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«done is done said the moose and walked over the river and became a reindeer.»
in norwegian done rhymes with deer, and reindeer rhymes with clean.
It kinda works because a moose and a deer are similar if not for the size, and both rain and rivers have water. It became a rain-deer.
Terrible pun, sue me.
The farmer and the farmhand are out in the field working. Suddenly the sky closes in and it looks like rain. The farmhand says to the farmer: “If we don’t hurry now, we’ll get soaked here.” The farmer says to the farmhand: “Then go into the house and get my wellies!” The farmhand says: “Why me? Why don’t you get your wellies yourself?” The farmer looks at the farmhand angrily and asks: “Who’s the farmer? Who’s the Farmhand?”
The farmhand goes into the house in a rage. The farmer’s wife and her pretty daughter are sitting at the kitchen table. The farmhand says to the two of them: “The farmer said you two should get naked so I can fuck you.” The two women look at each other. The farmer’s wife is surprised: “No, I don’t believe that. The farmer would never say something like that, would he?” “Yes, he would,” says the farmhand. “But I can ask again just in case.” He goes to the kitchen window and opens it. The farmer’s wife has followed him and is standing next to it. The farmhand shouts out into the field: “Farmer, both of them?” The farmer looks at the window and shouts back: “Both of course, you idiot!”
“Yes, both of them! What would be the point of just one?!”
Oh I can do German-style comedy too, but as an American.
A Democrat and a Republican walk into a bar. They fight and both die in the hospital. Their families have to each pay $80,000 for medical expenses, then both families sue the bar. The bar closes, the owner divorces, spirals into alcoholism, and commits suicide. Then the funeral director buys a new house.
Heh. Relatable vibe.
You said comedy, not children stories!
A European man at his favorite vacation/holiday destination on the Mediterranean goes into a bar and says, “One pint of beer.” The bartender brings him the pint, and the man pays him the price of the beer without leaving a tip. The man drinks the beer. He falls into alcoholism again. When he returns home, he discusses with his doctor options for treating alcoholism. The man is sent to a rehabilitation facility for a few months and recovers. When he returns home, he still has his job. lmaooooo Europe is so much better than USA 🤣🤣🤣
Only one issue. Beer is not sold by pints in the Mediterranean.
Fine. A Celsius or kilometer of beer then.
1km³ would be sick
Fuck it. I’m down. Sounds like fun. Can’t wait to aggravate Germans with my immature German bullshit. Achhh duven shneider volkwagens nien schaft vida zein!! Get your train pass and speedo ready. I’ll bring over some BBQ, debt, and assault rifles. Let’s do it 🏖🚈
You only need Speedos if you’re going to France. They have a weird thing about Speedos
I’m pretty sure that’s just how Barcelona operates.
I thought this was turning into a Latvian joke.
The man drinks the beer. He falls into alcoholism again. His children go hungry. His wife succumbs to tuberculosis. The man drinks to forget, but the beer runs out. Now the man can never forget.
A dog walks into a bar and says “I can’t see a thing. I’ll open this one.”
Those ancient Sumerians sure knew how to make some knee-slappers.
That’s sadly the funniest German joke I’ve ever heard, I mean the punchline is there, but the set-up isn’t, meaning it’s closer to what I recognize as a joke than most Germanic Humor.
Edit: Nope, funnier German jokes are in this comment chain, I’m in a good mood today
These two are from Romania, specifically about people from Ardeal (the region encompassing Transylvania) - which means they’re aimed at the fact that people from Ardeal are slow (haha, so funny, Southerners…):
- John and George were out on the field reaping all day and were heading back to the village. Suddenly, it starts raining fiercely, so they huddle under some walnut trees and decide to spend the night there in case it wouldn’t let up.
Later on, while sleeping, George is suddenly woken up by a foul smell. “John,” he said softly, “did you fart?”
“No, George, must’ve been the dog.”
“Oh, ok.”
A couple of minutes pass, then George suddenly has a realisation: “John, the dog isn’t here, though…”
“Oh, don’t worry,” says John half asleep, “I’m sure it’ll turn up eventually.”
- John, George and Mary were at the bus stop, waiting for the bus. They’ve been there for half an hour, sitting.
“The bus isn’t coming,” John says softly.
After a couple of minutes, George replies matter-of-factly: “it’ll come, I’m telling you.”
A few more minutes pass, then Mary chimes in: “if you two keep arguing, I’m walking home.”
Girl goes to a store and asks: “do you sell pantyhoses?”. The salesman replies: “why? Do you have half an ass?”
This is a kids pun joke that got lost in translation. Treffen can mean either to meet or to hit (like with a bullet).
Want a funny German joke? Why don’t ants go to church? Because they’re insects!
It’s neat that the ant joke’s pun translates into English, good pick.
As an immigrant in Germany, that’s the reason people think Germans aren’t funny. A lot of the humor is pun-based (and sometimes there are many, many more layers, making them actually very good jokes), which just doesn’t translate well.
One translated from Norwegian:
“Once upon a time… But now it’s a corridor”
I’ll supply the original and an explanation:
“Det var en gang… Men nå er det en korridor”
“Det var en gang” is literally “It was a time/an instance”, and it’s the main way every fairytale starts in Norwegian. But “gang” could also mean hallway.
“Det var en gang” is better translated as “Once upon a time”.
They showed that with their first translation. The second, more literal, translation is to explain the pun.
Funnybot, is that you?
Oh my LEEEEERD!
AWWKKWAAARD.
It’s a bit like the shortest joke: A woman comes at the doctor…
Or in German: Kommt 'ne Frau beim Arzt…
This one works well in German and English, but I assume it’s untranslatable in many other languages.
Stupid question
Does it play on the double meaning of “come” being “to arrive” and “to orgasm”?
Exactly
That. And the fact that doctor jokes have a well known scheme that’s broken here, as you’d normally expect the joke to continue after the sentence.
A woman comes to the doctor and asks “Can I take a bath with my diarrhea?” The doctor answers: “Sure, if it’s enough to fill the tub.”
Thanks 👍
Like 90% the “jokes” I heard growing up I couldn’t translate without getting banned for racism.
Like automodded, racism. Basically the “punchline” was often the n-word.
Wenn ist das Nunstück git und Slotermeyer? Ja! Beiherhund das Oder die Flipperwaldt gersput!
o hohohohohoho!
💀
Bitte was?
Danke!
💀
Zer ver zwei peanuts walking down der Straße. Von vas assaulted … peanut.
What’s yellow, and waiting? Jonathan.
e: i promise it’s not racist
What’s the joke here?
In french, Jonathan sounds like ‘jaune attend’ (yellow waits)
omg
I was trying to make it work with German
yeah, a while ago they tried that in france as well
Pffft.
And people say Germans have no sense of humour.
Life is like Belgium. Sometimes you just have to push trough it.
Hahaha what would it sound like in German? gelb warten?
In the early 80s, American scientists and engineers produced the smallest precision drill bit ever created. With great pride and fanfare, they sent it to their West German colleagues for study and reproduction.
Just days later, the engineering team received a parcel. In it, a note: “Thank you for letting us test our equipment” and the original drill bit with a hole drilled through its center.
I know a variant
endingof this:I messed up a bit. They were sending the thinnest wire they could build.
Just days later, the engineering team received their
drillbitwire with a note attached: „The description got lost on the way. We didn’t know what to do with the rod you sent us, so we cut an internal threading into it. Best regards!“
