Looks like my account was banned/restricted for the above interaction, have already sent the mods on world an email asking if they’d be willing to reverse that. Had an episode of psychosis a few months ago where I did say some offensive stuff, (understandably) got a 3 month ban on .lol for that, so could see my account having been flagged.
I uh, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect people to check others profiles to ensure we are correctly pronouning them… when making a throw away comment that is less than 10 words involving a ludicrously common saying. Jerboa does not show users pronouns. I could switch to an app that DOES show the pronouns, do any Lemmings have a recommendation for a free Lemmy mobile app that has that feature?
Edit: Edie chimed in, Jerboa does show pronouns. It’s a formatting issue with mobile vs browser (She has them on individual text lines so they don’t appear on mobile).
Was just going to respond to the user in question to let them know I wasn’t purposefully trying to offend that individual, to discover I’m not able to post or make comments on world now, so figured I’d see what y’alls opinion on the matter is.
Pronoun police will get ya.
I’ve had people flip out at me on Lemmy for ‘misgendering’ it’s so ridiculous.
Like we don’t know if it’s a man or woman. It’s the internet, yknow?
If you don’t know then why are you using gendered pronouns for them?
I actually wasn’t but that’s a different story
And when you speak up about how useless all of this is your comment might get removed :O
I recommend sticking to gender nonspecific instead of defaulting to masculine.
God I hate it when people call animals “they”. Like “the dog doesn’t like their squeaky toy” - it’s a dog! Call it “it”! “The dog doesn’t like its squeaky toy”
It don’t like your comment…
“The dog likes his squeaky toy.”
Like everyone is fighting over gender in human race, I would like that you finally understand that dogs/cats/cows even the squirrel in your garden… Those are sentient living beings… Stop treating them like just a fucking object !
But even in English - if you are completely gender neutral - “the human does not like its work in the office” is the same.
That is simply incorrect English, words have more referents than gender. Traditionally “it” is reserved for non-human things of all types, but definitely does not ever apply to a human, and calling someone an “it” without it first being requested by them is near-universally recognized as a dehumanizing insult.
Hummm… Maybe I don’t get all the grammatical rules in English, but it’s really disheartening to treat living beings as objects.
As I remember
Itis an article for objects and I would never consider my dog as an non-living object. He’s way more “human” than most people that I have encountered in my life.
To be fair, some languages outside of English reserve “it” (or the equivalent 3rd person neuter pronoun) for “non-living” things. For people whose native language is one of those languages, calling an animal “it” may seem a bit too harsh even while speaking English.
If they say “the goose doesn’t like his ball” that is misgandering.
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Going to dig through your comment history later, im curious to see what has been said o.o reminds me of the greentext of the black guy telling a story at a party of all white people, and he says the N word and a white girl asks him to not say that as it makes her uncomfortable and the black dude mentally is like “??? Are you fr?..”
Telling people not to do something when it makes you uncomfortable, for sure, that’s adulting 101. Hoooowever… Feel that shows how much social interaction that gal has actually had with African Americans outside of a professional setting… not much :|
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If any human gets upset about cultural appropriation, they’re not smart enough to continue engaging with. That whole karenesque idea should’ve died when it was about braids in white peoples hair.
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If you don’t mind answering, what sort of surgery did you get for a NB transition?
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Drag agrees, Lemmy is very cruel to trans people. Drag gets so many people yelling at drag for using drag’s first person neopronouns. So many people insisting drag’s pronouns are third person and making it into an argument.
Drag threw me for a loop the first time drag replied to me. I assumed it was a bit at first because this is the Internet and all, but I looked at drag’s history to see what the story was, since it’s not like anyone gives an introduction before commenting.
Other than the pronouns, Drag’s posts are like anyone else’s. Nothing was trollish, and Drag has explained drag’s pronouns a few times. It’s interesting to see drag’s idea is to create something simpler, but as it is not very English in structure, it sounds very strange at first. I think I’ve gotten the idea now, though I have had to make a few corrections as I type this.
First, I think people should be able to be whoever they want to be, especially online, if they aren’t doing things to be jerks. Drag has not done anyone wrong that I’ve seen. So if Drag asks me to call drag by something, why wouldn’t I? Drag has engaged with me in a friendly way, so I owe drag the same.
Second, I enjoy it as a creative exercise. It keeps my mind engaged while writing what would otherwise be a bland reply. It’s kind of fun to see language experience some flexibility and evolution, and if it honestly makes Drag feel better about drag’s self, I can accommodate that. If you can’t abide that, just move on and let Drag live drag’s life.
Even though most of us are liberal here, it doesn’t mean we’re free of bias or not stuck in our own ways. Even if we don’t get something, it doesn’t hurt us to cooperate with someone that it does make sense to. That’s just my feelings though.
Based and I-also-have-over-a-thousand-US-dollars-of-bad-dragon-pilled.
I supposed I left myself open for something like this! 🤣
Oh I meant you’re based for being chill, and I myself have an unreasonable amount of dragon dildos hahahaha
Ahh, well from what I hear, they make a top quality product, so I’m glad you’re giving yourself the best!
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This is an absolutely garbage take. “Anonymous” defaults to male in everyone’s mind because patriarchy is the basis of our society. Claiming everyone should just be “Anonymous” is a male supremacist and exclusionary of everything else position to take.
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Whoa there those are big words for an UFO sighting are you a conspiracy theorist or something? Lmao
Learn how to punctuate your fucking sentences.
I think you replied to the wrong account, this is a completely incoherent response
whatever dumbass point you’re trying to get across isn’t landing because you write in borderline incoherent run-on sentences
the fediverse isn’t explicitly about privacy btw, it’s about taking control from corporations who want to exploit us, and giving it to the community itself via decentralization. there’s absolutely no expectation to be a tinfoil hat weirdo on here, and if you want to cultivate a community that isn’t just a bunch of paranoid weirdos with nothing to talk about except opsec, then yes sharing (in this case the bare fucking minimum) about your identity is actually beneficial to, y’know, discussing things
If you think I would read this shit after that first sentence you’re a fucking idiot
You did the right thing. It’s a lot of bullshit about “oh, you list your pronouns? You must be fine with corporations selling your data” and then at the end there seems to be a bit of “hexbear showed up late to the fediverse party and is ruining everything”, which is, of course, pretty much directly opposite of the truth.
Hexbear existed 2 years before everything else? Fucking wild. This loser’s account is literally 3 years younger than my hexbear account and 2.5 years younger than my Lemmy.ml one and he thinks we’re the late ones?
The only “ruining” I’m doing here is ruining his bullshit fuckoff attempt to associate lgbt and gender with being a corporate thing, it’s fucking nonsensical. Dude deserves to lose teeth.
As I’ve said else where in the thread, Hexbear has some high quality contributors, I’m glad y’all decided to federate.
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Look bud, if you’re gonna try and do transphobia to show us how trash you are, at least make it coherent.
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Your parents failed in raising you
X’D
Dude I can smell the greasy hair through my screen
Eat my ass
Gender is an incredibly validating concept specifically for some trans people, to write it off is unhelpful.
I mean in my “very long” years of experience never seen in an anonymous ungoverned platform someone intentionally revealing any peace of personal information about themselves like in hacking platforms for example someone calling themselves “he who hacks” or “her majesty” or such where those are only simple usernames but yet reveal enough to minimize the search area and along with the comments data could trigger enough data to start and osint attack on the user and then eventually dox them…
if you’re obligating everyone to acknowledge your personal data don’t be nagging when companies be selling your data and making profit out of it since there are people who like Force feeding their informations onto others to be aware of, hell I won’t even blame Lemmy instance owner to sell the users data by then.
I’ll be talking about myself and the majority of users that immigrated to this social platform based on the idea that it’s ungoverned, legally safe for all users and anonymous so when a user Calles someone bro or pal it’s if not always meant as gender neutral same as in a random people calling you bro with the meaning of that he/she descending from your mom or dad, like yourself, the logic is the same and intentions were pure, plus with the culture of respecting everyone’s right of privacy you’d learn to treat everyone as equal and the same, with the only difference is the mentality and ideas held by individuals not by gender as the only special treat to define a user.
Bad faith argument.
Listing your pronouns isn’t force feeding anything to anyone. Observing someone’s listed pronouns takes less effort than having this discussion.
Using they/them and gender neutral language is helpful as a general rule, but if someone is absolutely fucking waving a flag of their gender, its wilfully ignorant at best and intentionally malicious at worst to disregard it.
Or just quoting a P.T. Barnum as most people don’t like changing quotes for whatever reason and using what is known to be a famous saying is definitely not “intentionally malicious” it’s mostly the ignorant’s fault for not getting the innocent joke, plus not all Lemmy mobile apps show stuff like flags and pronounces so maybe consider that as well on your side before dropping the death sentence…
Your argument was that everything should be gender neutralised. That has nothing to do with OP’s very innocent usage of a quote.
When did I drop a death sentence? Deary me, I advocate for using someone’s pronouns instead of applying they/them to everybody and you consider that a death sentence?
Not “should be” but sometimes everyday users would just quote and go without the extra effort of checking into everyone’s profile before the already wasted effort of doing the comment then changing the quotes based to fit for everyone’s gender perfectly so the easier solution is just considering everyone a catfish and just move on it’s just a quote of a meme anyway for all that effort to waste
I think you shouldn’t assume everyone on the internet to be a man. It is misogynistic. I don’t think there would be anything wrong with e.g. referring gender neutrally to someone who turns out to be a woman because you didn’t check her profile which says she’s a woman, but it is annoying to see people assume everyone on the internet to be male. I’ve especially experienced this in more techy communities which definitely seems like sexist stereotyping to me.
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This is deeply shitty. If you’re right that >80% of people on Lemmy are men (I’m not sure I buy that), then it’s even worse to assume everyone is a man. What you’re doing is chasing off the already extremely outnumbered non-men. If you want this place to be welcoming to people who aren’t men, then you need to change your behavior.
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does more to chase people away than what I said
If it means you leave and take your horrible take with you, I’m all for it.
Now I see why a lot of people block hexbear.
Right right, which is why a good majority of instances have entirely defederated from hexbear.
Is it me who’s in the terrible instance that most people hate? No, no, it must be that they are all the hated people!
Weird, all those instances are perfectly content to allow fascists on their instances. I wonder if these two things are related? No, no, better just keep posting like a redditor and never bother with introspection.
Yeah no, hexbear is simply an awful place to go which gets closer and closer to a echo chamber every day. But do keep on telling people to have some introspection without any yourself.
which is why a good majority of instances have entirely defederated from hexbear.
Being a selfish liberal with bad takes that can’t handle pushback from the left is common, yes.
Is it me who’s in the terrible instance
Lots of terrible things are very popular. Are you going to tell me that McDonald’s is the pinnacle of fine dining, too?
Yeah, it could only be selfish liberals right? Get over yourself.
Ok, then try your comment again. What is it that you’re saying here?
It’s sexist because you assume male to be the default, just like the assumption that white is the default skin color is racist. The behavior outlined by the user above you follows from this thinking. Driving non-men away is a result of this behavior, which is the result of the sexist attitude that it’s okay to assume everyone online (or on Lemmy) is a man.
The only people driven away by eir comment are misogynists.
If that comment would chase you away, then I think it would be good for you to be chased away
i would block all those people and move forward with my life
I’m probably a bit further to the right than most on the fediverse with this opinion but…
I think, once you have been informed of someone’s pronouns, it’s flat out rude to not use them. I don’t know if it’s a banning issue but that’s for the moderators on your instance to decide or the instance the community is on. Even if you don’t agree with someone’s lifestyle, it’s just polite to address people the way they’d like to be addressed.
But surely there’s a difference between intentional misuse and accidental. I think banning someone for not looking up someone’s pronouns before a public interaction seems like pushing things a bit far here. I certainly am not checking such things. But, then in general when online I will use gender neutral wording because frankly, for online interactions someone’s rarely information that matters for the interaction. I don’t really need to know.
My view is, I think it is almost always clear when someone is being malicious and thus transphobic and when someone makes an honest mistake/did not know better. We, as a whole, really should be differentiating between obviously malicious and non-malicious cases.
Yaa that is similar to my viewpoint, though I am also a cis, white, blonde, blue eyed, tall, male, so my experiences/opinions are coming through the privilege lenses absolutely :| Having to deal with conversations like this all the time with “normies”, can imagine people who are deep into such social circles get tired of dealing with the acting-in-bad faith bullshitters.
Just stop giving a fuck, there’s a metric shitton of crazies doing janny work, it’s unpaid and very unsatisfying. If they ban you, it’s either their instance’s loss or nobody’s. The account costs nothing because it’s worth next to nothing. I don’t even need the links that I myself post and the others’ I can see even if they ban my account. This is a shitpile, it being in the fediverse doesn’t make it less of a shitpile.
I’m not even interested in the username of the person I’m responding to. I tend to ignore it completely unless there’s a comment like “lol, username checks out”.
There are very few times I will bother to check someones profile. They have to either say something so awesome that I want to see more, or have given a take so hot I want to see if they’re trolling or if this is standard behaviour for them.
While it looks like the whole Jerboa/“miscommunication” thing has been sorted out here I want to chime in to say that no, I don’t think that checking profiles for anything is a reasonable expectation.
yes, it takes 2 seconds and minimal effort.
Doesn’t really matter here. The saying is “the man, the myth, the legend”. If you go changing every part of it you might as well have not said anything at all because it won’t make any sense.
Exactly this.
The Ma’am the myth the legend is right there though :D
Agree. Some expressions become so iconic they get genderless. Just like sometimes it’s accept to use “man” and “dude” as a genderless exclamation
I once got a temporary ban on another platform for arguing/suggesting that dude has become genderless.
I know multiple woman that use “dude” that way, but some people are somewhat understandably sensitive on the topic of gender.
it depends a lot on context tbh, usually its fine but you can kinda tell when someone is calling you a dude to be an ass
Regardless of your opinion on whether dude has become genderless or not (I also use dude for my friends of any gender), the word is a gendered term that has become ubiquitous. If someone doesn’t want me to use “dude” referring to them, I won’t. It’s not good to assume, so until I know that someone doesn’t mind, I’m not going to use gendered terms contrary to their gender. I wouldn’t call a man “sis” or “girl” the same way I would women I’m friends with, unless I know that doesn’t make them uncomfortable. I wouldn’t call a woman “bro” or “guy” the same way I would men I’m friends with unless I checked. All of those terms are gender nonspecific for me, but they might make someone who doesn’t have my lived experience uncomfortable.
I never check usernames or comments. It is about the conversation at hand.
I assume sone people are sensitive of pronouns if they have transitioned or altered their pronouns, but simple catch phrases should not get you banned–if it was clearly not harrassment.
I try to be cautious of gendering and use they/them when possible, but also i feel individual people need to realize the world does not revolve around just them as an egocentric bubble, and sometime shit happens and you have to deal with your feelings about it, and either A) ask for what you need, or B) move on. Having mods protect your feelings for a perceived slight does not prepare you for the outside world of actual interaction with humans.
Again, anyone please don’t take this as condoning purposeful harassment, bullying of those not in the boomer view of gender. I grew up as a cismale that did not follow the normal idea of what a boy or man is. I was the artsy, poetry type that had mostly female friends. This caused toxic males to label me gay. Cuz gay to hang out with women, LOL.
On a funny note my as a bearded man standing at the pharmacy counter, my pharmaciat called me “Sir Or Madame” as one phrase. They clearly had just taken a course on inclusivity, or have something in them that made them respond per the exact script corporate presented. There wasn’t even a need to address me with an honorific, they could have just said Next, or I can help you now.
Girl, you’re good. It’s all a simulation.
Always has been
Usually when I make a mistake while trying to act in good faith, I apologize. Posting about the interaction without apology and flashing names of non-mods involved is not the way to correct your mistake, nor to garner sympathy.
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I did apologize to the mod I emailed. Not looking for sympathy, frankly I was more interested from a technical perspective as to why her pronouns aren’t showing on Jerboa, but they were on the browser.
Browsers will collapse white space, line breaks are converted to spaces.
Jerboa does not collapse white space, and instead rendered the display name with the line breaks. But, one possible reason is that, the area for usernames/display names can only display 1 line, so all of the pronouns got cut off.
That wasn’t your question though. If a technical jerboa question is what you intended to ask, about 90% of your post didn’t need to be included and the question in the title needed to be very different.
As to your edit, I would not recommend PM’ing the user directly; that may be very unwelcome and further breach rules of that community. Personally, I would have asked the mods for a chance to edit my comment and apologize publicly. But with previous history of your self-described “psychosis”, if I were the mod I would be skeptical of your motivations.
Ya the admin of Blajah made a solid point that I should have anonymized the post, I rarely post/comment, so not super familiar with the etiquette. Definitely will keep that in mind in the future. & hey my person, there are a lot of severe mental disorders other than gender dysphoria that exist out there :|
I uh, I don’t think it’s reasonable to expect people to check others profiles to ensure we are correctly pronouning them
And yet, in that little whine right there, you managed to use the very gender neutral pronoun that would have saved you all this hassle (including the hassle you’re making up of having to go and look up the pronouns of every individual you interact with).
So you know it exists, and you know how to use it, but you decided to try and be funny instead, and it backfired.
You misgendered someone, and now have to deal with the most minor of minorest consequences for harm you caused to another.
You are still free to create 100 different accounts on 100 different instances, just not the one where you broke the rules. No one owes you a platform, deal with it.
Your choice now is to double down and make it worse, or you can be an adult, admit you made a mistake, and learn from it for the future so you don’t repeat it.
I dare to say you have already chosen, but feel free to prove me wrong.
You are still free to create 100 different accounts on 100 different instances, just not the one where you broke the rules.
Technically OP is free to create another account on that same instance.
