Every day, all day, I have to lie to clients at work and tell them I’m good. I’m far from good and lying about it constantly is killing me.
I’m incredibly lonely and almost everything I usually enjoy feels like a goddamn chore.
Anyone else here feel like that? If so, how do y’all cope?
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You can say other things. Good. It’s been better. I’m alive. Just keep it short.
The horrors persist, but so do I.
Cthulu lives (runs away)
No one really wants an accurate answer. It’s just a greeting. Someone says ‘how are you?’ you say ‘grand’ then get on with your day. Same as when someone says ‘what’s happening?’ They don’t want a comprehensive list of your woes and such.
Edit: just found this - https://lemmy.world/post/25032324
Well obviously, but I know that I’m lying and it just reminds me of how I’m shitty like 90% of days.
Then say something different. Same shit different day, surviving for now, whatever. They’ll shrug it off and move on. We all do it. My mom used to say, “it’s a good day. I woke up on the right side of the dirt.”
Could you maybe skip the answer and go directly to asking „how are you?“ back?
Adding a “thanks” acknowledges them asking. “Thanks, how about you?” Doesn’t answer the question, but follows the social interaction formula of acknowledgment and throwing it back/mirroring.
It’s impossible to be 100% honest all the time if you want to live in the western culture. It would cause so many problems. You would be seen as someone strange, even though you are the normal one for expressing your honest emotions.
In a mad world, being sane is seen as being mad.
If it’s a greeting, then just greet me. “Hey!”, “Good morning”, etc. Don’t ask me a question you don’t want an answer to.
I’ve been going with “surviving” for the last year or so. It’s about as good as I can confess to myself most days. I agree with you in that “good thanks”, you? Feels you close to lying for my morals on my bad days.
I just stopped saying I’m fine. It’s actually pretty fun to make things awkward. My best situations are usually “been better” and I’m usually more like “pretty shitty, my guy”. People who didn’t mean to ask will just wish me well but the best are when people agree with you and you go on a rant about shitty people for a half hour.
I use “Getting by. We’re all just getting by.” I usually get a reply like, “Ain’t that the truth.” More real, and it invites an attitude of being in it together.
Arrive at work.
Coworker asks, “How are you?”
I respond, “Well, I’m here.”
Coworker nods knowingly.
Lying in general wears me down, but if I told a client or passer-by how I’m actually doing I’d be drugged out of my mind in a padded room by the end of the week. Occasionally I “squeak by” with a “Any day above ground, right?” This can’t be healthy.
you’d be surprised how hard it is to get sectioned sometimes. I love therapy bc you don’t have to lie like that you can just say everything sucks and why.
I’ve been saying “I don’t know” to the “how are you doing” question for about 20 years. It’s pretty good. 95% of the time that’s the end of the conversation. 5% of the time a dialogue that isn’t mundane happens.
Have you considered ego death? Abandon concepts like being polite or not rocking the boat. Do something you think might be enjoyable because you can and laugh off others who don’t understand. Life is too short to be normal.
Life is a sandbox game and nowhere it says you need to play it like other people do. I look at the lives of the “average person” and I don’t want what they have so I also don’t see why I should do what they do and expect a different outcome. Ofcourse one doesn’t just choose to not care about what others think - it’s not that easy, but there are small steps you can take towards it that you can do every day.
For example: I like looking at things. Virtually every day I notice something and go: “what is that?” A normal person would maybe look at it while walking by without stopping but not me. I’m the guy others walk by wondering what the hell is he doing. Just yesterday there was this fascinating chain mail curtain that a store uses to close in the cashier window at night and I spent a solid 2 minutes there twiddling with it while the staff was wondering if I’m going to buy something or not. Nah, I’m just studying this thing here.
Client: Hi, how are you today? You: good afternoon.
Client: Hi, how are you today? You: is it Friday yet? asking for a friend.
Client: Hi, how are you today? You: I’m surviving, it beats the alternative (fake chuckle) , what can I do for you today?
Client Hi, how are you today? You: Fluffy, he was my anchor, my pivot, the only thing in life worth living… Nah, I’m just fucking with ya. You’re here, I’m here, lets get shit done.
In Ireland it’s common to say “not too bad”
I don’t, I rely an ready made sentences that require no effort on my part are that are not lies at all. Depending who’s asking when someone is asking me how well I’m I will answer (it’s in French)
- ‘Je vais bien, pas le choix!’ (I’m doing well, no choice!) or more often ‘Je vais toujours bien, c’est défendu d’aller mal!’ (I’m always well, It’s forbidden to feel bad!'). Edit I will more often than not smile, saying that.
- ‘Bien sur et toi?’ (sure, and you?) and, yep, I purposefully do not answer the question.
I don’t lie (I may even hint that I may not be doing that well, in the first type of answers) but I also shamelessly use the fact that most people don’t give the slightest crap how well I really am when they’re asking. That’s small-talk 101. Like saying ‘the weather is nice today, isn’t it?’
The less interactions I have with the kind of persons who rely on small-talk, the happier I’m. So, it never bothers me to be ‘polite’ as I know how efficient it is to shorten the time and energy I waste with them.
Curiosity question, is it common where you’re from for people to ask how you’re doing as a form of greeting? I had always heard it was such an American thing to do.
Here in France it’s probably the norm the moment it’s some other person you vaguely know. Or if there is no ‘power’ or authority relation involved.
That said, things may be different for younger people (I’m in my 50s) as I’ve noticed they don’t talk that much in person.
Edit: typos. Cooking at the same time I’m trying to post a comment is not the best idea ;)
It is tiresome. Its not going to be good unless modern society changes in some extremely significant ways in teh US at least.
Then stop lying about it :
“Hey, how you doin’?”
" Everything’s bad, as usual, thanks"
Or
“Just as bad as yesterday, thanks, what about you?”
Or
“… next question?”
If it’s a client and can’t afford to be awkward, just say say
“Just another day”
And if people ask for more details but you don’t want to talk about it, just say :
“Just having a bad day”
Or
“Nothing good happened yet”
Or
“Nothing out of the ordinary”
Or just make up your honest but polite answers
I feel like it would be really interesting to see what would happen if everyone started doing this at once, but as it stands it’d just make things more complicated for yourself.
Not at all. I’ve done this for years and it’s not complicated in the least.
Getting fired speed run
I should’ve gotten fired long ago if that was true… nope, quite the opposite.
Depends on the job. If you tell random people you’re doing bad they usually look at you funny at the very least.
The people from northern Germany have very honest, but simple way to answer this question.
„Na? Wie is?“ (How is your life going right now?)
„Muss ja…“. (It is going on because it has to.)
wat mut dat mut
Machste nix 🤷♂️
Tja…
In the Midwest we have a similar one:
Person 1: How’s it going?
Person 2: It’s going(! or … depending on the mood)
“Another day in paradise.” “We’re going alright.” “Looking forward to [Quitting time/the weekend/heading home]” “Nothing worth complaining about.”
“Living the dream…”
It helps to understand what is being communicated here. It’s not a genuine request for your health status, it’s a friendly greeting. The last thing anyone wants in response to “how are you” is a list of everything that’s wrong with you. If you struggle to cope with replying “fine” or equivalent, refuse to answer the question and respond instead with something like “hi/hello!”. The non-sequitur will jar them for a moment and hopefully they’ll learn not to ask dumb questions.
