I am of the age to have kids, some of my friends have them, but I have mixed feelings about it, just wondering about other people’s experiences.
nope, not now or in the future, no.
No to all. I get to spend all my time and money with my wife. We can travel, watch concerts, and do any activity without having to worry about babysitting, getting home early, etc.
Has anyone close to you told you that you should have kids?
There’s definitely some talk on my wife’s side of the family, since her extended family has tons of kids, so they just expect anyone who gets married to have kids. We just tune it out. It also helps that we moved away so they can’t really bother much. My side doesn’t really care, or at least doesn’t care enough to ask or talk about it.
I have a 7yo son and I do not regret having him at all.
I became a father pretty late in life, so I did all the traveling and partying I could before. Everybody around me started having kids anyway, and less friends where available when we were making plans.
Sure, life changes drastically when you have a child, but with a family of my own I now feel more rooted in life. It’s a quality of it’s own.
It was a nice time before, and I sure miss being able to decide more independently how to spend my time. But our family is a team with common interests and we enjoy spending time together.
As my son starts to be more independent himself, we now start following our own plans again one bit at a time. It is definitely a give and take scenario, but we three get a lot from it 😊.
Edit: More words to make things clearer.
If you don’t mind me asking, how old were you when you became a father? I’m 37, my dad was 45 when he had me. If I do end up having kids I damn sure do not feel ready.
I was 44. It was not a rational decision to wait so long, I just didn’t have the right relationship before.
In my experience it only gets harder the older you get (if I were in my 20s when I got my first kid it would have been easier to handle, except I was studying then…), and you will never really be ready for all the needs of a baby, it’s something you have to learn step by step.
That said when you first have them it’s a great experience being a parent.
I’m not one of those people who loves being a parent. You know the kind, the mom who loves having all the kids in the neighborhood over and cleans every mess with a big smile. I have two kids and they often drive me crazy. But I never regret having them.
They constantly fight with each other, whine that this or that is unfair, refuse to listen exactly when you’re in rush to get them to school, leave the entire house in a mess and in general manage to find new and inventive ways to make your day that little bit more challenging.
But they’re the sweetest and most wonderful thing to have happened to me at the same time. I love everything about them and couldn’t imagine my life without them. Even my eldest son, who is hitting puberty and can reach maximum sarcasm with even the smallest of expressions, shows so much care and affection when it comes down to it. I could go on and on about how wonderful they are, but I think you get the idea :)The thing is though, as others have said, parenthood is a major investment of your time and energy. Your life will never be the same again, ever. So if you do decide to become a parent, accept your fate and make the best of it. Those wonderful child-free years are gone and will never come back again.
I don’t mean to sound very gloomy about it, but it’s just an inescapable fact if you want to try and be a good parent.One thing that helped for me though, is find someone in a likewise position and share your burdens. I have a friend at work who has two kids of about the same age, and she goes through the same struggles as me. We always complain about our kids to each other, knowing that it’s just something you need to get off your chest once in a while. It’s usually about small stuff like a daughter exploding in the morning because she can’t find her pencil case, or some other minor drama. Our other coworkers always think that we hate being parents, and joke that our stories are probably responsible for a large part of the birth decline :)
But it feels so good to know that you’re not the only one struggling. So many parents like to put up this facade of being a perfect family, and it can make you feel like you’re doing something wrong. But everyone has struggles, it doesn’t make you a bad parent.Sorry, I’m getting a bit off topic. It’s just that I have a lot of feelings about it, and it’s not always been easy. And if you decide to be a parent, it won’t be easy for you either. But if you’re willing to put in the effort, it’ll be worth it in the end. Just make sure you have someone to talk to, and don’t be too hard on yourself.
I’m not even sure if I want to live. Forcing existence on someone else seems a cruel thing to do.
That’s fair.
As someone in her early twenties, I am not a mom yet, but it has been on everyone’s mind. Me and my six older siblings (five older sisters and one FtM brother) are Pacific Islanders adopted by Indian Islanders and so it seems to have been inevitable for children to be on everyone’s mind, especially as my older siblings all are themselves foster parents. I could come as close as comfortably possible to it, but I don’t have confidence in the idea of being a mom, not just because I don’t think I could handle childbirth (if I chose not to adopt) but because I fear failing due to what I might mess up or not provide.
No and no. I don’t think I’d want to subject my kids to where the world is headed. Also, too much of a long-term commitment that would significantly reduce my opportunities to do what I want, travel etc.
Those are both among the main arguments I have against having any.
As to the latter, I’m roughly satisfied in the department of things that kids would preclude.
As to the former, that’s part of the reason I want kids. I care about the people who will live in the future. I want a better life for them.
I can do what I can to improve the world in my life, but someone needs to carry the torch. Kids are an opportunity to teach some subset of the future population my values. I want to learn from my parents’ mistakes and my own life to make better kids that become better parents, who make better kids who become better parents, so on and so forth ad infinitum.
The intro to Idiocracy can be generalized: the world will be populated by the children of those who have children. If only the worst people reproduce, the future will be worse. Unless the ethical people reproduce and pass on their values, those values will die out. If we want the future to be better, we have to have kids, teach them to be better, and teach them to teach their kids to be better.
As for the travel argument, kids are so much fun to travel with! Experiencing new places through a child’s eyes!? They ask some great questions, and you get to hone in your own opinions as you decide the best way to explain life to them. Travel is the best way to raise tolerant and knowledgeable children. If you’re concerned about more… hedonistic travel just realize that you only get 18 to 20 years with them in your daily life, those designations will still be there. If you’re afraid that’s a long time then you likely haven’t had your 20th high school reunion yet.
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We wanted kids, tried to have kids, but things never seemed to work out. So I went to see my doctor and they ran some tests. First test we found I had no sperm, so they did more tests, turns out I barely have any testosterone at all, but absolutely tons of estrogen. More tests, this time a genetic one. Turns out I have kleinfelter syndrome, which if caught early enough there are things that can be done. But at my age that boat has long since sailed.
It’s been an interesting couple of years. I started TRT injections at the beginning of the year. And my life has taken a complete 180, turns out you really need testosterone for alot of things. And your body reacts kinda funny without it.
Adoption seems our only choice, but she doesn’t want a kid if it’s not hers. So… Yea
That makes me wonder, how did it influence your life? Ive never heard of what a lack of testosterone can do
Well the main thing it did to me was give me crippling depression. No one over the course of my life could ever figure out why I was depressed. “It runs in the family” was the excuse. My depression disappeared after the first injection. Everyday of my life I felt like there was a force pushing down on me, and then shortly after my shot it went away and it took me awhile to realize it was gone. That was a good day.
I couldn’t lose weight no matter what I did, spent thousands on personal training over the years but I could never gain muscle, or lose the weight I gained. I was a 58 waist in Feb, and I’m currently down to 44 in not even a year. Last time I went to the big and tall store they said they’ve seen me enough this year and we switched to elastic waist pants and a stretch belt so I don’t keep having to buy clothes every 3 months.
I never had any body hair. I would have to shave once a week before. I have hair everywhere now and it’s weird.
Lots of other things, zero libido. I was dating my wife and she got exasperated about my disinterest in sex, it was a chore for me. I’d be the one coming up with excuses not to have sex.
Oh damn, thanks for the reply! That was an interesting read and very good to know, thanks for sharing!
Didnt know it had that much effect on the human body!
Also happy to hear you got better!
I do not have kids.
I do not want kids.
I do not regret it.To be fair, I get the perspective makes sense from a biological/evolutionary perspective. But if I had to understand intuitively or from how I feel, I don’t get why anyone would want kids.
I do not have kids. I do not want kids. I do not regret it.
Would you like them in a house? Would you like them with a mouse?
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I have one child, now adult, who reminds me every day that she didn’t ask to be born and wishes she hadn’t been. It’s hard to explain to someone without the life experience of it all but I couldn’t have known how shit the world was about to get when she was born (summer 2001) so it seemed like a good idea at the time. Every single day of her life has been hard both for her and us in various ways. And I wish the world was gentler for her.
Suffice to say, I can’t believe there are any people actively trying to bring new people in to the world right now. Shit has been bleak as fuck for decades and it gets worse every day. Even the new plague didn’t help. I feel bad enough knowing the world she was introduced to is so terrible but I didn’t know it was going to be. But now? Guys it’s actually very bad, how could you present this to a new innocent person like,”here’s life! Enjoy!” Pass.
Probably people who don’t actually think about stuff like that.
One of the most stressful things about having kids is that it forces you to never un-know stuff like that.
No, I haven’t achieved my dreams yet (only 24) and yeah I want kids. I always dream about playing some epic games with my kids or teaching them generally.
Passing down knowledge and raising a (hopefully) good person are among my main reasons for having kids.
Hmm it seems you’re not a dad/mom yet as well. When are you planning to have kids?
IF I have kids with my current partner it would probably be in about 3-5 years.
It’s a great feeling when you can explain your kids stuff about the world (through books or your own memory). In a way, you experience the marvels of the world again along the way.
I have a daughter. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Sounds corny as fuck, but it’s true. I don’t regret a thing. The first 3 years are tough, but also super cute. After that it’s a freaking miracle on 2 legs. Sometimes I think we should have had a second child shortly after but we already put in so much energy to set her up for life. I don’t think we could have extended that for another child. Turns out she’s neurodivergent, just like me. It takes a bit more effort raising someone like that, but it’s totally worth it.
I bet there are people here fuming at my post already because of climate change and whatnot. I believe humanity has faced way worse and yet we’re still here. If there is a meaning to life, it is going to be survival. Can’t survive without procreation.
No kids, no regrets, at 34. Life is already stressful enough with instability around housing and long-term career prospects (what with AI affecting jobs and such). With kids in the picture, I feel like that anxiety would just be ten times worse.
no kids, do not want kids. I can hear the feral beast within my soul howling for mortal progeny to raise, but you can actually just set that to mute. its really easy
I can’t reach the mute button, managed to get the volume just low enough I can only hear it in the quiet times.
