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Cake day: March 23rd, 2024

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  • “The building or someone is on fire”

    When I was working in property management, certain people would frequently call me in the middle of the night for what they considered emergencies. They’d wake me up because a stove burner wouldn’t heat, or a lightbulb was out, or they just remembered that a door creaks. This shit got old real fast, so I began training the night callers that “emergency means Fire, Flood, or Death”.

    One man was unfazed by my Fire, Flood, or Death mantra, so every time I saw his number ring in, I just shouted into the phone FIRE FLOOD OR DEATH? FIRE FLOOD OR DEATH?!













  • Here are some statistics to suck up:

    • Fireworks started an estimated 31,302 fires in 2022, including 3,504 structure fires, 887 vehicle fires, 26,492 outside fires, and 418 unclassified fires. These fires caused an estimated six civilian deaths, 44 civilian injuries and $109M in direct property damage. (Note:  Total may not equal sum because of rounding error.)
    • In 2022, U.S hospital emergency rooms treated an estimated 10,200 people for fireworks related injuries; Over half of those injuries were to the extremities (29% hands and fingers, 19% legs, 5% arms) and 35% were to the eyes or other parts of the head.
    • Children younger than 15 years of age accounted for 28% of the estimated 2022 injuries. These injury estimates were obtained or derived from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission’s 2022 Fireworks Annual Report

    As far as knowing “exactly when the fireworks are coming”, I hear mortars exploding for a solid two weeks in June and July, another two weeks around New Year’s Eve, and throughout the year at various events and during random neighborhood parties. There’s no way to predict the concussions, and millions of people have PTSD.

    In addition, the 4th of July is the deadliest day for pets and wildlife.

    https://www.nfpa.org/education-and-research/home-fire-safety/fireworks