Don’t want to start WWIII but even I and my fifty buttplugs were surprised to hear that WALMART was selling sex toys.
They’re basically just disposable bullet style vibrators.
Disposable for when you get post nut clarity?
Wandering in Wallmart, you see the nice cheap disposable dildos and you remember that article you read about how overwhelming prostate orgasms and your curiosity gets the better of you and in the trolley it goes next to the ready meals, the grab bag of doritos and the six pack of beer. You’re ready for the weekend.
Saturday evening rolls into night time and there’s nothing on any of the channels. You watch a couple of instructional videos and then it’s experimentation time.
Well, it’s all quite mind blowing but you’re really not sure that that was it, and now you have a dildo you don’t want to look at so it goes in the bin and you’re back to square one.
Five weeks later you’re in Walmart looking for some ready meals and a six pack of beer for the weekend, and something catches your eye above the toothbrushes. Here we are again. The disposable dildos. Maybe you’ll catch the wave this time. One more try, maybe?
So its now illegal to have more than 6 bananas in your home in Texas?
Sigh, this is gonna be an awkward call to mom…
She’ll say “thanks a bunch” and get on with her day.
Is there a shortage of dildos in Texas that they need such laws to stop hoarding?
There is decidedly not a shortage of dildos in Texas.
Have you seen their politicians?
those are just plain ol’ dicks
I’m guessing they are not limiting the number of guns you can own though.
Ever bring a dildo to a gun fight?
No, but there was the time someone brought a dildo wielding drone to a campaign event and attacked the Bernallio county Sheriff with a “dongcopter.”
LOL, how had I never heard of this before?
As the 2015 New Zealand horror classic Deathgasm demonstrated, when you’re fresh out of guns, dildos are quite effective bludgeoning weapons against demon-possessed zombies.
Source?
Sauce!
yea that’d be a rookie mistake
This dude knows where the purple dildo is in GTA Vice City.
Exactly!
Ted Cruz ran out and is trying to hoard them all for himself.
He is a dildo after all
Ran out? Does he know they are supposed to come out as well as go in?
As a non-carbon based extraterrestrial lizard alien, he consumes the soft supple rubber that many dildos are made of as a form of sustenance.
Neo-puritanism needs to die. I’m getting excited because I think humanity is just generally getting fed up with control. We’re done with this shit.
At least none of these people should be violent. They can have their views. But law is always violent. So it has no business being an extension of anyone’s sexual views. If you violently impose your sexual perspective on others you are as good as a rapist in my book.
I’m getting excited because I think humanity is just generally getting fed up with control.
Only 33% of the US voting population actually voted against Trump who ran on a platform of control. You might be putting too much faith in the general population.
So I know what you mean and I agree, but there are plenty of sexual things that we would want outlawed because of our sexual perspective. Things like rape, sexual assault, pedophilia, etc etc.
The difference between our sexual perspectives and theirs is that we draw the line at harm or lack of consent, they draw the line at disgust.
For those curious to read the penile penal code see 43.23(f): https://statutes.capitol.texas.gov/Docs/PE/htm/PE.43.htm#43.23
That’s interesting:
(f) A person who possesses six or more obscene devices or identical or similar obscene articles is presumed to possess them with intent to promote the same.
So it’s not just 6 obscene devices, you could have two Rampant Rabbits and break the law. I assume a double-ended dildo counts as one obscene device unless they can be disengaged to make two identical ones.
“Obscene devices” is rather a loose term too. The kinky are likely to have quite a few knocking about but for personal use only.
For the double, if it counts as two when split it’d be illegal because two identical devices
They define them in 43.21(7), albeit, still quite loosely:
(7) “Obscene device” means a device including a dildo or artificial vagina, designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs.
So maybe a devices like the magic wand is in the clear since it’s marketed as a massager. I wonder if a vibrator could simply be repackaged and marketed as a massager, as well.
Possession with Intent to Distribute ?
I mean is a weapon of Mass Distraction ?
What is this law ???
They often are.
Interestingly, it doesn’t include butt plugs - Republicans must love those, also penis cages and cock rings.
Roflmfao!!!
Guilty as charged!
Imagining muffled cackles from a chamber of dildos
I’m gonna buy a new one tomorrow for shits and giggles. 🤪
So how exes do they enforce this? Random dildo count inspectors? Dildo registration?
Well for butt plugs you have:
Dildo inspector at work:
what is this? nazi germany?
No, nazi texas.
Nezas?
First they came for the dildos…
Sounds like the government wants to hoard most of the dildos to go fuck themselves. 🍆
How…how are they enforcing this?
Its something to charge you with when the cops go on a fishing expedition at your house for weed or whatever else.
Its just a punishment law that cops get to use at their discretion totally fairly.
At least they can fuck themselves while they’re at it I guess
Guten Tag! Ve are from se Small Government Staffel, here to inspect your bedroom. Vere are your papers for sese?
You are sheltering them under the floorboards, are you not?
Se Fuhrer will make you all build Autobahn if we discover you are hiding something in here!
A government so small it can fit inside your butthole.
Is it in yet?
Herr Oberdildogeneral
“Open up, morailty police!”
“Sir, do you have more than 6 dildos on the property?”
deleted by creator
Which episode is this from?
Reverse Cowgirl.
The one with the TSA
Wouldn’t surprise me if they treat toys like Sudafed. Gotta flash your ID to buy one.
The One Star State is at it again. “Freedom” there is not really a thing since the government obviously owns the citizens.
Is there a limit on total footage? Does a double ended dildo count as two? Is a Christmas tree of dicks ok since it’s more than 6, but is Christian?
I assume a menorah of dildos is out.
Christmas tree dildos you say?
Does a straw have two holes or one hole?
Straws have one hole.
Is your mouth and anus one hole?
Yes, and don’t forget to give your granny a kiss next time you visit.
Yes
I dunno, are the Christmas tree dicks circumcised?
Need to go candelabra style with them all attached at the base.
They just need to add a way to mount it to a gun and then its not a dildo, its a gun accessory.
Well that’s one way to finally make Republicans upset about school shootings… maybe
Sounds like an interesting bump stock
Hump stock
Like a swiss-army knife. (the AI refuses to render this.)
That’s why we will always need human artists
You rang?
Edit: … I think I should mark this nsfw. Um. No idea how though.
Magnificent
This is beautiful
thank you, i try.
The instance doesn’t allow NSFW content, so I don’t think you get the option.
Luckily, this falls under a satire or parody exemption (probably), so I’m allowing it.
I hadn’t even considered that it might not be allowed at all, my mistake. Thank you for indulging me :)
We need a global network of connected dildos. I propose to call it „Interdildo“
Imagine making some sort of open peer to peer sex toy network. Where you are randomly paired up with another person and you control their dildo and they control yours. But no other communication is possible. That would be a fun experiment.
Someone needs to make a Swiss army dildo.
That still only counts as one!
Well fuck me, I give up!
