I am of the age to have kids, some of my friends have them, but I have mixed feelings about it, just wondering about other people’s experiences.
I’m female. Hell. Fucking no. Pregnancy and childbirth sound awful and I have zero interest in babies, children, or taking care of something that might grow to hate me. Too much societal stereotypical expectation as the mom. I understand today parenting is a lot more fair and equal but I would still be giving up my body and time for feeding, among other things.
But I’ve genuinely had to ask myself if I was a male? Would I want kids… I think one of the biggest turn offs is literally the female pregnancy/birth part. If I didn’t have to carry and give birth to a child? Maybe?
I understand adoption would still be a thing but I still think as a female I’d carry responsibility that I don’t want.
I’ve never had a desire to be around kids or babies and the screaming and crying sets me off when I’m in the vicinity. Then the teenage mood swings? I can’t fathom.
Overall I’m a hard no.
I have no idea why why any woman would want to get pregnant. It looks like an absolute terrible experience all around, and that’s not even accounting for the safety risks and the long term health reprocustions.
My wife hated being pregnant. It was the worst time in her life. But once the baby was there, hormones kicked in and all that pregnancy shit was instantly forgotten. Crazy how that works. She would never recommend pregnancy to anyone ever. She also hates how pregnancy is over-romanticized.
But she does recommend kids if you’re willing to commit a large portion of your adult life to be centered around the kid. If helps to live in a country where parents get many benefits like up to 3 years of parental leave, additional vacation days etc. We, as the parents, are having the best time of our lives. It was a difficult decision back then, and it took me until I turned 33 to finally decide to have a kid.
Some women say they enjoy it which I cannot really fathom. I did not care for it. As for why the woman would want to get pregnant though… I mean that’s about having a kid, not about being pregnant, isn’t it?
And also not to be crass, but haven’t you ever had sex that’s so good in that moment you and your body genuinely want to get pregnant?
Let me rephrase, then:
I’m surprised that any woman would want something enough that they’d be willing to endure pregnancy.
Honestly I’m not sure I’d recommend it. It’s really hard and it completely changing everything: life, marriage, work life balance, sleep, stress, etc.
I wouldn’t change having one but it was not made clear to me how unbelievably hard it is.
If you’re in a culture where you parents actually help it’s more doable. Assuming you’re a westerner then it’s hard.
No, I haven’t achieved my dreams yet (only 24) and yeah I want kids. I always dream about playing some epic games with my kids or teaching them generally.
Passing down knowledge and raising a (hopefully) good person are among my main reasons for having kids.
It’s a great feeling when you can explain your kids stuff about the world (through books or your own memory). In a way, you experience the marvels of the world again along the way.
Hmm it seems you’re not a dad/mom yet as well. When are you planning to have kids?
IF I have kids with my current partner it would probably be in about 3-5 years.
I have one child, now adult, who reminds me every day that she didn’t ask to be born and wishes she hadn’t been. It’s hard to explain to someone without the life experience of it all but I couldn’t have known how shit the world was about to get when she was born (summer 2001) so it seemed like a good idea at the time. Every single day of her life has been hard both for her and us in various ways. And I wish the world was gentler for her.
Suffice to say, I can’t believe there are any people actively trying to bring new people in to the world right now. Shit has been bleak as fuck for decades and it gets worse every day. Even the new plague didn’t help. I feel bad enough knowing the world she was introduced to is so terrible but I didn’t know it was going to be. But now? Guys it’s actually very bad, how could you present this to a new innocent person like,”here’s life! Enjoy!” Pass.
Probably people who don’t actually think about stuff like that.
One of the most stressful things about having kids is that it forces you to never un-know stuff like that.
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Is like to, but I won’t before I’m in a good enough life situation, and either seems improbable or very far away, and while men can definitely have kids to very late in life, I don’t want to wear diapers at the same time as my kids might.
So yeah, mixed feelings.
If I won the lotto right now and found a spouse, sure. Out side from that, nah, prolly not.
As someone in her early twenties, I am not a mom yet, but it has been on everyone’s mind. Me and my six older siblings (five older sisters and one FtM brother) are Pacific Islanders adopted by Indian Islanders and so it seems to have been inevitable for children to be on everyone’s mind, especially as my older siblings all are themselves foster parents. I could come as close as comfortably possible to it, but I don’t have confidence in the idea of being a mom, not just because I don’t think I could handle childbirth (if I chose not to adopt) but because I fear failing due to what I might mess up or not provide.
I have 4 kids. I wanted 4 kids. I love my children and am so happy that I had them. NOT EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE KIDS. They take all your resources. They come out of the box with factory settings that will drive you crazy. They are a really, really long commitment. I would say life long but sadly I’ve seen otherwise.
People will tell you that you should have kids because they think of all the joy and meaning they give to their lives. This is true. But other things can give you joy. Other things can give you meaning. If you don’t like those other things you can just stop doing them. You can’t (shouldn’t) stop being a parent.
Lastly the answer can always be maybe someday but not now. You can adopt. You can foster. Fertility treatments or other options can extend viable child bearing years beyond what I would recommend, but once you have kids they are always there. Make the decision for yourself rather than allowing others to for you and you will be happier for it.
I’m not even sure if I want to live. Forcing existence on someone else seems a cruel thing to do.
That’s fair.
I’m not one of those people who loves being a parent. You know the kind, the mom who loves having all the kids in the neighborhood over and cleans every mess with a big smile. I have two kids and they often drive me crazy. But I never regret having them.
They constantly fight with each other, whine that this or that is unfair, refuse to listen exactly when you’re in rush to get them to school, leave the entire house in a mess and in general manage to find new and inventive ways to make your day that little bit more challenging.
But they’re the sweetest and most wonderful thing to have happened to me at the same time. I love everything about them and couldn’t imagine my life without them. Even my eldest son, who is hitting puberty and can reach maximum sarcasm with even the smallest of expressions, shows so much care and affection when it comes down to it. I could go on and on about how wonderful they are, but I think you get the idea :)The thing is though, as others have said, parenthood is a major investment of your time and energy. Your life will never be the same again, ever. So if you do decide to become a parent, accept your fate and make the best of it. Those wonderful child-free years are gone and will never come back again.
I don’t mean to sound very gloomy about it, but it’s just an inescapable fact if you want to try and be a good parent.One thing that helped for me though, is find someone in a likewise position and share your burdens. I have a friend at work who has two kids of about the same age, and she goes through the same struggles as me. We always complain about our kids to each other, knowing that it’s just something you need to get off your chest once in a while. It’s usually about small stuff like a daughter exploding in the morning because she can’t find her pencil case, or some other minor drama. Our other coworkers always think that we hate being parents, and joke that our stories are probably responsible for a large part of the birth decline :)
But it feels so good to know that you’re not the only one struggling. So many parents like to put up this facade of being a perfect family, and it can make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. But everyone has struggles, it doesn’t make you a bad parent.Sorry, I’m getting a bit off topic. It’s just that I have a lot of feelings about it, and it’s not always been easy. And if you decide to be a parent, it won’t be easy for you either. But if you’re willing to put in the effort, it’ll be worth it in the end. Just make sure you have someone to talk to, and don’t be too hard on yourself.
I have 2 kids. One bit and one girl. Wish I had a third, but I got snipped after 2.
I have to daughters, and my personal experience has been overwhelmingly positive.
By that I do NOT mean that it’s convenient - it absolutely is not. It’s stressful, and all hedonistic pleasures go down the drain for a period of time. But they give my life meaning in a way few other things can.
No.
No.
And also, no.
Long before I was diagnosed as being autistic and having ADHD, I knew that I would be a shitty parent. I’m often wrapped up in my own world and busy doing my own thing, and that doesn’t work very well for relationships, and considerably less well for raising a child.
I have cats, I have a spouse. That’s enough.
simplest answer ever.
No. No. And no.
no, no and no, but you will have to find an answer if your decision to have or not to have kids was the right choice in any case.
