• @[email protected]
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      22 months ago

      No one expects the US inquisition. Wait, yes they do. Nevermind, don’t get to make those jokes anymore.

      Who is Delores Umbrige in the current Trump cabinet, Marjorie Taylor Greene?

      • @[email protected]
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        52 months ago

        No one expects the US inquisition. Wait, yes they do. Nevermind, don’t get to make those jokes anymore.

        The US doesn’t inquire anymore: we’ve reached the “straight to the death camp” part of our transition to nazism.

        Who is Delores Umbrige in the current Trump cabinet, Marjorie Taylor Greene?

        Elon, 100%. Take the wands out of the picture, and rename “Ministry of Magic” to “United States Government” and suddenly that chunk of the Harry Potter story is just a documentary about DOGE.

  • @[email protected]
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    222 months ago

    Even without The Onion branding I knew it was fake. Roadkill Fucking Kennedy can’t go any louder than pathetic croaking.

    • @[email protected]
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      22 months ago

      Rfk jr. sounds like me trying to argue and yell at someone in a dream and my voice constantly cracks

    • @[email protected]
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      22 months ago

      That shit is in EVERYTHING here in the U.S. - thanks corn lobbyists. It wouldn’t even surprise me if there was some sort of connection between the two (but I’m also not about to go actually claiming there is)

      • stebo
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        92 months ago

        we live in a timeline where the onion headlines are more plausible than real ones

    • @[email protected]
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      62 months ago

      Oh fuck I did too until I read your comment holy hell this timeline is the fucking worst

    • @[email protected]
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      2 months ago

      I can’t.

      He “knows” already where autism is found: in vaccines. That is what he will announce in September.

      It is what he has claimed in the past, only this time he will “prove” it after 5 months of “rigorous investigations”.

  • @[email protected]
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    52 months ago

    Until now, didn’t know I had a fantasy of Lil Bobby drowning in a vat of boiling green apple syrup.

      • NoneOfUrBusiness
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        32 months ago

        “Lately” it’s been like a decade of this. There’s whole generation that will know The Onion as the world’s least willing oracle.

  • @[email protected]
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    2 months ago

    Only if you show me where you make measles!

    Funny thing is, if this really happened, it wouldn’t even make it to the list of the first hundred craziest things that happened in the US last month.

    Living the times when The Onion is only mildly crazy.