Congress and the judicial branch have fast tracked themselves on a course to redundancy for the past 85 days.

Raw irritated penis

I can tell when the batteries on my cordless mouse have died. There’s a strange feeling of resistance when the mouse is active, but when it’s dead, nothing.

I’ve been saying this for months. How long until 47 “has a stroke.”

Jesus is always on the job site by 730 with his tools and a smile on his face.

So a shitgun instead of a poostol.

Gimme a stoner any day. Better than trying to talk a roided up jock half way through a bottle of tequila out of punching his nana. I don’t consume myself because weed just puts me to sleep. I guess I’m mellow enough.

Remember when Idiocracy was a farce instead of a documentary?

Doppler effect.

With reddit eating X’s ass on the highway to insignificance.

I have revived multiple computers and my mom’s windshield wipers with concussive application of a rubber chicken.

I was just thinking earlier today that I miss Tim Walz. Walz 2028!

Diesel too?

I case you haven’t noticed, courts and law mean nothing to the incoming party. These states can come up with all of the lawsuits they want to, but it won’t do a bit of good.

My cat is obsessed with my socks. If a load of clean laundry has been left too long before it gets folded and put away, my socks will be scattered throughout the house.

Did both parties involved in the transaction get fired?

As are pretzel buns.