts. It’s not that I don’t like old - we went to see Foo Fighters, lol, and just recently Thievery Corporation, but the list of what I like has expanded so much since I was young till now. My husband listens most to basically dad rock but will come out to see new bands and quite often is so impressed and loves the music and performance, and he will hear stuff me or the kids are playing, ask about it and add it to his playlist. His mind is not closed.
Screw that, I’ll listen to Nofx until I die.
But only that? A lot of guys are so nostalgic about music they do not listen to new stuff, taste never grows or evolves at all, that is a bad sign to me.
Not saying abandon old music. Just open minded to new things, not stuck.
Must say I have a hard time getting to know new music in this so rapidly changing music world.
I was used to brick and mortar stores and friends having wildly different tastes in music, nowadays I think it’s complicated to just duck under the load of influence for commercial music (and other too I guess).
How am I even supposed to find new music I like, and that I can support, without enormous efforts?
Well I miss Google Play Music so much, it was creepy how well that algorithm worked, and it could find me very local concerts. But streaming in general and we have a good community radio station here, that’s how I find so much new stuff. What old music do you like? Maybe we should start a Lemmy community to recommend bands, based on bands people like?
Good idea!
I listen mostly to 1980-90 pop rock and french music :-)
Hmm, try Misterwives and Tennis. And now I’m thinking about it, also Lady Gaga, The 1979, Leon Bridges, Beyonce.
Hey thaaanks! Will do!
Man, with music, you like what you like.
That’s like saying your favorite desert is creme brule, and you order it all the time because it’s fucking delicious.
However, thanks for sharing.
Misuse of the oxford comma and bad speling.
Misuse of the oxford comma, and bad speling.
FTFY
Check again. Swipes left.
“Misuse of the Oxford comma, bad speling and taking jokes too far.”
1 out of 3. Swipe left.
lmao
How can one misuse the Oxford comma?
Not giving a fuck about it.
I have an ex with the same name as one of my sisters. You do that once, and it gets confusing and awkward. Twice? People start coming to really odd conclusions.
Kinda sucks, because I occasionally come across really women I would otherwise pursue for a relationship. But then they have the same name as my sister or my mom - NOPE.
What’s wrong with names? What if it’s a different name but the looks are exactly the same?
Red neck approves
My brother’s last three serious relationships all have hadthe same name. It’s not his fault that name was popular 3 years after he was born. The girls are nothing alike.
That said it’s a struggle not to call the current one New “Sarah”
Tammy One
Tammy Two
Tamara
For me its probably someone who uses tiktok.
During my last relationship my ex started using tiktok and for the few weeks she used it i had to listen to the dumbest “facts” as well as borderline malicious relationship and life advice. The bad misinformation is nothing compared to the repetitive nature of the music. She stopped using it on her own accord I didn’t force anything.
I still live with someone who is a heavy tik tok user and almost every time she says "i saw this tiktok… " I know I’m about to hear some dumb bullshit.
The app manipulates people, wastes their time and is full of undeclared product advertising. For my sanity I cannot date someone who thinks it’s OK to use that app.
everybody’s feed is an echo chamber. each person has access to something like 1% of the total videos posted, so two feeds will be unrecognizable. all the videos I get are about how to help Palestinian families, or short history documentaries, or a published linguist talking about interesting words, this guy who collects license plates (I don’t care about license plates but his channel is great), this guy who collects stamps and helps people evaluate the sets that they find in grandad’s closet (I don’t give a shit about stamps but the history that he talks about alongside them is great). the Green Brothers, if you’re still into them. plus all the major news outlets are on there, as well as quite a few politicians. woodworkers, clay artists, stonemasons, glass blowers, all showing their art daily
I’ve been blocking anybody who does undeclared advertising for like a year, and they just don’t show me that shit anymore
My partner totally asks me questions she hears from TikTok trends. Man vs bear, etc.
There’s some funny questions for sure. I laughed when I got asked the Rome question and I said probably every day.
Have a tidepod, it calms the nerves.
I don’t use tiktok, but some people have unusually based tiktok feeds. They can get direct footage from the genocide happening in Gaza, for example. I never get that recommended on YouTube, despite my very obvious socialist leanings, watching pro-Palestine content, etc.
This is the actual reason tiktok is being banned (if they don’t sell) after the election. One of the largest lobbying groups in America, AIPAC, in probably the most well-funded policy categories (pro-Israel policies) backs most of Congress. They’ve determined tiktok has far too much influence on American youth, and has made the Israel/Palestine divide a young/old divide more-so than a left/right divide.
There’s already a strong correlation between political leaning and age, which is problematic for the future of the fascist movement in America, but this issue falls outside the norm. You’ll find a lot of young conservatives calling for an end to the needless killing of civilians. They won’t call it a genocide because admitting Israel is a genocidal apartheid state is too far for them, but they can at least admit killing tens of thousands of children is not the right path here.
That kind of extremism (e.g not greenlighting any amount of culling of “human animals” Israel feels it needs to do) is unacceptable to the pro-Israel lobby, and they’re not used to getting this kind of pushback from the American public.
I completely disagree. I don’t think giving young people short snippets of war footage is a good thing at all. It doesn’t help them understand the conflict and warps their perspective.
They are at their most malleable and being shown extremely emotionally charged content. That’s not a good thing.
Yes, genocides are emotional. Watching children being blown up is something that should upset you. That’s actually happening in the real world.
Emotion isn’t the only thing that should inform your decisions, but pretending like you shouldn’t be upset at watching kids being blown up, or begging for their parents, or whatever else have you is just foolish.
I don’t think you understand what I was trying to get at. I don’t mean to say that genocide isn’t emotional and that we shouldn’t be upset by footage.
My response was saying that i think serving that kind of content to younger users who aren’t intentionally seeking it is insane. Tiktok algorithm pushes extreme content to it’s users which partly why I don’t like the app.
I think its fine for people my age to consume that content so my point originally was more that the content is dumb and I couldn’t be with someone who thought it was good content.
When we say younger, we might just be talking about different age groups. I imagine 16-30, and in that age range you’re not likely to come away with severe psychological scarring, but you will be deeply upset and that’s a good thing (we shouldn’t ignore genocide, we should be upset by it). Being upset leads to change.
If you’re talking about like 10 year olds watching it, sure I can agree. They can’t really do anything about it. They can’t go out and protest, or advocate for change, or vote, etc. Plus they’re much more likely to have genuine scarring. Issues sleeping, night terrors, trouble concentrating, etc.
As for “that content is dumb”, I assume you’re talking about tiktok in general. And again, for some people it’s definitely not dumb. People get served different things. Tiktok isn’t a platform trying to do good in the world, like any other social media platform it’s trying to drive engagement. However, it’s one of the few social media platforms outside of the U.S media interest groups, and that’s why the U.S is either banning them or forcing them to sell.
The end goal is to censor all of that raw footage of genocide, because it changes views. When you can hide behind rhetoric and not show how horrific the mass bombings are, you get a lot more leeway. That’s good for Israel, and why AIPAC and other Israel lobbies are the main forces behind this push in the U.S. In the end, the ban is bad for humanity (will allow the genocide to escalate without public backlash), but will be good for Israel and U.S elites.
When I say younger I am mostly talking about 12-18 but also certain people in the 18-21 range. I think after that you are emotionally capable of understanding and dealing with the evils of the world.
In response to the dumb content yeah its just content i find dumb from my point of view thats what I rate it as a trivial thing that I would turn down a partner for. Im sure for some people its riveting content but for me its trash and I dont want to be with someone who thinks it isnt.
I do not see “the only non US platform” as a good thing. Considering the country that runs it doesnt allow foreign social media and isnt exactly the bastion of free speech and moral authority. Id rather the devil I know(america) than the one I dont (china).
For the last point I agree that censoring footage of the war benefits isreal and it does sway peoples views. I dont think there is much censorship of the footage its pretty easy to find. From what i’ve seen people post the footage to youtube and then cry censorship when its taken down. But that is clearly against yt TOS and anyone sane would expect that to be taken down. Maybe there are better examples of censorship I havent seen since I dont follow tiktok,facebook,insta,reddit.twitter,mastodon.
20 year olds are not generally getting night terrors from watching disturbing content on tiktok. They’re not losing sleep, or coming away with genuine psychological scarring. We don’t need government regulations to control media content for the sake of literal adults. And children in theory should already have their content moderated by the correct degree by parents, not the government.
It’s just content I find dumb
If you watch anything on YouTube that you don’t think is dumb, there is stuff on TikTok you also wouldn’t find dumb. I don’t use TikTok either, but I think you genuinely underestimate how much content there is, and overestimate how uniform that content is.
Considering the country that runs it (…)
ByteDance already stores U.S user data within the U.S, allows third party firms to scrutinize its data privacy policies far more than any other U.S media group, and has come back with a clean bill from groups like Citizen Lab (a Canadian research lab). No U.S userdata goes to the Chinese government.
Government officials know this, they’re just putting on a show. Leaked phone calls have made this clear, the actual issue is the lack of policing around the kinds of content served. ByteDance is not aligned with U.S foreign policy interests like Meta/Google are. They are more than happy to showcase the horrors of the apartheid, genocidal state of Israel, and that’s having a real impact on the literal more than half of Americans that use TikTok.
It’s clearly against the YouTube T.O.S
Videos against YouTube’s T.O.S of the October 7th attacks have been on the platform since October of last year. They’re much more strict about removing videos showcasing the much larger-in-scale violent acts done by Israel than anything done by Hamas. TikTok isn’t. This isn’t a coincidence, and the U.S needs TikTok to fall in line here.
If they don’t young people will continue to hold extreme views, like bombing tens of thousands of children in an open air prison that has been violating the GCIV since 2007 is somehow problematic. They need the American public to have the understanding that Palestinians are simply human animals; they’re savages that need to be put down. Not unlike native americans.
Towards the end of the culling, when enough of the population has died to no longer pose a threat, they’ll give them small territories like the U.S did with native americans and feign sympathy. Imperialism hasn’t changed.
Understood. Serving emotional content is the social media stunt to grab attention. News is not The intention. And without enough context, it increases polarity in our society. Tiktok is a master of this tactic.
That’s just describing all social media. One of mine would be somebody who hates tiktok because it’s trendy to hate TikTok when it’s not really any different from any other social platform.
I have a low opinion of most other social media platforms but to me tiktok is on another level.
Honestly curious what aspects of the platform (not the content, which is platform agnostic) make it stand out for you
Short content, endless feed, catchy music to grab attention, watching a tiktok counts as liking it algowise which promotes attention grabbing. Owned by ccp. There’s probably more but that’s off the top of my head.
I asked about what aspects of the platform, not the content which is platform agnostic. You literally didn’t give any aspects of platform. You talked about the content, which is platform agnostic, and then you lied about its ownership.
Most of my points are about the platform not the content.
Short content - tiktok had a min video length until recently. Because of this the average video is 30s
Endless feed - tiktok has an endless scrolling feed
Tiktok has an algorithm that serves you videos you are likely to watch. This promotes attention grabbing content. This also is a repeating cycle since you are served attention grabbing content then if that content grabs your attention tiktok serves you more.
It is owned by a Chinese company and Chinese companies are beholden to the ccp.
Celebrity/billionaire worship. Just no. It means their values are wildly erratic.
Insisting on having sex with me.
define… “insist”, because that’s reading like “I don’t like people who rape me”, which seems reasonable and not a small thing.
I don’t understand. Like, they just want that to be a part of the relationship? Or they’re pushy?
Maybe ace or demisexual?
