WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT.

I just passed my Learners . It’s been a while since I’ve driven so I thought I should take the tests and lessons again.

I got two wrong but it was just being overly cautious 😬

🍻

During my sobriety I’ve been taking something called suboxone. You could liken it to an opiate blocker, though it does have a degree of a sedative effect.

This becomes unnoticeable after a while.

2 months ago I decided to stop taking it, as it was no longer required.

And so it turns out the mild sedation was not so mild at all. I was emotionally numb to a degree that I had forgotten what either positive or negative really felt like.

It has been tough. I have no desire to return to my old life, I have no cravings. I’ve had a constant underlying headache from various parts of my body being incredibly tense since the beginning.

But coming back into the world full of feelings and a nervous system that’s been half asleep for a decade has been really, really hard. Everything feels so intense, both emotionally and physically.

I love it. But it’s hard work. I’m stuck in this “reconfiguration” stage and I think I’ve mindlessly said “man, today has been a hard day” every day for a few weeks now.

I’ve played the best music I’ve probably played in my life over the last 2 months. I feel like myself. I’m excited. But it’s a struggle. Were I not already somewhat used to dealing with stuff like this by myself, I think I would have run back to the medicine.

No one I know in real life knows about what’s happening. I just needed to get it out of my system.

Thanks for listening.

/vent

Back from daily vitamin D exposure. The sun is glorious with light winds too, perfect winter’s day. Vibes are high for Friday arvo.

It was in lots of flat pieces of plastic that had to be bent and attached together so it took a while, but I’m pleased with the result. I just need to get to the assembly of the bedside tables and the bedroom will be done.

I forgot to post the results of dinner last night.

I may have put way too much chicken. The pot is overflowing with sauce and chicken and the bacon I added.

I was expecting the bacon to be salty but it didn’t really come out overpowering.

Also I think the Aldi sauce I used had a lot of garlic in it but it’s back to its tasty best.

Felt like the quality had dropped over the last couple of months.

Tomorrow for the Winter Solstice Games I have lots of wood, potatoes, marshmallows and chestnuts. What else do I need or need to do? Poetry? Spells? Chanting? Nudity?

Pretty lights

Just finished Expedition 33. I know I was coming to the end and I’m still… but why. Why.

I had a fever dream that nuclear war happened in the middle east and the whole world economic order basically collapsed so I jumped in my car and drove north and moved in with a family member, earning keep by cooking and cleaning and making money by painting giant paintings of wolves.

As fever dreams go, it was ok

Haha I was kicked out of my workspace at my alternate workplace. No where else I can move to so I’m going home!

Listened to a podcast called Scammerland about human trafficking in Myanmar. So terrible.

This sunny weather is too beautiful to stay home. I must beach.

Starting to be like clockwork, mum and aunts share some shit on WhatsApp and I have to tell them to check for AI… One aunt in particular is very susceptible and keeps sharing stuff that should be questionable from the get go. Really I don’t know what to tell her when we get to the point of what comes after VEO 3. When I go visit her in a couple months I think I need to sit down with her and go through some examples. “But it sounds just like David Attenborough!”

Have been out of the gym for 2 months-ish. There was a huge billing issue and I couldn’t be fucked dealing with it.

All sorted now.

Straight there after work. Bring on the happy chemicals.

Edit: Apparently there’s been a huge data breach of Google, Apple, Facebook etc passwords.

Would never have thought as a kid I’d some day be excited to wake up early and appraise the damage the new cheapo weed burner has inflicted from the day before.

It’s very relaxing for some reason.

Also the new ICU at st. vincents is very impressive. the ones I’ve been to before are depressing af, but that one has a huge amount of space (and less noise) which is way less confronting for patients. ol’ girl was complaining about being bored and not annoyed which is good.