I have occasional bathroom issues caused by food sensitivities (damn your delicious yet toxic nature, nacho cheese).
These bathroom issues involves pooping a bunch of times in one day. The frequent pooping and wiping severely irritate my poor butthole, aggravating hemorrhoids and anal fissures.
I know lots of people around here swear by the miracle of bidets, but before I start shopping around, I’m wondering if there are any naysayers out there who just don’t like bidets, along with why that’s the case.
Bonus question: how do I use a bidet? Most of the instructions I’ve found are a bit delicate about the details. Anyone want to give me a detailed description of how and what to do?
My swollen, bloody anus thanks you.
I have 2 bidets one electric and the other fancy and electric, I kinda like the mechanical one more. Better pressure
I have the type that is basically a little shower head with a hose attached to the water supply next to the toilet. We use it to wash with soap after every toilet visit and it is fantastic. When I am away from it on holidays or trips I suffer.
I’ve got me some IBS, and have had a raw asshole on several occasions from the multi-poops.
Got a cold water model off Amazon for under $100, and love it. Not too much of a pain to install, and once it’s set it works great.
How I Use It
I lean forward so the cheeks open up like a delicate flower, then I turn the knob until I get a nice steady firehose blasting my asshole. I then shift my weight so the water runs along my crack, power washing each side in turn, then return to center for a final rinse of the dirty mud hole. If my butt’s a tingling from my unholy addiction to hot peppers, I might linger a bit to let the cool water soothe the pain, before finally turning off the water.
After a few seconds of dripping, it’s time for the paper. Grab a sheet or two and give a wipe, see if there’s any residue left. If so, keep wiping till it’s gone as usual, but using like 1/3 the paper you’d normally use for the same job. Now there’s no more raw asshole unless I get the shits at work and have to wipe with the literal tree bark they call toilet paper.
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Bidet poetry.
I try to wipe after bidet, and the paper disintegrates and sticks to my ass in a million pieces. What am I doing wrong?
Get better toilet paper and/or use more sheets.
Might be your toilet paper. My wife and I have settled on the ruffled paper as the ideal balance between softness and durability.
We have a bidet attachment and my partner loves it, but i don’t like it at all.
I can only think of 2 downsides to our bidet:
- Ours attaches to a regular toilet, and it does make it harder to clean particularly around the jet mechanism. Someone needs to invent a bidet for cleaning bidets.
- Going anyplace without one now makes me hate life.
When my tushy eventually broke I replaced it with a kohler brand one, it’s a replacement seat cover with the bidet built in instead of sitting under your existing seat and is dramatically easier to clean, and feels a lot more solid to sit on
Aha! As a current Tushy owner, this is good info!
Google Italian bidet
so confusing reading bidet and is a totally different thing from what i have in the bathroom
Downside #3: my asshole is now too soft and coddled, so it gets irritated and raw super easy when I do have to use TP for an extended period
Yep! And boy does it take a bit for the hemorrhoids to calm back down. Pretty much need to go on any trips with the hemorrhoid wipes.
You use the bidet instead and not after? 😲
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I spray mine with scrubbing bubbles once a day and walk away. If you do this daily, it will stay clean.
I’ve had one since about 2018 and I swear by it. Same kinda issue as you, sensitive stomach that results in 2+ BMs a day. I have the cheap kind because I have no access to the hot water or an outlet at the toilet. The cold water takes a little bit to get used to but once you’re used to it, it can be refreshing, even when it’s -40C out.
Like others I set the strength where I want and then blast the sides of the arse followed by some sustained starfish soaking. Let drip dry for a few min then use a few squares to dry and check for skids. The cleanliness afterwards is SO much higher than just TP. Plus on hot days sometimes a shot of cold water to the bum is refreshing and helps cool you down. Definitely helps with swamp ass.
how do I use a bidet?
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After pooping, you continue to sit on the toilet.
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You turn the knob on the bidet handle.
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The stream sprays the shit flecks off your asshole, they go down into toilet.
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Then you use a tiny portion of the TP you are accustomed to use to dry the whole situation.
Alternatively, if your bidet has the strength and you’re manly enough not to be confused by getting ass fucked every day, loosen up a bit and let the mighty Poseidon fuck your ass, then push the water [and the extra poop] out once you feel the water mounting up. Repeat a few times, then tighten back up for the wiping shot.
Warning: this can make your anal muscles lazy, and it’s admittedly taboo to get ass fucked by your bidet, but I’ll swear by it until the day someone tells me it causes cancer, and then I’ll keep swearing by it until I get cancer.
So…you ass gargle? I am greatly amused, mildly curious and slightly horrified all at once.
The horror fades away and the glory of a clean and sophisticated ass overcomes all.
All except weak rectal muscles apparently lol
this can make your anal muscles lazy
Do you have a source on this one?
I mean…I started out getting buttfucked by my bidet and now I’m leaning hard into being bisexual.
Forget the gay agenda, beware the bisexual bidet
This is interesting. I started out getting butt fucked by men, and now I’m very bidet-curious (because it might make it easier and more convenient to get butt fucked by men).
As someone who doesn’t get butt fucked by men, I think it WOULD be convenient; it’s a great and quick douching solution. I do think bidet water pressure and even positioning/toilet shape play a big role here, though, so do keep that in mind. I’ve installed a bunch of them in other bathrooms for friends and family and haven’t gotten as ass fucked by those as by the one in my own bathroom.
… sometimes I forget that comments on lemmy aren’t like reddit. I’m not just saying things into a void here, and people might actually see it. Lol. Now I’m embarrassed, but also very appreciative of the information!
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Just be careful about the pressure. If I don’t set mine to use both sprayers, it’s going to jet water into your ass hole.
Let me put it this way.
If you don’t like your bidet, you don’t trigger it. If you like it, you enjoy it.
My wife and I enjoy it quite a bit. To the point that when I used the other bathroom, there’s been at least one case, where I’ve cleaned up in there, went into the other bathroom and got a better clean.
As for “how to use it” It will depend on the bidet on how to use it, but for ours you turn the knob, spray your special areas (There’s two directions to turn, as a guy I don’t notice a major difference, but I imagine a woman might, as one spray feels a bit “longer”, but not to the point where I think it’ll hit everything down there" You get jet water on your bum, I tend to move around a little to make sure it’s getting the whole area, then turn it off. Then wipe (I use toilet paper).
You wipe more to “Dry” than to “Clean” which is a lovely feeling.
There’s two must buys in the bathroom, the squatty potty and the bidet. I would say the Squatty potty is more important (I miss it more) but the bidet is getting up there.
I bought a cheap one a while back, and I didn’t like it. It was not a heated model, and I did not enjoy cold water spraying on my butt, especially in the winter.
At the time, I also had some painful anal issues that I was dealing with. The water pressure on mine felt quite strong and was painful for me.
I ended up switching to wipes, and they have worked wonderfully for me.
This has been my experience. Found the bidet painful and stopped using it.
This might sound gross, but in our culture, we use a bottle of water and our hands to rinse and wipe. can’t get any cleaner than that. and yes, we ofc wash our hands thoroughly afterwards.
I know you’re not wrong, I just don’t think I could ever get my hand involved in that. I’ve seen portable ones, that are what you describe. I’ve also seen what look like the sprayers we have on our kitchen sinks, all the way to the crazy Toto ones that are part of the actual toilet itself.
It’s really not any different than washing off mud from your skin.
Also, before we got old enough to do it ourselves, our moms used to rinse our butts after we had finished pooping.
I know. I logically do. I get it. BUT there is a huge mental block for me on that one.
FWIW I wasn’t trying to be rude, or an asshole.
All good, mate! 😂
I have long nails so I have no idea how that would work for me. And what do you do in a public toilet? I’m imagining a lot of poopy hands touching doors! Nothing wrong with the way you do it if it works for you though.
It’s not gross at all, just unfamiliar to many of us.
Could I ask, would a bidet be comfortable for you to use or would you prefer a pot or bottle of water in any case?
I do have a bidet, kind of… it’s one of those attachments you assemble onto the toilet seat. And I surely do prefer it bc of the convenience.
When I’m on vacation thou, I get myself a bottle.
In public toilets, I wetten some toilet paper beforehand and use that after I’m finished dry-wiping.
In Indian/southeast Asian cultures people have rules for that - you only use your left hand to wash your butt and only use your right hand for food.
Same here, but …
I’m a lefty… so there’s that 😅
I don’t mind bidets, though I’ve never installed one, since I can’t imagine they’d be fun to clean.
Here’s the thing, though…I have a system I consider superior to a bidet in pretty much every way. See, I noticed a long time ago that I poop somewhere between 0.9 and 1.1 times per day on average, and I aim to shower at least once per day. I don’t know about you, but I noticed a certain opportunity for synergy there. I call it the PoopShower system (patent pending), and after many years of using it, I don’t feel adequately clean even after using a bidet. So my personal ranking is: PoopShower, (looooong gap), bidet, TP, newspaper, leaves.
I feel like this is more common than people are willing to admit. Thank you for being brave enough to admit what many of us never have before. This is 100% the best method, especially if you have the “hose/faucet” setting on your shower head.
You waffle stomp?!
Still the funniest word picture the internet has created.
Not op, but I believe their system involves pooping in the toilet followed by normal wiping and then a full shower. Most of the bulk should end up in the toilet, rendering any stomping unnecessary.
👆👆👆
I like to shower after I poop, but the timing doesn’t always line up appropriately, especially if you happen to be a bit ill like OP.
And even when the stars align, I still want to use toilet paper first to get the worst of it off.
Definitely TP before shower.
And I dunno. occasionally the timing doesn’t line up, but the vast majority of the time…I can just wait.
Get a washlet brand bidet if you can. Have had mine several years now and it still works great. I miss it when I’m not at home
I only use my bidet if I had a very soft movement. I find if I use it after a harder one, it causes irritation (I use a wet wipe instead).
You sit down. You turn on the spray of water. You shift around a little bit to wash around your anus. You turn the water off. You dry yourself (this also serves as an “insurance wipe” to find any shit that wasn’t washed off). That’s it.
A bidet will not cause pain if used appropriately. Toilet paper wiping is much more rough, especially when it takes 5 or 6 passes.
5 or 6? Those are rookie numbers.
Don’t stop til you see the flag of Japan.
They call him The Sharpie
