Only 12 years? thems rookie numbers…you gotta pump them up!

(good for you!, sincerely -a 35yr chef going on year 36)

Join a men’s group. Nothing else in my life has softened my face more.

The best way to stop being miserable is to see other people more miserable than you…and help them. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen or similar. You will count your blessings soon enough. I regularly volunteer to do the final rites of dead people in my community. This includes bathing and prepping the corpse and later burying them. Being around dead people will quickly change your world view.

Brother, you might need to just give yourself time.

You mentioned you just got out of 12 years in food service and you’re only 28 years old! Depending on how recent your escape was, you may just need some time to not do food service and you’ll feel yourself start to come out of your shell. My man, you’ve probably been out through the wringer in your past industry. Enjoy your new career and the nice things that are different from the place you left behind.

Beyond that, I’ve always believed that to have fun, people need to feel safe. You have to ask yourself: “am I grumpy because I don’t feel safe/accepted/comfortable in this situation?” By analyzing what’s bothering you, you may be able to eventually push yourself out of your comfort zone and have a playful attitude with others. I think the father in your example story does but feel safe in his own life.

Friendliness covers a multitude of sins, but it takes practice to present yourself in a friendly way.

Therapy and work on trying to build a mentality around just letting things so. Change happens rapidly, people don’t like change, just gotta fix that mentality and go with the flow of change instead of always pushing against it. Therapist could help find out the why you’re so against changes and help change your perspective on it.

Force yourself to do things you know you normally enjoy, can help break a person out of a “rut”.

Best of luck bud.

I’m not sure how much I can help except to reassure you that your personality does not have to be a straight line into “grumpy old man”.

When I was your age, I was also pessimistic, sarcastic, cynical, with deadpan humor. I probably wasn’t a fun person to be around. Now that i’m twice your age, i’m optimistic, positive, pleasant and friendly, and love goofy humor and Dad Jokes. My politics have skewed way left, and I regularly try to interject some hope into discussions with disillusioned young adults. Don’t worry about a thing 'Cause every little thing is gonna be alright

My best guess for why I changed, was having kids. Some of it was to light up the path of their lives, some of it was seeing the light through their eyes, but I think it was mostly joining them. I first saw the light at a cabin in the Adirondacks when I snuck out early before anyone was up so I could feed my newborn his first bottle at the top of the nearby mountain. I could look around, do the Lion King thing to proclaim the world as his. But it got better as he got older and I rediscovered my inner child and the simple joy of playing. Now he’s the serious kid going into college worrying about his future, the environment, etc, and I’m the goofball making him laugh, showing hope and optimism about the future, letting him know every little thing is gonna be alright l

The easiest would just be to die young. Can’t be a crotchety old man if you never live to be old!

Try to enjoy life a bit. If there is nothing that is currently bringing you that joy, now is the time to experiment a bit.

As someone near your age who had worked in Food Service for a similar amount of time; I highly recommend you talk to your GP about getting some help. I came out feeling the exact same way, but ignored it. That was the wrong thing to do, and getting medical help has made a huge difference.

It’s kinda freaky reading your post honestly. I even worked on Factory lines after kitchens and had a similar experience.

One thing no one seems to be mentioning, is finding a purpose. A reason that things are worth it even when they aren’t good.

What is your reason for living, your hope, even when shit hits the fan?

1. Commit to the bit. If you’re deadpan, see if you can keep elaborating on a joke without cracking a smile until it’s so damn silly you’ve got to laugh. People like it, and it’s an easy transition to make for people who have a serious-seeming sense of humor.

2. Consciously remind yourself that everyone tends to assume that mistakes are caused by inherent properties of people, but sometimes there are fuzzy but real reasons why people say and do dumb stuff- bad day, distracted, etc. Try to give people the slack you’d like them to give you when you get wound up on some dumbass opinion.

Just put yourself out there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you wanna be friends with the “fun” guys go join their group, introduce yourself, say “what’s up”. Don’t put a lot of pressure on it.

The same thing goes for hobbies. I assume you have hobbies and interests? Look up meetups for these things and then, and this is important, go do those things with other people. This is actually an easier avenue than the factory because you’ll already know you have something in common and, fundamentally, peeps love talking about their hobbies. And their hobbies are your hobbies. Jackpot.

But, at the end of the day, if you don’t want to be serious all the time then you just can’t take everything seriously. Being there for your kids? Every fucking time. Someone makes a joke at your expense? Laugh. Was it a good joke? Laugh harder. Who gives a shit.

After reading the other replies I went back and re-read your post to check…you don’t mention a partner or any significant other. I think you might be focusing too hard inward (bad mood, cynical, walls up) and not focusing outward (cherishing interactions with others, forming or maintaining bonds with others). Perhaps you’re feeling lonely?

I am a grump but my wife won’t let me get away with it for long. I am cynical but my friends call me on it because I force myself to share. My work puts me in contact with new people every day and I actively seek an understanding of them and have to let them see who I am in order to be good at my job.

Another respondent said “put yourself out there”. I agree but would also add seek out interactions with others and be a participant not an observer.

Do you happen to have access to a bunch of balloons?

Get a better job and hang around with cooler people, get drunk and high if you feel like it, and get your mind into a state of carelessness about all the bullshit. Don’t worry about things that you can’t control, because it does no good and stains your mind. Enjoy your hobbies and do whatever you want.