It’s either drugs or not having a shitty childhood, unfortunately I’m the wrong person to ask
Can confirm, had a shitty childhood but drugs work really good.
I remind myself “it’s just life” and that “no one makes it out of life alive”
A tiny bit of nihilism goes a long way
By finding not happiness, but contentment. As you get older, you learn that to be happy, you have to be content.
knowlege avails many things, but not happiness…
I just bought a skateboard and I’m going to head to the skate park, alone. So I would say one tip (of many) is don’t limit yourself to social stigmas and have fun!
Good friends, core friends. Good memories. Doing good things, helping. Toss in a cup of stability and a couple hobbies. If you’re practicing or just recently discovered practicing adhd, another dozen hobbies and a therapist/counselor.
What is the difference between good friends and core friends?
No real difference, all groups are different in their own way. The core group, the group around that core. Some say best friends.
XIV (14): Temperance: experienced vast extremes and, as such, has grown to appreciate moderation. He also knows that the good things in life must be waited for and that patience is a key part of a harmonious life. https://www.mysticsense.com/articles/tarot/fools-journey/
The fools journey is the story of the tarot deck and experiences we have in life. It’s meant to be a guide through life’s struggles, it sounds like you could use this at this point in your life.
Happiness is not found. It’s not an object, rather a state of perception. The more you’ll objectify and discretize happiness, the less likely you’re to achieve it.
That being said, usually drugs.
On a serious note, two books helped me to understand this mystery a bit more
- Zen Mind, beginner’s mind by S. Suzuki
- Flow: the psychology of optimal experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi.
I think your comment is the key. Many others tell what to do, but yours addresses the core in that you won’t be happy unless you decide or allow yourself to be happy (perception).
I used to mock those people who would say things like “smile in the mirror and tell yourself that it’s going to be a great day”. Later in life, I figured out that that’s what they needed to do, so good for them. For me, it’s something else. I need to be around nature to ground my feelings. Other times, it’s physical cardiac exertion, like a bike ride.
Medication can help if there’s a real medical problem, like depression. Self medicating can be dangerous.
Saved the recommendations, thanks !
Ah, another non mainstream source of inspirational knowledge is the Blindboy Boatclub podcast. Over years he produced a lot of episodes on the subjects of mental health and experiences delivered in a very democratic, relatable way. Mixed with crazy hot takes, like how Ney York disco was the original punk for/by LGBT community, seasoned with a thickest Limerick accent and storytelling. Delicious.
Realize you aren’t going to be happy all the time. We live a life that sometimes sucks. Our grandparents, our parents, our siblings, and our friends die. Choose to remember the happy times you had with them. Go do things you like to do, remember those times when shit is bad and know that you can make more happy memories later too.
Find happiness in love, from people, from pets, maybe even your children if you choose to have some. Make others happy too if you want because happiness is better when shared with others.
For me, it’s my dogs! I love walking and playing with them. I love seeing them happy. They didn’t choose to be my pets, but it really makes me feel good to know they are happy and they love me in their own way.
For me it’s about pursuing hobbies and having new experiences. I really enjoy developing new skills and seeing myself improve, and doing things I haven’t done before.
You don’t find happiness. It comes and goes. Imagine being happy all the time; it would just become normal. You need non happy times to appreciate the happy times.
As someone that is either very happy or very sad, I find happiness in my hobbies. I need my mind to be occupied to pass the time, but then there is the thought I’m just waiting to die and passing time.
Hobbies that make me happy are:
- Indoor bouldering (rock climbing) is the only thing I’ve found that lets me escape the constant train of thought and be in the moment. It’s a nerdy hobby as lots of problem solving mixed with strength training.
- Running
- Rubiks cube
- Lego
- Cross stitch
- Paint by numbers
- 3D printing
- learning
- many more but this is getting long.
As someone who is down a lot of the time and has ADHD but stopped the meds as the side affects were worse than living with ADHD; I’ve found that routine is a massive thing required to be content with life. Consistent bed time and wake time. I am not a morning person but after 18 months of waking at 07:30 or 06:00, depending on if I’m taking the train to work, that I now wake up a few minutes before my alarm quite often; I’m still tired and I hate it but it gets easier.
Spending time with other people is key too. I find if I’m down it’s usually cause I’ve been alone a lot (which I love) and that can be bad for me so I’ll go see friends even if I don’t want to just to engage.
Luckily I can spot when I’m spiralling. I have an urge to fire up Minecraft and live vicariously through Steve and shut out the world.
It seems that happiness is something in one’s mind, an internal state. I’ve seen people happy who have very little, and the opposite. Happiness is therefore a perception. The mind is the lens through which we perceive everything, so focusing the lens at the right things and ensuring it’s a clean lens are the right starting point to “finding” happiness.
Cleaning the lens: Eat well, sleep well, exercise.
These three fundamentals lay the foundation of a clean lens. If you do the above, you have created the best physical conditions for your mind. You are unfortunately a chemical creature, so the physical state of your brain is critical to all pursuits, including perception of reality.
The next step is pointing the lens at the right things, stay tuned for our next episode!
stay tuned for our next episode!
When will it be airing?
I enjoy helping people. Making other people’s lives better is the goal I set for myself, and I love it. I keep souvenirs as to remember people that I’ve helped.
I look around my house and just feel this sense of pride and peace knowing other people are happier now than how I found them
I recently asked a friend of mine something similar and i will add it here for the sake of discussion.
We need to fulfill our basic needs in order to be happy and content with life. There are 3 basic/main categories:
1: bodily needs: better diet, exercise etc.
2: mental needs: intellectual conversation/pondering, reading/writing a book, even playing some video games etc.
3: spiritual needs: religion/hope for a better time and better place
I would also add one more,
4: social needs: spending time with friends and family, doing something for the community, relationships and dating etc.
Since my friend and I are religious, 3 makes sense on its own. But you might need to think about what it means to you. Imo the most important part is having hope.
Personally for me, its 1 and 4 that i struggle the most with. And in the end, its okay to be wrong and try different things and formulas to find what works best for you.
Don’t be afraid to make mistakes! You live and you learn!
Time spent with friends and partners.
Wrapped under a blanket with someone I was really into, playing a game together, watching a show, or just talking, was really nice.
