Cloud was a very funny marketing buzzword that started with a real meaning and then devolved into “connects to the Internet.” Cloud based things didn’t even have to do anything with the Internet for marketing wonks to pretend like being connected to the cloud meant something. Great innovation folks just throw a wifi receiver in it and call it “The Cloud” we did it wow such innovation.
AI is rapidly descending into the same thing. There was a time when “AI” was being used to refer to actual machine learning algorithms that were good enough to fool the layperson into thinking they were smart. Nowadays the word AI just means “can compute something.” Does it accept an input and make a decision on that input? Call it AI! My calculator is an AI! An ebook is AI enabled because it automatically changes the page based on how long I spent on the last page! My fridge has AI because it tells me when I accidentally left it open! Wow we just put extremely basic algorithms into everything and now it’s AI! We did it we revolutionized technology forever!
Anyway now it’s time for the prolific posters of Hexbear to flex your Nostradamus muscles. What’s the next Big Dumb Tech Marketing Buzzword going to be and why? Lay it on us.
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Machine Controlled Democracy Models
SkyBidet - keeping your cloud portal clean and secure using streaming AI
I’ve been seeing a few mentions of GenAI (short for generative), so I peedict that the new term will be Genie. Like a catchall for all of the magical things that tech is supposed to make better or possible.
SkyBidet now features Genie technology to make your every wish a reality! Just Make A Wish into your device, and our sophisticated personalized Genie will use its awesome powers to grant your desire.
Basically the logical conclusion of magical thinking about technology and
I miss when futuristic words had things like “tron” “ator” as suffixes.
Turn up the Robotron Oscillator, the signal frequency is modulating!
this and putting an arbitrary large numbers at the end
introducing the Omnitron 5000™!
I miss that too. Remember when Super Soakers did that? Good times!
I also miss that at least it was fun
We can try 3D printers again since they didn’t become wonder machines the first time around. Only now they do everything like build bridges or make food.
I think this is still in progress
Post-cloud.
We’re going go push SaaS shit that is just OnPrem as a feature.
I believe you could call it edge computing
Goon-Cluster - we keep the hardware under near max load all the time.
MY SERVER IS ABOUT TO CRAAAAASSSHHH
Real.
“enterprise” software is usually just paying more for self hosting
A bit that, but also a lot about CONTROL.
You can get weird and wild and no vendor can stop you.
Oh God this hurts me
Mods/enhancements: is going to start with just the neuralink bullshit but eventually if it has a strap for you to wrap around your bicep they will call it a mod
I think this is a really good prediction
Thank you
something to do with teledildonics; fuckable robot but it’s like a smart fridge with an llm
It’s gonna be “Edge” as people start to suffer cloud and subscription fatigue. When “services” revenue begins to flag, companies will try to get customers back on the hardware treadmill
(This is obviously just my wishful thinking)
I unironically think it’d be neat for there to be home servers designed to be as easy for normal, non-computer-toucher people as the current crop of cloud bullshit is.
I think this is what home NAS systems evolved into already. It’s not a network storage anymore, it’s a server that has a bunch of available apps, both proprietary and free. And many of these little boxes have enough resources to actually run a few typical “home server” services for a family and maybe some friends. They are often even marketed as a “personal cloud” or something like that.
Smision
off-planet backups
negative latency networking
psychedelic nanobotsRAG or self-healing for internal use, I have no clue what the next external buzzwords will be.
The way things are going I’ll say…Rock. It’s a rock. But techbros can
it up:You can have a hitting rock, a throwing rock, a sitting rock! Rocks to start fire, rocks to contain fire! There’s no end to the potential of Rock! So get in on the ground floor, they’re not making any more
Hot rock make boat go.
Oh no, boat hit rock. Save us, Celine Dion!
Cloud Unified Materialization
It’s going to be Blockchain again. Probably with distributed or decentralization attached
When y’all weren’t paying attention, bitcoin reached a new high and it’s over 60k again. Half the recruiters reaching out to me represent some dumb Blockchain startup
haptic scrotum
