SALUTE
I have barely watched Breaking Bad
As a reminder, be sure to properly give content warnings and put sensitive subjects behind proper spoiler tags. It’s for the mental health of not just your comrades, but yourself as well.
Here is a screenshot of where to find the spoiler button.
Let’s have another good week everyone 
internalized transphobia
:agony-shivering: I hate randomly thinking of myself as [bad language] holy shit. It’s awful, it makes me feel awful, I don’t think of anyone else that why so whyyy brain. I stop myself every time and remind myself it’s bad, but idk. It still gets me a little bit.
When you swim in transphobia soup every day of your life, it’s hard not to soak some of it up… :c
(perhaps) unsolicited advice
Your thoughts don’t define you; be kind to yourself and whenever you think something like that, instead of telling yourself off with a “that’s bad, I’m bad for thinking it”, try to discover and acknowledge the truth that makes that thing bad to think. I’ve surprised myself more than once by thinking some fucked up shit about myself and then realising I actually don’t know what exactly I’m supposed to think that wouldn’t be self-hating.
Having said all that, I’m pretty bad at taking this advice myself most of the time, so I should really work on it more.
Sending hugs!
no you're right
You don’t think the solution to self hate is piling on more of it
I don’t know if this is completely true, but maybe its hard for me to really understand why? Like it upsets me, and I guess reminds me of transphobia? I don’t know it all feels a bit silly to get hurt by thinking a word
Thank you! I’m actually still feeling pretty good. Didn’t derail too badly.
spooler booler
I think usually the answer is pretty personal. I’ve spent many nights binging youtube or some such, in hopes that someone else may have unpacked something I’m going through already. It helps me to listen to other people’s stories from similar backgrounds as me (at least in certain aspects).
Otherwise, I definitely don’t think it’s silly to get upset over a word. Words are one of the main tools we use to relate to each other (other than art), so they hold a lot of meaning. It’s part of what makes messing around with them in the form of writing or poetry so fun (imo).
guesses and assumptions!
If I were to try, my best guess might be that you’ve come across situations where that word was used to “other” someone and maybe you didn’t see it as a problem at the time and internalised it somewhat, to the point where it came up in an otherwise innocuous thought about yourself. Maybe it irks you, because now that you clearly identify with not being cis, you instinctively know that you’re not lesser or less deserving of love, care and respect than any other person.
So a simple affirmation to tell yourself to combat that situation might be “I deserve to be loved, just like anyone” or “I deserve to be seen as an equal to my peers”. Tbh the affirmations you get from doing this often end up sounding like some “live, laugh, love” shit a little bit from an outsider’s perspective, but if you dig down and find the core truth that you’ve neglected to internalise due to this fucked up world, then it can actually be really healing and effective, from my experience at least. But it can also take time and multiple cycles of “this truth is bullshit actually”, which hopefully will make you want to dig down deeper and find what’s actually going on.
To add a little warning at the end tho, it’s not like this is the end-all way of “fixing yourself”. We’re all living in the same fucked place and are going through an almost incomprehensible amount of fuckery together. Sometimes you won’t be able to find the exact reason you’re feeling a certain way and that’s still okay and doesn’t mean you’re any less truthful to yourself or any less deserving of being ok. Sometimes we even unpack these things as a society, when certain previously unseen contradictions sharpen to the point of being unbearable and spill out into the open.
Glad you’re well <3
Thank you, that’s very helpful. I don’t have much to say, but very insightful.
This is why you gotta keep all the brainworms out and not even touch that stuff. It wedges its way in. T-slur used by trans people still kind of activates my mental sludge honestly, bad feel. Stay away from the worm deposits!!!
I’m glad that’s a legitimate way to feel, I’m definitely the same way.
discussing a whole thing
Yea, I mean I know the kids are doing the reclaiming thing sometimes, and I think that’s pretty rad? But when I see it, I just think of catty tripcode users calling eachother brainrot insults. It’s seared into my mind, which is lame.
Thank you for staying away from the wormy areas of the internet, comrade. Glad to see it
ocd talk
idk what the exact nature of your thoughts are like, but as a person with OCD, ugly and awful thoughts enter my thoughts all the time that I don’t agree with and that I hate. In OCD talk, we call these thoughts “ego-dystonic”. I know that the thoughts are wrong and that I don’t agree with them but still, the fact that they enter my head at all feels awful. The worst thing is, when I fixate on these thoughts and try to “logic” them away, that’s only feeding into them and making them worse, they become louder and more frequent and harder to put out of my mind. It becomes a vicious cycle.
Now you may not have OCD, but no matter if someone has OCD or not I think it’s worth it to remember that your thoughts alone don’t define you (as sneak100 said.) People have all sorts of awful thoughts all the time that they hate. Brains are weird things.
I don’t think my thoughts are quite the same as yours, but yes thank you