How about an adolescent kangaroo?
i don’t fight animals fairly, i can admit it… i’m just not gonna… fuck 'em, bring me my shooter…
space whale, just double fist closed the blowhole for strangulation, air? gravity? thats for people who wernt BUILT BIFRENT.
assuming we fight in my natural habitat, a blue whale - gravity does most of the work though.
I could totally take a 6-year-old human.
fuck off those things are animals
1 Lemmy
Blue whale.
You never said I had to win.
Get him on land and just keep punching for a few hours and you might just win!
Doesn’t “think you can take on” imply winning though? If not at least surviving with most limbs attached.
Sit in its blowhole until it suffocates?
Obviously I am not advocating for these beautiful majestic giant beasts to be killed but if it was a life or death thing… I’d be getting in that blowhole like a big old human tampon.
They can hold their breath for 30-90 minutes and can dive to 1000 feet. Good luck.
Their error was sitting in the blowhole. The trick is you have to go in head first so you can steal the oxygen from the whales lungs.
I’m so fucked. But I’ll wedge myself in deep, if I’m going down I’m taking it with me!
(reality would be it’d surface and blow me out like a floppy ragdoll)
Later the whale is telling his buddy about the worst booger he had to get rid of.
They have 2 20inch holes, so make sure to bring a buddy!
I can stick my arms or feet in it’s blowjole. when it comed up to breath, it means it’s already out of air. that’s when i strike. muahaha 🤪
It isn’t blowhole.
They also never said in which environment:
Stranded blue whale.
In the ocean. I punch it once, it swims away. “Yeah bitch, you better run!”
With all the blubber, would a whale even notice a punch, especially if the force was lessened due to water drag?
Notice it? Likely. Interpret it as a threat? Unlikely. Swat you like an annoying insect? Probably.
if it was a Right Whale then by all accounts, it’d take it as a come on.
they’re lovers not fighters.
No idea, a capybara maybe?
Bro those things are fucking huge
And they do fight, albeit rarely.
A kangaroo would fking shred you. And while you’re trying to hold your intestines in it’ll then beat the snot out.
As an Australian who legitimately had to do workplace training on how to deal with aggressive kangaroos (including what happens if you have to defend yourself from one) they arent that scary.
To really go nuts with their legs they have to stop, plant their tail and use it for stability to rear back and kick you and they really dont like being hit in the head and face. So if you keep backing up and moving laterally they arent that dangerous. They are also dumber than sacks of wet shit. In a fight for my life I’d confidently say I could take one, but I doubt Id be in a good state.
Would you fight a big red though?
Not willingly, but I think I COULD win.
Id be less scared of a kangaroo than something like a Deer with antlers or anything with claws. Roos have weak arms, my plan would be to somehow get it in a choke hold and wrap my legs around its upper body, squeeze as hard as I can and start praying.
Hmmmm sounds like a good plan so far We just have to work on the first bit…
“somehow”
A choke hold is how I think I could maybe handle a small wolf. I’ve play-wrestled with dogs enough to know how they fight. They’re not great at dealing with something that’s behind / on top of them. They’re surprisingly good at maneuvering their jaws to bite at things that seem like they should be out of reach though.
If you could get under that jaw and keep it from biting you while you were also choking it, I think you could survive. But, getting in close without being shredded by the jaws would be the trick. If you were bare-handed but wearing a heavy leather motorcycle jacket to protect your forearms… maybe? In something like a tee-shirt and shorts, you could maybe win in a fight to the death but you’d take serious, maybe life-threatening damage.
I think, in general, people underestimate how well they could do against an animal in a fight to the death. There are plenty of stories of people fighting off sharks, fighting off bears, etc. Often they take horrific damage, but if the alternative is dying, “winning” is still possible.
A large opossum. I could probably handle something larger, but I can only handle one pet at a time and I like opossums.
Yes, I understand you’re asking about the largest animal I can fight and I’m telling you that that opossum is going to become a pet if I win.
opossum would be the perfect battle out in the forest… run up and swing at him a couple of times til he falls over… declare yourself champ and go party with your hoes… nobody goes back to check to see if the opossum got back up…
I once saw a chaparral (aka roadrunner) hold it’s own against a opossum, so I think you’ll be fine
Yeah, but I’d probably adopt whatever I fight as a pet, and I think having a pet opossum would be awesome, so that’s what I’d pick to fight.
A really, really, really sick elephant, so far gone that it cannot move anyway
so basically a suicidal animal
None, I would think how bad I felt if I hurt the cute furry friend, then tried to pet them instead and get mauled.
Anything larger than a small insect already freaks me out, so I’m going to pass on this challenge :)
Probably a medium sized dog, if I’m being realistic. I can’t fight a fucking bear or box a kangaroo or wrestle an alligator
You can it’s just unlikely you’d win
Galapagos tortoise. That’s the largest I can think of without teeth and claws, not fast, and not in water.
I mean, it’s got a shell, and turles/tortoises can still bite pretty bad without teeth, consider the snapping turtle.
A turtle is a good idea.
A shell is a great defense against a biting predator, but not great against a thinking / tool-using predator.
To be fair, since it was specified that one must fight the animal with one’s bare hands, tool use is probably cheating here
Bare hands doesn’t necessarily mean “only punches”. You can’t pick up a rock if there’s one on the ground? To me “with your bare hands” means going into the fight without preparation, with your hands empty originally. No guns, no swords, no rocket artillery. Like, you were out for a hike and a ________ attacked you.
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Avoid the front end, attack the back end.
Not to mention siege warfare as an option…
Yes, my favorite bare handed tactic is using a trebuchet
I’m just saying you could probably starve them out, but a trebuchet could be fun too. I won’t report you…
I’ll allow it, because trebuchets are great.
I could probably handle a vole okay. Or maybe a tufted titmouse. On a good day.
i 'd avoid the vole, i had pet rats.
if an enraged rodent decides to use it’s infinitely regowing incisor powers on you, you’re gonna bleed.A baby naked mole-rat?
Be careful it’s not a shrew, they’re venomous.
