Probably just shot some hoops with the boys.
honestly i think he did pretty good
i guess it’d be nice to try to explicitly say communism is cool constantly but idk if it would matter much in the end
I do not presume to know better than the Lord
you’re on a commie forum so you probably do actually know better.
No one knows better than the Lord
i do and so do you. We wouldn’t create evil.
No one does
This is why you don’t rule over a legion of demons, loser
i simply would have established communism
Stay in India
Jesus didn’t come back to life he was just a big fan of “The Prestige”
I would have stopped the splitting of the Judean People’s Front with the People’s Front of Judea.
I’d have them all crucified for splitting with The Popular Judean Front
I would educate, agitate, and organize.
He tried, but if he spoke plainly he got beaten up and if he spoke in parables no one understood
protracted people’s war
Protracted Judean People’s War
Nah, protracted war of the Judean people, you revisionist
Whatever happened to the Popular Front?
Revisionist
Polymorph into a bird and fly the fuck away. Jesus knew magic, man USE IT.
At which point? I’m guessing the crucifixion but it’d be a sick way to end the sermon on the mount or wrecking the temple.
When the fuzz started breathing down on his neck, peace out on those roman fools.
I would have organised my followers into an army to liberate Palestine from the Romans.
34 “Do not suppose that I [Jesus] have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. (Matthew 10:34)
36 [Jesus] said to them, “But now if you have a purse, take it, and also a bag; and if you don’t have a sword, sell your cloak and buy one. (Luke 22:36)
In the story he tried, didn’t work unfortunately
Like the Judean Peoples’ Front?
Bah the Judean Peoples’ Front is a bunch of opportunists and revisionists, not like the Peoples’ Front of Judea!
That didn’t work out very well when they tried it a few years later in all fairness.
i’d do another flood, easy.
one mom, two dads and twelve boyfriends.
Gonna keep the vow of celibacy stuff so that when the priests and monks and shit show up in heaven I can be like “Nah I was just fucking with you guys, sex is awesome actually lmao.”
I wouldn’t have sieged Leningrad, just surge rushed it and took it immediately.
More seriously I would have done the thing Mohammed did and insisted upon not translating my word, so that it would be harder to corrupt (still allows for shit like including a bunch of discussion about my words, but at least the words are still there untouched). Also I’d hire a scribe or something to write things down in my time, so it would be definitive. And I’d talk a lot more about how being rich doomed you to hell, like he did in that book that’s no longer part of the main canon
Luke-Acts is in general pretty clear about being rich carrying a distinct smell of sulphur.
Yeah there’s a lot of good stuff in there
But over the years there’s also come a lot of cringe in it too
Probably appeared to Paul in person before ascension, because fuck Paul sounds like a grifter.
Guy who killed a bunch of christians until they became too popular: “g-guys! Trust me! I will invent catholicism and be the true successor of Jesus!”
The Roman empire basically adopted Christianity in the same way the FBI tweeted a celebratory tweet on MLK day.
Thinking about what would have happened to Catholicism if the Johannine Middle Platonists and mystics hadn’t mostly supplanted Pauline Christology in the late 2nd century and it’s not a good feeling.
