• Jerkface (any/all)
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    9 months ago

    Jesus was way cool
    Everybody liked Jesus
    Everybody wanted to hang out with him
    Anything he wanted to do, he did
    He turned water into wine
    And if he wanted to
    He could have turned wheat into marijuana
    Or sugar into cocaine
    Or vitamin pills into amphetamines

    He walked on the water
    And swam on the land
    He would tell these stories
    And people would listen
    He was really cool

    If you were blind or lame
    You just went to Jesus
    And he would put his hands on you
    And you would be healed
    That’s so cool

    He could’ve played guitar better than Hendrix
    He could’ve told the future
    He could’ve baked the most delicious cake in the world
    He could’ve scored more goals than Wayne Gretzky
    He could’ve danced better than Baryshnikov
    Jesus could have been funnier than any comedian you can think of
    Jesus was way cool

    He told people to eat his body and drink his blood
    That’s so cool
    Jesus was so cool
    But then some people got jealous of how cool he was
    So they killed him
    But then he rose from the dead
    He rose from the dead, danced around
    Then went up to heaven
    I mean, that’s so cool
    Jesus was way cool

    No wonder there are so many Christians

  • @[email protected]
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    9 months ago

    Making water into wine was not something all that special, it used to basically be like a concentrate that you would then add to water to consume. Shoutout to the history of Rome podcast. So he could make more and more deluted wine with more water but it wouldn’t become more concentrated.

  • @[email protected]
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    1089 months ago

    Water + Jesus = Wine

    Wine + Jesus = Brandy

    Brandy + Jesus = Twice-distilled Brandy? Cooking sherry? Idk

    • Billiam
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      509 months ago

      I choose to believe at this point, Jesus got so drunk he forgot to try it a third time.

      • metaStatic
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        429 months ago

        Is this really the blood of Christ? Man that guy must have been wasted 24/7

        • Billiam
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          69 months ago

          He’s 30 years old, still lived with his parents, and spent all day hanging out with his twelve dude bros in a time before XBox existed.

          Of course he was fucking hammered all day.

  • IninewCrow
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    39 months ago

    I think he ended up being Rasputin and invented vodka

  • @[email protected]
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    79 months ago

    Late one evening a boy and his father were accosted by a mugger. The traumatic moment unlocked some kind of latent power within the boy. Frantically he tried to intervene, skin touched skin, and the assailant’s blood turned to wine, fatal. But not before the cretin dealt a terminal blow to the father. And that night that boy became the hero we all know, Jesus Christ.

    • @[email protected]
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      19 months ago

      It was a way to say that the love/companionship of Christ was all you needed. You had Jesus, so water was as good a drink as wine could ever be. Five loaves of bread and two fish split amongst 5,000 was enough to satisfy their hunger, because all they needed was a morsel with Christ by their side.

  • oce 🐆
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    59 months ago

    You just have to find another bodily fluid with the same color as the target alcohol.

  • 🇨🇦 tunetardis
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    69 months ago

    Probably, but he had to leave something for bored celibate monks to do. There are worse callings than to devote a lifetime to finding all manner of ways to fortify wines.

  • @[email protected]
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    99 months ago

    If he indeed turned water into wine and made all things, why would he need to recurse as if he can’t get it right the first time?

    • Flax
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      9 months ago

      The question isn’t why but if. Also how do we know that He didn’t?

  • @[email protected]
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    9 months ago

    Everyone’s focused on whether Jesus can do it or not while completely forgetting regular people can do that

    Just, remove the water, c’mon.

    • Karyoplasma
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      39 months ago

      You need a distillery and a fair bit of knowledge what to do for that. Ethanol boils off faster than water, so if you just simmer it down, you get more wine flavor, but less alcohol (still enough to get you drunk, see christmas markets).