I honestly can’t tell if this website is being ironic
I was tempted by Naval Supremacy but I didn’t like the smell (which totally should have been Bay Rum).
Naval Supremacy; Nasal Inferiority
That’s a very dumb name, but I really like the simple design and earth tone color of the bar itself.
On the other hand I don’t think I’d like to smell like beer.
Bought beer shampoo for my dad once as part of a joke gift. It did not smell like beer, but did not smell good either.
I haven’t bought beer scented soap from duke cannon but I have bought their solid cologne bars when I was looking for more sustainable alternatives to regular cologne. They smell decent and the scent lasts. The over the top masculine branding is cringe af though
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You’ve got me pegged lol, I already make my own.
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Duke Cannon has some cringe to it, but they are surprisingly crunchy when it comes to the ingredients they use in things, including the aluminum-free deodorant that I like.
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Wait but how do you wash your ass the wrong way?
I can see not the best way but as long as there’s soap and water involved wrong seems harsh. So how badly do you have to fuck it up to be wrong?
A man’s music collection should consist of classic rock, country and blues
Does this give anyone else boomer vibes? Also, I suspect this is trying to invoke the Progressive Rock of the 1970s (Kansas, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, The Eagles, Supertramp, etc.) and not Buddy Holly, Frank Sinatra, Dean Martin or, you know, Elvis, The Beatles and the Rolling Stones
But then my man card expired in the early 1990s.
How? o_O
Got to renew it every six years
Starting from puberty
I think the “[all pronouns]” in their user name should give you a hint.
I only wipe my butt with sandpaper.
I let it crust over and sand it all off once a month.
Sissy people use that wimpy bidet but I use a pressure washer.
Man card bottle opener
lol he has to use a special tool to open his bottles. Table edge is right there tough guy… or literally any hard object you can get about an inch of leverage with (so not your dick ayo), Belt buckle is possible, doesn’t even have to be a special one. Keys, a dollar bill, lighter, principle doesn’t change too much between them. Hell even your wedding ring… oh… awkward.
Their dick is probably too small to be useful anyways, regardless of supposed “hardness”.
Body shaming isn’t necessary. We can shame people for things that are within their ability to control.
Is that what we’re calling it now? Insulting someone’s “manhood” is now “body shaming”?
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You are literally shaming the bodies of people who have small penises, something that they cannot control which is not any indication of their character.
Dollar bill?
https://www.wikihow.com/Open-a-Beer-Bottle-with-a-Dollar-Bill
also works for any random piece of paper but dollar feels like more of a flex, like lighting a cigar with a burning hundo (except you’re not out a hundo after)
If you’re really willing to take a risk, you can do it with your teeth. I wouldn’t recommend doing this, but I would recommend telling these people it’s “manly” to do so.
Real men use a bidet anyway.
And not because it’s objectively better than wipes. ;)
REAL MEN LICK THEY OWN ASS CLEAN
Society if men could lick their own assholes:
Nothing productive would be done all day.
True…
Well, some people say men are basically just dogs and I guess if some of us can lick our own assholes, that’s further proof.
THE official MAN CARD 😆
For the man who never fixes anything. It is criminal to not put some more tools on that card.
And it’s a bottle opener
Because nothing screams manly like alcoholism
If you need a bottle opener to open a bottle you aren’t alcoholic
So uh… the pair of channel locks I keep on my coffee table… Am I poor or an alcoholic?
For starters, you don’t own a very fancy coffee table.
Doesn’t matter if you’re sober, or even a man. It’s wise to have a coffee table suitable for storing your channel locks. If you have a spouse it’s more wise to listen them.
Sorry I should have clarified. I refer to the trunk thats in front of my couch that has shit on and in it as a coffee table
And your couch?
A wild Vance appears
REAL MAN OPEN THEIR BOTTLE WITH THEIR TEETH
I usually just stick it in my ass and use my expertly trained clenched sphincter to open the bottle, like a real man.
TIL I’m actually manly
Being a man is when you conform your freedom of choice to one of a few acceptable choices.
Expressing yourself, showing who you really, standing up to peer pressure is for pussies, you wouldn’t want to risk people accidentally mistaking you with them sexually liberated folks by admitting you like electro-swing over country.
Let’s not forget that they probably don’t listen to much non-commercialized country and when they do the highly left-wing, union supporting, feelings having message probably goes right over their heads. I mean it has to, they’d necessarily throw a fit if they knew what they were listening to.
real men don’t clean themselves at all so that their musk is always noticed by everyone in the room they’re in
Real men are like a bison bull, hairy smelly and they roll around in dirt.
The sad thing is that only bison cows are into that.
rolling around in dirt would be an improvement, dirt is honestly fairly hygenic especially compared to enclosed sweaty skin where bacteria has a great time
Can’t wait for the new manscaping craze: Wallowing.
Man facts:
I listen to eurobeat and hard style
No one would blink an eye at a country rock cover of, “Gas gas gas”. Hell they’d prob think the original was the knockoff.
Its quite the norm in parts of Europe.
Had it been hard-core (from hell) i may have judged you but, even then, only as an xtc fiend.
For anyone curious, try dj mad dog : reset
Fair warning, it might be jarring on any mellow you might have going on. Eventually, when you’ve been raving long enough, you might find that, from time to time, you’ll need sounds from the bowels of hell at 200 bpm just to feel something.
Speedcore my beloved.
Need me some good ol high bpm music from time to time
These dudes are so uptight about masculinity. They could really use a prostate massage.
The Bacon Bouquet
I saw MAN CARD in the thumbnail and legitimately thought it said MAN CHILD and didn’t even question it.
Which would be so much funnier. Wanna fuck with me? A certified MAN CHILD?
They do the same exact thing in the pink aisle in the supermarket.
By making everything more so called feminine, and now more so called masculine, companies realized they can charge a premium and people will fall for the packaging gimmick.
That’s all I think it is.
I do like the man card bottle opener though. Would be a fun thing to bring to parties and holiday gatherings.
A bottle opener in your wallet sounds pretty dope, ngl. Then again, not having a multi-tool on your belt is a huge L for anyone that claims to be rugged and handy.
i find the Leatherman Skeletool has the best bottle opener, because you don’t look like a jackass using it. you can open a bottle with a Skeletool without going “LOOK EVERYBODY, I’M USING MY MULTITOOL”
Yea you’re totally not manly enough if you don’t have a multitool and a big brass belt buckle
Is there anything more manly than washing clothes?
Washing the dishes with your manly muscles 😭🧽🫧
