family shit
My mum does this thing with my sister where she brings up a problem she has way after the fact. It makes my sister feel terrible.
My sister, a week ago, who has her own place but comes to visit on the weekends: Mum, I’m going to dog sit for a friend this weekend so I’ll be staying over at hers
Mum: OK
My mum today: we have a dog here and you’re going to sit someone else’s dog? I can’t even go away and have a weekend for myself because I have to watch him. He doesn’t even want to go for a walk more than 100 metres!
Sister starts feeling guilty and anxious and has a panic attack. I get that my mum is sick of having to look after the dog and is annoyed, but my sister told her she was going to dogsit a week ago, and my mum said nothing about going away this weekend.
I thought my emotional regulation problems were just an innate thing, although I reckon if my parents could regulate their emotions and communicate better, it would’ve been a bit easier on my end.
My mum grew up in a household where her parents fought and her mum in particular cannot regulate her emotions and often goes from 0 to 100 in an instant. If this woman says anything and you disagree, she throws a fit. She has no self-awareness whatsoever.
But I hope that if I ever have kids, I break this cycle. I fear I’m already too much like the bad parts of my parents. It’s not on.
Ahhh. That’s manipulative as hell. She refuses to communicate a want or a need and then uses the lack of it as a weapon. This isn’t about the dog, it’s about control.
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Also the things your dad says to you are emotional abuse.
I’m sorry if I’ve ever been unintentionally insensitive towards you in the past because holy shit.
I need you to know that none of this is your fault and nothing your family thinks or says of you is true. It might be a really good idea to prioritise whatever career will be stable and well paid enough that you have the choice to move out and be independent from them.
Also you might want to know that being raised like this means you’re less likely to spot abusive people or identify behaviours as abuse. And there is a danger of you internalising it and blaming yourself for it rather than clocking it and getting out of Dodge.
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Don’t worry, you haven’t been insensitive at all. In fact, when I was in a shitty relationship and posted about it on here, you replied to my post, and I took a screenshot of it and read it often to remind myself that what I was dealing with was not good for me. I really appreciate all the advice you’ve given me.
I feel as though abuse is a loaded term, and I see it more as dysfunction. I’m dealing with people who mean well, but are misguided and express it in the wrong ways. Just like I don’t mean for them to be annoyed when I talk too much. I just want connection. My dad tells me that he loves me and wants the best for me, but has thrown the other stuff on top when he’s upset.
I have spoken about this to my psych, and we are going to do an appointment with them so she can talk about how they can better support me. To be honest though, I’m tired and I think my parents are tired. I haven’t spent quality time with my mum in ages, because she used to be a SAHM and her life revolved around my sister and I, and being a housewife. Moving out could definitely help set a boundary so that our interactions involve quality time.
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That’s good, I’m glad.
Re abuse I was talking about the future, warning you you could be more vulnerable to it.
Dysfunction might be a better word, yes. But these behaviours are sending up red flags and I can see you’re feeling the strain. If it’s a stable option and something you can cope with it might give everyone some breathing room. Hopefully.
Just be warned that leaving home is a big step. If people feel like you’re pulling away from them, or they’re losing control over you or the situation, or things are changing too fast to cope… their behaviours might escalate.
Just make sure to get your bag and ensure you have options. Having money, a job, and trustworthy friends are all important ways to protect yourself in life.
Yea that sucks.
If your mum was told a week ago that’s all on her. I’m sure there’s probably a compromise here somewhere but your sis shouldn’t feel bad about it if there’s not. Sounds a bit manipulative.
When my sister is not in the office, she works from here and stays with the dog.
My mum and sister ended up talking about it, and it turns out all my mum wanted was a time that she’s going to be back here after dogsitting. But it had to come out like that.
She’s jealous of your sister having friends.
I think she just resents that my sister wanted the dog but then moved out and my mum does most of the caring for him.
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cannot regulate her emotions and often goes from 0 to 100 in an instant. If this woman says anything and you disagree, she throws a fit. She has no self-awareness whatsoever.
I really doubt she doesn’t know
I bet she can regulate very well when it’s not something she wants or it’s to her advantage
My grandma is almost 80 years old as well which I feel is quite enough time to get yourself in check.
Yup.
I agree. Back to bed.
Mr P was supposed to go to a mate’s place for a weekend of catching up with old friends, and we were all looking forward to it (me especially). But it fell through when someone Mr P doesn’t like (for good reasons too lengthy to say here) kind of wormed their way in. So Mr P decided he wasn’t going. Sigh. I mean, we’ve been getting along ok lately, but he’s always here. I was looking forward to him not being here for a night or two at the start of the school holidays. I need a good night’s sleep without someone going for a smoke/pee/snack every so often during the night. It’s impossible in this damn place.
Neighbours are renovating, so it was banging and sawing and drilling all day. Then we ordered Maccas and they got the order wrong. No matter which Maccas I order from, or when or what I order, they always get the order wrong. It’s a treat for the Minipeelers but it leaves me pissed off every time.
Now I’m relaxing in bed in a quiet darkened room sighs with contented relief. We’re going to the library to return some books tomorrow so I’m looking forward to that, the calming quiet, minimal people and the smell of new library. Anyway, thanks for listening to my whinging!
Your peace time will come Lovely. And you and the kids can just breathe. I know what you’re living and it takes so much strength, especially when your ‘free’ time is snatched away. You’re doing an incredible job in a really tricky situation.
Thankyou Eagle 🙏🏼
❤️
I love my boyfriend. Like, he completes me. But the fact that he’s always home kinda does my head in. I need some alone time. To do what? IDK, who care, it’s the same shit I do when he’s home, but it’s different, you know? I can imagine you’re on a whole different level, and oof, I’m sorry this weekend didn’t work out how you hoped!!! Next door renos on top!
Hope the library is the retreat you deserve tomorrow!
so many hugs
your strength and patience and love is an inspiration
if there is anything we can do just ask 😘
I caught public transport because I wanted to drink and while it did take a fair bit longer it’s pretty peaceful not having to deal with traffic and parking.
Omg YES! Boyo hates public transport, but dude, it’s cheap and relatively easy. Deal with it!!
Alrighty. Going to meet the new PT.
Here’s hoping he’s cool and can help fix my shoulder.
In other news, the reconfiguration I mentioned a few weeks ago is going well. Mood and energy levels have stabilised. Motivation is lower than normal but not too bad.
Edit:went great with the PT! Chill guy and showed me some great stuff for my shoulder.
Club bells / swings are good shoulder mobility exercise.
Sweet! Will add them in when I speak to the PT.
It was a great night last night. Looking forward to a great day today.
Cheers to the nudity and day drinking 🍻
Perfect weather for it
Woo hoo 🍺
Today we are going to visit a kiwi sanctuary. 🐤😍
here are some pics from yesterday 😊
Lovely pics - those waves look glorious! The shell collection is so pretty!
The waves and water is just so beautiful, the colour is that blue with the slightest green colour you seen in old glass . 😊
🤩🥰🤩🥰♥️
😘😘😘
Nice shell haul!
Thank yooou, I love it, every single shell is new to me 😍
Some pics from the local museum and the beach ( I’m starting to feel gouged by museum prices )
I’ve played the best guitar in my life in the last 3 months. Getting off of suboxone was the right move.
The emotion to muscle memory connection/loop is so clear and strong its nuts.
this is great, so happy for you 😊😘🤗
Just christened the new soupmaker I got for the ol’ girl / boy.
Morphy richards clarity thing.
Idea was to reduce use of the stovetop for her / less cleaning / quicker and probably safer.
First up, potat and leek. Shit that thing is fast. 21 mins. Maybe 5 mins of prep, 2 mins cleaning. Don’t really eat that stuff but was actually surprisingly very good. Gave maybe 3-4 serves.
If she doesn’t use it it’ll still save me a shitload of time and hassle.
I hope everythings started to settle down man ❤️
Is it like an instant pot kinda thingo or more of a Thermomix? (gboard suggested “consultant” immediately after “Thermomix”, urgh…)
I sincerely hope the Olds use it but if not at least it sounds like it’ll come in handy for you. But yeah as Witch wisely advised you last week or so, hope it doesn’t turn into you stepping in for everything.
The olds in my life are rapidly embracing this sort of technology and, I might add, placing a premium on anything that isn’t too heavy to lift. I gotta look into some of them
it’s basically just a kettle w/ a stick blender heh. Not quite thermomix those things are like 10x the price. Weight-wise this thing isn’t too bad. It is simple though.
Witches’ advice has been weighing on me heavily (and for that I can’t thank her kindly enough for sharing her experience).
I still have more thinking to do :(
Goregous, perfect day out there side from the occasional bouts of insane wind (amplified in the CBD wind tunnels). Had a perfect sleep in, no headache this time, and spent the day with a friend - treated to a lovely vegan restaurant for lunch and a nice long walk after then hojicha latte and a decadent slice of cake - came back to a tidy home that got properly aired out and gosh. What a difference the sun and a bit of warmth makes! My mood is fabulous, my nerves are calm, my body is happy and relaxed and life feels great. And the place is lovely and refreshed and I don’t feel like I’m behind on life or anything. 💜
I didn’t look at my phone all day and was enjoying watching other people on the tram - kids asking innocent questions, young people eagerly discussing their lives, blokes going on about the footy - rather than feeling annoyed and wanting to hide from the world. I even received a lovely compliment on my hair colour from an old lady who I thought was squinting at me weirdly because I was wearing the wrong thing or something… she was just trying to figure out what was going on with my hair. ☺️
Chilling out with PBS at home and gonna make some headway on this library book I’ve started (very promising so far); tomorrow will be a great big meal prep day. Jambalaya with vegan chorizo, roast fennel, what else…
After that beef ravioli, I’m still alive and well !
That is good to hear.
If you were not alive and still posting here that would actually be a bit alarming. I’m really not ready for a zombie apocalypse.
Goodnight all ❤️
Let’s see how long it lasts
I LOVE IT!
Cheers!
Really adds a bit of life to this dreary old place.
This jerked chicken is declared Do Not Touch Eyeballs or Cock. I repeat Do Not!
My bloke would have endorsed this - he got caught taking a wee after chopping some very hot chillies but had not washed his hands before taking that wee. His screams were impressive. The jerked chicken sounds delish.
Boyo has impressive hiccups, they have not ignited, yet
Give it time.
