It already exists. It’s called “Brandy.” Reading more than watching videos helps.
deleted by creator
Jesus was way cool
Everybody liked Jesus
Everybody wanted to hang out with him
Anything he wanted to do, he did
He turned water into wine
And if he wanted to
He could have turned wheat into marijuana
Or sugar into cocaine
Or vitamin pills into amphetaminesHe walked on the water
And swam on the land
He would tell these stories
And people would listen
He was really coolIf you were blind or lame
You just went to Jesus
And he would put his hands on you
And you would be healed
That’s so coolHe could’ve played guitar better than Hendrix
He could’ve told the future
He could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world
He could’ve scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
He could’ve danced better than Baryshnikov
Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
Jesus was way coolHe told people to eat his body and drink his blood
That’s so cool
Jesus was so cool
But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
So they killed him
But then he rose from the dead
He rose from the dead, danced around
Then went up to heaven
I mean, that’s so cool
Jesus was way coolNo wonder there are so many Christians
deleted by creator
Can the space man make port?
Eventually it would just become brandy.
Brandy? Awesome! The Boy Is Mine (1998) is a certified classic!
Definitely the superior Brandy, by far.
Moeesha… not so much.
I don’t mean to be “that guy”, but… I’m waiting…
Making water into wine was not something all that special, it used to basically be like a concentrate that you would then add to water to consume. Shoutout to the history of Rome podcast. So he could make more and more deluted wine with more water but it wouldn’t become more concentrated.
Which podcast is that? You piqued my interest, but there seem to be a lot of podcasts about the history of Rome.
“The history of Rome podcast” is literally the name.
I may have found it. Cheers!
this sounds sketchy - distillation wasn’t invented until well after the Roman era. how?
https://santoriniwinetour.com/why-did-the-ancient-greeks-drink-watered-down-wine/
I guess not explicitly a concentrate but I was trying to allude the fact it was used in a similar way.
Is this a midas touch kinda thing? The human body is 60% water 🤔
Something over 90%.
There was a British superhero TV show called Misfits. One of the delinquents had the power to control milk, I.e. you drink milk and this guy could curdle it in your body and kill you.
Are we both thinking about 15% BAC murderin’ Jesus here?
That would have been a much better show if they didn’t turn over the entire cast every series or so.
Why did he even bother to make the wine, he could just make everybody the perfect level of drunk without sobering up.
Maybe it was a consent thing?
Being confirmed means giving consent, at least that was the legal defence my pastor had.
I’m sorry to hear that. Yet another reason I don’t do organized religion.
He wasn’t that omnipotent, okay?
Only someone who is omniscient could know that.
Flying Squid is a god, confirmed.
It’s about time I got the recognition I deserve.
I see that, thank you. I do accept PayPal as a tithe.
All I have is Moo Deng coin.
Are you saying water made water into water with a bit of alcohol?
Water + Jesus = Wine
Wine + Jesus = Brandy
Brandy + Jesus = Twice-distilled Brandy? Cooking sherry? Idk
I choose to believe at this point, Jesus got so drunk he forgot to try it a third time.
Is this really the blood of Christ? Man that guy must have been wasted 24/7
He’s 30 years old, still lived with his parents, and spent all day hanging out with his twelve dude bros in a time before XBox existed.
Of course he was fucking hammered all day.
bro do you got any snacks to go with this
All I can offer is some fish and bread.
It’s all you can eat though, so there’s that
You can have one tasteless cracker.
That next beverage is know as “sweet baby Jesus”
I think he ended up being Rasputin and invented vodka
Late one evening a boy and his father were accosted by a mugger. The traumatic moment unlocked some kind of latent power within the boy. Frantically he tried to intervene, skin touched skin, and the assailant’s blood turned to wine, fatal. But not before the cretin dealt a terminal blow to the father. And that night that boy became the hero we all know, Jesus Christ.
“Water to wine” was a metaphor for sneaking it into the party.
It was a way to say that the love/companionship of Christ was all you needed. You had Jesus, so water was as good a drink as wine could ever be. Five loaves of bread and two fish split amongst 5,000 was enough to satisfy their hunger, because all they needed was a morsel with Christ by their side.
You just have to find another bodily fluid with the same color as the target alcohol.
Jesus told me it doesn’t have to be alcohol. He once turned piss into Mtn Dew. I’ve only ever done the opposite.
So if I’m looking for Baileys…
That about as close to Baileys as I can get without getting my eyes wet
Probably, but he had to leave something for bored celibate monks to do. There are worse callings than to devote a lifetime to finding all manner of ways to fortify wines.
If he indeed turned water into wine and made all things, why would he need to recurse as if he can’t get it right the first time?
because he works in mysterious ways of course.
The question isn’t why but if. Also how do we know that He didn’t?
Everyone’s focused on whether Jesus can do it or not while completely forgetting regular people can do that
Just, remove the water, c’mon.
You need a distillery and a fair bit of knowledge what to do for that. Ethanol boils off faster than water, so if you just simmer it down, you get more wine flavor, but less alcohol (still enough to get you drunk, see christmas markets).
Jesus can spike a girl’s drink from across the room.
He gets that from his dad.
